This is not as good as Weekend Blues, but here it is. I’m not sure if I will keep the chorus all five times, because that is a lot of chorus, but, for now, that is how it is staying. I probably won’t actually get it produced until I’m 47 anyways. The chorus is pretty good, though, in my opinion. The rest I feel could be better.

My thoughts were racing

I couldn’t focus on what anyone was saying

So I asked You to bring order to the chaos

And tell my thoughts to lay off

When my thoughts began to dwell

You didn’t seem to offer any help

You gave me a pull

I had no clue what to do, but my heart was full

Hollow and empty, you can see it in my eyes

Holding onto my last hope as I’m trying not to cry

I feel hurt and forsaken

For how long it’s taken

To get an answer to this question

That You put in my mind

God, can You hear me? You’ve left me in the dark

I don’t know how much longer I can last in this swimming pool of sharks

My thoughts increased

They attacked me like some savage beast

So I followed where I knew You were leading

Without knowing Your meaning

I found what You wanted to transpire

And now it’s my one desire

To get back to that moment

And learn what You would like to have happen

Hollow and empty, you can see it in my eyes

Holding onto my last hope as I’m trying not to cry

I feel hurt and forsaken

For how long it’s taken

To get an answer to this question

That You put in my mind

God, can You hear me? You’ve left me in the dark

I don’t know how much longer I can last in this swimming pool of sharks

My thoughts still wander

And oft I think about her

I wonder why You had us meet

It wasn’t chance, and yet I can’t seem to see what You want it to be

The longer I wait for her letter

My head grows further from better

Is she a friend?

Or was it nothing that’s messing with my head?

Hollow and empty, you can see it in my eyes

Holding onto my last hope as I’m trying not to cry

I feel hurt and forsaken

For how long it’s taken

To get an answer to this question

That You put in my mind

God, can You hear me? You’ve left me in the dark

I don’t know how much longer I can last in this swimming pool of sharks

I prayed long and hard to find her again

Then I did, just as I asked for it to happen

I followed Your lead

I listened to what You were telling me

I followed Your call

But now I feel like I’ve lost it all

Did You send her to me to take her away?

I’m trying to stay hopeful, but I’m losing faith

Hollow and empty, you can see it in my eyes

Holding onto my last hope as I’m trying not to cry

I feel hurt and forsaken

For how long it’s taken

To get an answer to this question

That You put in my mind

God, can You hear me? You’ve left me in the dark

I don’t know how much longer I can last in this swimming pool of sharks

I have lost all focus

Every second is hoping

My prayer has been answered

That I got a letter

That I know why You sent her

That I’ll see Your will better

But I’m left feeling blind

Feeling alone with all this conflict inside

Hollow and empty, you can see it in my eyes

Holding onto my last hope as I’m trying not to cry

I feel hurt and forsaken

For how long it’s taken

To get an answer to this question

That You put in my mind

God, can You hear me? You’ve left me in the dark

I don’t know how much longer I can last in this swimming pool of sharks

Not the song I set out to write, but I am happy with how it turned out. It is inspired by classic rock and roll, particularly Hound Dog by Elvis. It’s a high BPM song with an upbeat tune. The lyrics are a little sarcastic to show that he is lying in saying that he is fine. The song ends in half time (likely the wrong terminology, but you catch my meaning) for a more candid look into what’s floating through his head. If I can find the inspiration to write the song I wanted to write, you’ll see what I mean, so be on the lookout for another song. I’ll stay up until midnight writing it if I have to, lol.

Monday through Friday, I’m working nine to five

Working for a living, yeah, I’ve got to stay alive

Oh, no, baby, in that time, I’ve got nothing on my mind

You’d be impressed with how I deal with my stress

I’m at my best when I’m hard pressed

Oh, I never lose focus, and my head is clear

Why would I ever lie to you, my dear?

Oh, don’t worry, honey it’s just my weekend blues

Throughout the week, I’m fine, but about this time, there’s nothing I can do

Oh, don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

Don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

When I’m at home, I’m enthralled with you

You’re the best, I can’t keep my mind off you

Oh, no, baby, I’ve got nothing to hide, nothing on my mind

No, I’m not acting funny, not playing hard to get

Don’t worry ’bout me, I’ll be in bed before ten

Oh, I said that it’s nothing, and my head is clear

Why would I ever lie to you my dear?

Oh, don’t worry, honey it’s just my weekend blues

Throughout the week, I’m fine, but about this time, there’s nothing I can do

Oh, don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

Don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

When I’m awake, I’m alright, my dear

Everything is fine, you have nothing to fear

Oh, no, baby, I’m calm inside, nothing's on my mind

No, I’m not bitter, I’m just sparkly as glitter

You don’t need to bother, ’cause I’m warm as winter

Oh, I said that I’m fine, and my head is clear

Why would I ever lie to you my dear?

Oh, don’t worry, honey it’s just my weekend blues

Throughout the week, I’m fine, but about this time, there’s nothing I can do

Oh, don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

Don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

Oh, don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

I said, don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

Oh, don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

Don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

It’s just my weekend blues

My weekend blues

Oh, baby, I’m fine

So don’t you mind

The vacant stare in my eyes

You’re so accustomed to

This new way I look at you

You know that it’s not true

But I’m stuck in this pensive mood

Trying to find the right thing to do

You’re asking me questions, but getting no answers

As you hurt, you understand me better

I’m searching for truth

While losing my youth

I feel powerless, like there’s nothing I can do

But don’t worry, honey, it’s just my weekend blues

The emphasis in the outro here is the line “You’re asking me questions, but getting no answers/As you hurt, you understand me better.” This shows what he is going through. He has questions, he is looking for answers, but he is coming up empty. He thought he knew what God’s will was, but now he is unsure. The suspense and lack of an answer is killing him, causing him to wrestle with it all the time. He’s losing focus, he feels like he’s losing his sanity, and he just can’t escape the hurt. He feels forsaken, but he’s still searching. Looking for truth, even though it has taken him longer than he wants it to. He knows God will answer, but he’s losing heart.

I have a fear of abandonment

I know that I wouldn’t be able to handle it if

Someone left me; I can’t be left alone

So I hold on tightly to the friends I have and make new ones sparingly

I thought the feelings would fade, but now that I’m older the weight on my shoulders seems to have grown

I fight to have courage, but I’m a coward and not what I dare to be

No matter how many times you say you’ll be there for me

I’ll still fear that one day something I say will play a role in us parting ways, so desperately

I cling to you to you in hopes that you’ll stay

My fear has no weight, but I stay up late and lay

In bed, thoughts racing through my head, pondering my mistakes and if you’ll be there when I’m lying in a casket

I’m clingy, I’ll never leave your side, though I try to mask it

My thoughts are toxic, they tear me to pieces

They beat me down and keep me fearing your leaving is nearing; it never ceases

I don’t know why I keep sipping this poison they offer

They have me convinced that they are the author of my future

But the Hell they show me is not what I desire

Fear grips me by the throat like thorns to a flower

I feel like I have no power

I feel like everyone I love is waiting to leave me

My wicked, twisted thoughts continue to deceive me

Abandoned and left for granted, I don’t think I can take the pain

I’m delirious for fearing this, so I call on God’s name

Living, loving, losing, there is no choosing life’s next twist

Hiding and confiding in isolation, I can’t find peace of mind

Living, loving, losing, I’ll keep choosing to hide

If I love you, I have something to say to you

But I just can’t bring myself to

A confession of addiction, an affliction that’s been with me for too many years

A talk of salvation, a conversation among the chiefest of my fears

Unexplainable feelings of love and a hope that they’re supported by our God above

An explanation for my hiding and how I just need your love and a hug

A talk of my heart and if it will ever start to heal from the loss of my beloved pet

The inevitable confession to the love of my life I haven’t yet met

A letter of regret about how I wasn’t entirely truthful about being better

But this fear of abandonment stops me from doing this, thinking that you’ll leave me and be bitter

I’m still heart broken and unprepared for loss, so I haven’t dared to come clean and talk

This lack of trust in my friends and family is holding me back in my life’s walk

Abandoned and left for granted, I don’t think I can take the pain

I’m delirious for fearing this, so I call on God’s name

Living, loving, losing, there is no choosing life’s next twist

Hiding and confiding in isolation, I can’t find peace of mind

Living, loving, losing, I’ll keep choosing to hide

I’ve been hiding for too long

Lost in gloom, yet again I’m confiding in a song

I best express my thoughts late at night in rhyme

I confide in these lines but they only help for a brief period of time

I have come to find that the solace they provide is empty and temporary

But the only other option is opening up, and I find it scary

So I’m wary to proceed, but it’s obviously the deed God wants from me

To be freed from this fear I have so needlessly

So when I’m abandoned, which I still can’t bear to let happen, I guess you weren’t a friend in the first place

But I love you; and your friendship cannot be replaced

I am the queen,

Of my little town

I am the queen,

Without a crown!

The hut is my palace,

The chair is my throne

My people have no malice,

My people never frown!

In my queendom

Of love and joy,

There is wit and wisdom

In every girl and boy.

I am no Helen,

I am no Psyche

For I rule the haven,

A place many seek.

That’s who I am,

The queen of my town

And that’s what I am,

A queen without a crown!

"Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go (Proverbs 2:9 NLT)."

As I get older, I am valuing wisdom more and more. Not because I want to be smarter for bragging rights, but for life purposes. I want to grow wiser so I can handle stressful situations with a clearer head. I want wisdom so I can write more meaningful, helpful words (and speak them too). I desire more wisdom so I can be a stronger, improved presence for my wife, my kids, my extended family, my friends, my coworkers, and to those I don't know yet. Lord, thank You for Your gift of wisdom. Please help me to cultivate wisdom and use it wisely. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

“How’s your nose?” Maya asked, tying my bowtie.

“It’s fine. I think it’s fully healed from the fight last month,” I replied.

“Ha! Fight? You got beat up, dude. There was no fighting whatsoever.”

“Pffft, I totally punched the lead in the chin, kicked the guitarist in the knee, and threw… something at the drummer.”

“Maybe in your dreams! He punched you in the nose, and you were out cold,” Maya said, giggling.

“My story is better, mi amor,” I said with a wink.

“Esta lejos de la verdad,” she replied.

“True, but it is más interesante.”

Finished with my bowtie, she stood on her toes, kissed me on the cheek, and said, “Break a leg.”

“I’d rather not. Broke my nose last month,” I said, walking away.

“Love you.”

“Love ya too.”

I exited my dressing room and walked down the hall to the curtains. Taking a deep breath, I walked on stage.

“WHAT UP, WHAT UP, WHAT UP!? IT’S YA BOY CJ BACK UP IN THE HEEZY FOR REALZY!” I hollered.

It was so quiet after I said that you could have heard a pin drop.

“Well, that joke didn’t work. Duly noted. It’s Pen to the Paper 8, yo,” I said. Then, deepening my voice, "Drop the mic.”

SCREEEEEEEECH!!!

″That was a mistake!” I said, covering my ears and walking off stage awkwardly.

My favorite color?

Clear!

Nothing.

Emptiness.

Reflections from the outside.

Serenity and void within.

Expose what is hidden.

Magnify what is small.

A Message

Just as it was that day,

Enrich your mind, your essence,

Search for the true peace he sought,

Understanding his soul is limitless,

Saving a place inside himself for us all.

Be not afraid to cry for help.

Listen for the word to touch you,

Envision what awaits your future,

Driving forces will carry you.

Forgetting not that single day,

Often memories filled with both pain and tears,

Relinquish your spirit to his memory.

He gave his life for an uncertain future,

Unfailing in his strength he died for us,

Mankind speaks of him in many tongues, many ways,

A reverence unlike no other man in history,

Notwithstanding, his return will be glorious,

Infuse your thoughts, faith, passions of the moment,

Therefore, by faith, belief, trust in the Word,

Yearn deeply for a return with a glorious evermore.

he came

the friend i never had

and he was the best friend i'd

ever had.

he kept me from

hurtling over the edge.

he was always there

and yet he was never there.

so many contradictions

that i've learned to ignore.

because if he's the friend i never had

then how come he's saved me

more than anyone else?

so many contradictions

that i've learned to ignore

because if i allow myself to think too hard

he might disappear

and i'll

break.