From his spot on the bridge,

everything seemed so much clearer

and he suddenly could not believe how long

he had spent staring at grey clouds,

how long he had forgotten about the sun.

A sense of freedom erupted in his being, beginning in his toes and ending in his

head, where it began to swallow the parasites that had created a home in his brain.

No longer did he feel like a car stalled out and running on empty--

no.

Today he was a man capable of seeing the sun.

Today he was a man running towards tomorrow.

before i met you,

i had a textbook hidden under my tongue on how to keep a safe distance because safe distance meant no hurt and i couldn't handle any more broken hearts. no amount of studying could ever prepare me for the look on your face that night, though. the one that made me break all of my own rules. i could never say no to your green eyes.

before i met you,

i saw the sky in only few shades of blue and the shade i loved the most was the one gazing back at me when i decided to look up. i rarely looked up-- i knew there was no point in wondering what called the void above home, that it would only drive me insane. you taught me theres more to the sky than just clouds, though. you taught me not to stare at the sun for too long.

before i met you,

the definition of unrequited was not synonymous to any part of my life. when i say you gave my life "meaning," it does not necessarily imply your addition was beneficial. i have choked on too many flowers to fall for your tricks again. all of my "he loves me, he loves me not" were nothing but placeholders. nothing but petals in the wind.

before i met you,

i thought i had it all figured out. i thought i finally had a handle on this life. but you, you taught me never to trust unlit matches. you taught me that even my own hands will betray me.

and they did. every time.

tonight,

we'll both go MIA--

but in different ways.

you will lose yourself in her the way you used to in me,

and i will disappear into the night,

knowing full well i have been gone for far longer.

i've found loneliness in sunrises, a way of saying "heres to another day i wont be spending by your side."

i've found it in trash bags that take forever to fill because they're only being used on one human beings waste and ive barely moved since you've gone.

i've downed it in coffee mugs and then seen it staring back at me in the emptiness,

i've danced with it slowly on the nights insomnia hands were all i could feel in mine ((note: they felt almost like yours.))

the funny thing, ive come to realize, is sadness looks alot like you in its entirety.

i've also realized i spent so much time drinking up your every detail that i didn't have the chance to even ponder consequences, didn't have an opportunity to imagine how terrible the hangover would be when morning came and it was time to put the bottle down.

you had me entranced in a way i had only ever read about at three a.m. in blog posts written by lonely lovers with abandoned hearts stalled out or running on empty.

i never quite got why they didnt refill the tank but now im pretty damn sure i understand.

you're a whirlwind, to put it lightly; destruction is your destiny.

your heart is surrounded by brick walls shielding you from any contact from the outside world

and its no wonder i felt lonely even with you beside me,

its no wonder i still feel lonely with you gone only i've grown accustomed to it

because even when you were here,

even when your green eyes bored into my blue ones and your gentle touch was all i could feel against mine,

i was overcome with a feeling of complete and utter absence weighing down on me.

you had distanced yourself from me,

and maybe in your head it seemed like a good idea

maybe it seemed like it would hurt less but for who? for you or me?

because youve left me here with loneliness seeping into every crevice of my life,

youve left me here staring at sunrises until my eyes burn,

curling in on myself as if i had built a beautiful home and just moments ago, watched it crumble and i was now coming to terms with the fact i was on my own.

you have left me broken,

and lonely

and screaming in colors nobody can see but me.