Lost in the music

You grabbed my jaw and sang

That 'there's no such thing

As a harmless joke'

And I looked into your eyes

As mine crumpled in laughter

I think I may have been beautiful

Without the anxiety masking me

I never really thought I could die. I'm young, and life stretched out for me like an endless expanse of road, the kind found in the country- flat and straight but with so much opportunity and beauty. To think that I would die some day was impossible to me.

I am the embodiment of the teenage cliché.

Yet, by means I will not go into, I now not only recognize I will die, but I know it will be soon. I can't say anything to you while I'm here, but I hope you find this when I'm gone because there are things I need to say, and I need to know they were received.

I'm not quite ready to die.

I have a pile of letters and stories and poems on that little black box you always asked about. You can open it now. Please do. Please read every written word contained inside. I think you might realize some things I never told you.

I have secrets that I don't want to keep.

The box should be sitting on a pile of notebooks. Read those as well. I wrote a lot of beginnings, but no endings. I'll let you do those. Let my characters live out their stories. Please don't let them hang in suspension eternally.

My characters mean more than I do, in the end.

Share my words everywhere you can. Maybe my body can't go on, but in many ways my thoughts can. I don't care if no one knows my name, but I don't want my being to be forgotten. I want to make a difference.

Words are the essence of being.

I don't need a fancy funeral. Donate my organs, let them be helpful. I might be dead, but most of me should still work with a proper system. I want to be cremated. Scatter me in the winds. They say death is an adventure, after all.

Practicality will make me happiest.

Thank you, and I'm sorry.

You'll be fine without me.

You never really needed me.

I feel like falling

Down the rabbit hole

Getting lost

Changing form

Fluctuating in size

And frame of mind

The Jabberwocky

Will scare me straight

And I will find

A smoking caterpillar

And he will help me

Forget all about you

I've never really understood

The point of flowers.

They burst into sunset colors

Enjoyed for a while,

But wilt days later. 

The lilies hold secrets

But never share them

Roses get cut

For a false love, which wilts

Sooner than the flower.

I feel like falling

Off the tip of your tongue

          Into a gleaming pool

          Of warm sentiments,

                              Hypnotized by their embrace

                              They consume my waking hours,

     Driven to the cliff of our love,

     Parched and I feel like falling

I feel like falling

Down the stairs

Just for the sake of it

The action of it

The pain of it

Snapping me back to reality

I feel like falling

Off my bed

Tumbling and

Crashing and

Tangled in my sheets

I feel like falling

Into a puddle

To get soaked

To see if anyone'll notice

I feel like falling

Into a hole

And I wonder

If anyone will come

To save me from starvation

When I sit in the dewy grass

With a sprained ankle

I feel like falling

Forever

And ever and

Ever

I feel like falling

Anywhere and

Everywhere

Except into love

Or like

I feel like falling

Is too much effort

For such a small outcome

A small chance

That it'll be okay

I feel like falling

Always

And never

And forever

And not

Picking

Myself up

I feel like falling will leave me

Scraped

Bruised

Wet

Broken

Eternal

Heartbroken

Exhausted

Maybe I shouldn't

Feel like falling