you know, i told my therapist

about that time when we first kissed

you aimed for cheek and claimed to miss

she wonders why i think of this

she calls this a manic state

it isn't healthy to fixate

on broken love you grew to hate

she suggests i clean my slate

but i prefer to be obsessed

i know she thinks i'm such a mess

and i confess, i like me less

the me with you was at my best

so tell me, how'd we fall apart?

you know, i've made an awful art

of giving fragments of my heart

to stupid boys--where do i start

to let go of what i know

and give myself the space to grow

it was my own choice to go

so what's with this stupid fomo?

what am i afraid to miss

i cannot go on like this

i blame you and your stupid kiss

now i'm all fucked up

it's all your fault

i'm broken now

quit adding salt

to wounds when i'm down

so bad, i'm glad

to see you

how did you fuck me up

this much?

pay her

to tell me i'm insane

i'm hurt

you're my burden and pain

she blames

your inane mind games

oh, it's such a shame

but i blame myself

for this hell

i'm past help

i know

and she knows

what i chose

oh, the pain it only grows

Walking, pavement talking,

rundown sneakers on crumbled cement.

Knocking, raised hand shocking,

begging time for last month’s rent.

Shriveled streamers, once were dreamers

But they seeped into deep cracks

Torn up walls, we're born to fall

How much I long those bright days back

Everything we've given to this "noble" city living

Will not return, the verdict goes unread

No light, Holland tunnel

Stars that hide, I think I'm done, I'll

Burn these broken dreams

I think Bohemia is dead.

Running is cheap and a fantastic way to maintain some base level of fitness. What's more, knee injuries tend to occur equally among those who run, and those who don't.

If you're only running a couple of times a week, the risk of you suffering from any kind of running injury is very low, and the likelihood of your overall quality of life being high will increase.

Still, you might know all this, and you might even run from time to time, but that doesn't mean you're enjoying it. Every session is a struggle, and you're not sure the endorphins are worth it.

If you're here for a little extra motivation, you've come to the right place.

INDEX

For runners who find running boring, please go to 1.

For runners who find running embarrassing, please go to 2.

For runners who find running painful, please go to 3.

For runners who find running exhausting, please go to 4.

For runners who find running unnecessary, please go to 5.

For runners who need a sense of achievement, go to 6.

1.

"It's boring."

I here ya buddy.

Now, you're probably going to need some headphones for this part. Of course running with a friend might be ideal, but we can't always conjure up the perfect running buddy at exactly the right time.

The trick is not to make the 'run' the whole point. Kid yourself you're just utilising time efficiently. You can listen to the news (Global News Podcast, anyone?), a podcast (99% invisible?).

You can listen to sad songs, the kind you'd sing along to. You can listen to empowering songs, old rock songs that remind you of being sixteen. I highly recommend getting into an album by someone you like.

Songs about sex are also fantastic for when your running. There's nothing like gently fantasising about a steamy session to reach a new PB.

You might also enjoy the silence, or instrumental music, which will leave you more mental space to plan and think out your next steps—for your novel, your work, your life, your wife. When you're feeling down, there's nothing like a run to give yourself a little fake therapy sessions—and the hot bath afterwards will be the epitome of tender loving care.

2.

You're self-conscious.

Honestly, this is probably the main reason I wouldn't run if I hadn't started young. It was the reason at fourteen, when I was being dragged out on runs by my dad, I turned to him and said:

'Our neighbours talk about us running. I heard them mocking us.'

And my dad rolled his eyes, laughed and said: 'Who cares?'

I shrugged. I did.

'If you stop doing things because you're worried what others will think, you'll never do anything,' he said.

And this is the only thing which has proven to be true.

I usually meet no one at all on my runs. For the most part, running is 90% not embarrassing—and definitely worth it. The embarrassment is mostly inside your own head.

However, embarrassing encounters while running can and do happen. Usually the other person is not embarrassed at all and really doesn't care that you're out puffing. They might congratulate you or say:

'Oh, you run!' but chances are they'll soon forget.

In the very unlikely event anyone did think about it more than once, or cared at all, they would swiftly be shut down by anyone around them. What psychopath cares about someone else running to the extent of gossiping about it?

You cannot make sure you will always be wearing your best running outfit, that your skin will be glowing and your armpits deodorised. Sometimes, the sunscreen will melt into your eyes and sting them red, and you'll stink. But trust me. No one except you cares. There is nothing about running which should make you embarrassed. You can and should be really proud of what you are achieving.

3. Running is painful.

You should not be running if it is painful. You should not be doing anything which could cause you harm. This article is not for you, there is no point running if it is not safe for you.

There have been rare instances where I did not want to run and was slightly hypochondriac that I imagined pain in my knees and shins when there actually was none. I know this because a minute of running would be painful, but thirty, forty minutes in, I'd be feeling free and flying high.

But I am going to assume you need to take care of yourself and should not be running—or reading this article.

4. Running is exhausting.

Listen to your body. If it wants more sleep, if it wants to eat more, let it. Give it what it asks you. For some people, a little coffee before a run does wonders.

There are also times of day which are better for different people's bodies. Late morning, early afternoon, all of these might *your* time. I find running early in the day can zap some of my energy for the rest of it—especially if the run is long. Others find that it energises them.

Nutrition really will change the game. If I am not eating enough protein—which happens regularly since I am terrible at feeding myself, then I will be tired and my muscle will tighten and ache for longer. Similar thing with sleep.

I shouldn't need to say this, but do space out your runs. Don't overrun—either by running every day when your body doesn't want it, or for too long. Give yourself some structure, in terms of breaks and time out running. A short run from time to time is much better for muscle building.

My sibling's muscles weren't growing, and they were pushing themselves harder and harder. They thought they weren't pushing themselves hard enough. But they had a special muscle/athletic lactate test and the results actually showed that they needed more easy work outs and more rest in order to grow more.

5.

If you're someone who thrives from the gains and that sense of achievement, either join a running club, where you will be trained to maximise your potential, or even just follow a running training plan. You will be astonished by the progress you see.

Running—especially running fast—is a fantastic lower body impact sport for building muscle.

Running faster and having better overall aerobic fitness is also a very exciting process. Setting milestones and goals makes running more fun and will improve your self esteem.

6.

You're right. Running is not necessary to your life. It can mildly improve your life—a short run from time to time will boost your mood and make you feel stronger. But don't do it because it's necessary. It isn't and shouldn't be considered as such. Do it because you enjoy it—an eight minutes of walk-run-dance to start your day.

Sonya Renee Taylor once said: “Health is not a state that we owe the world. We are not less valuable, worthy, or loveable because we are not healthy. Lastly there is no standard of health that is achievable for all bodies. Our belief that there should be anchors the systemic oppression of ableism and reinforces the notion that people with illnesses and disabilities have defective bodies rather than different bodies.”

Running is a way to love your body, and an easy way to feel better and take care of yourself. It is not worth it if it does not bring you joy—joy being the best way to take care of yourself.

Go do something you enjoy.

1) Did you cut your hair recently?

Because you look like a cut above the rest.

2) Are you Batman's sidekick?

Because you’re robin’ my love.

3) *offers a muffin*

I didn’t have any flowers handy, but I figured flour in a muffin would be close enough.

[I know this one’s not really a pick up line, but I think it would be cute]

Yesterday, I found a mosquito in my room. It was resting very peacefully in a corner. My alarming presence did not bother it at all. That surprised me. Why? Does it know that I am horrible in hitting targets? Was it mocking me? Was it challenging me? Was it trying to humiliate me?

No, I am just overthinking. After all, how can a mosquito think all that? Its brain functionality is quite limited. Poor creature! But, considering the possibility that it could disturb me through the whole night, I took the cruel decision, again. I have to kill it.

And I cannot miss. So, I made my stealth movements. I slowly approached it. Since it was at a corner, I could not use my entire palm to kill it. So, I decided to kill it with a powerful knock by the index finger. I have killed one like that before. Experience, you see, is an asset, even in the smallest of circumstances.

It had not flown away yet. I readied my hand for the mission. THUD! No! My finger seemed miles away from it. I missed! But it surprised me. The mosquito did not even flinch. Was it deaf? My mom heard it from the floor below. It could at least, feel the vibration. Maybe, it was so lazy. If I was a mosquito, we would have been great friends.

Suddenly, I realised that I was wasting time. I should hit it again. Thud! It was not so loud this time. I could not use my full potential. When my finger sensed its body, it pulled back a little. But it still did not move. The blow was not at all enough to kill it. What happened?

Then, I came across a satisfying conclusion. It was already dead. But, it had no marks of strain, signs of violence, nothing. Sherlock rose up in me. How did it die? Who killed it? When, why, for what reason, where? No, the last one was stupid. Of course, it died right here. Wait, what if the body was taken here?

I then realised I was being stupid. Why would I even care? It's a mosquito. I do not even know it. That was when I came across the simple answer, that was lying right in front of me the whole time. It died naturally. They also have a life. At one point, they too have to leave the earth. It was simple, but it fascinated me. Life is beautiful!

Or, somebody actually killed it. I thought, alone on the top floor. Wait, am I?

#nonfiction #opinion

Blood.

So much blood.

Life itself drains away, and with it all the hopes of a new encounter, a precious gift, a person and the treasure of coming to know them, lost.

Labor pains, for later term. Heart-numbing confusion.

Will the child, in death, need be delivered?

Whomever this child may be, may.

A heartbeat there and gone the next day.

A sharp contraction, and blood which signifies the loss.

A woman in labor to give birth to the whole suffering of human life,

a life-giving act without life,

a breath that cannot be taken in,

the inevitable end of all men

to be found before he has scarce begun,

a witness and a sign

of the human condition

to die, lungs constricted, heart unbeating,

man in the throes of daily life beset by empty sufferings,

by scars and wounds of past,

connected to life by a thread

unable to connect

for he has left his soul for dead -

All in her labor and the blood,

this child breaks her worn heart

and shows all life to us...

it was a different experience each time. when my uncle died, i skipped flat stones over the lake where it was decided his ashes wouldn't be sprinkled. my aunt and mother had watched him be cremated, right in front of them, like hell fire.

when my friend jenn died i walked around the downtown where i had come to learn that hardship can't be felt when your heart is dead. i didn't cry. i walked and stared straight ahead, and the birds scattered across the square like they'd heard and were waiting for the bells to toll. she had had a bird tattoo and one day i will feel the same pain when they give me the same one.

pain is a reflex, like so many flat emotions that skip once and then sink to the bottom. love is getting a phone call, and realizing they no longer belong to the earth.

when sarah was lifted from the earth, i was left squinting into the august sun, they say you can't pour from an empty cup.

where does pain go when you can't feel a damn thing?

where is my love, my truth, hiding?