Eyelashes singe from grilling behind.

Bones ache, joints seized, unholy shrine.

Mouth arid akin to dust.

Raucous skull akin to rust.

Was it worth it?

Cloudy lucidity, hazy memories of words said.

Raising Diablo with sultry potions of dead.

Flashes of dancing... but I don't tread!

The horror, the dread...

Brandon waited for the sound of a pin dropping.

Silence like this had to be pierced at some point. He prayed for anything besides his wife's breathing next to him, besides the clink of her pearls as she fiddled with her necklace. The jury was eyeballing him with a mingle of sympathetic looks and scowls. The sympathy outweighed the anger, which was why he'd be getting his son back again.

The gavel had been struck. Soft murmurings started up as people finally became mobile.

"I know he did it."

"That boy's going to get killed."

"Wait to see it in the papers."

Heavy doors creaked open somewhere behind him. Brandon stared up at the judge and hated him, hated the way he looked down at him, the way his thoughts were written all over his face. I can't wait to land your ass in prison next time.

You wish, fucker.

His wife put a hand on his arm. Her fingers were delicate and dainty. The engagement ring he'd given her so long ago glared up at him, condemned him. He wanted to take her pretty little hand and crush it between his fists. To bruise her eyes and leave the imprint of his knuckles along her lovely face. She'd deserve it. Deserve every little bit of it.

"Come on, sweetheart," she murmured. "We won. Let's get out of here."

Their lawyer smiled at them as they walked past. Perfect teeth, perfect hair, and the reek of pricey cologne. The best con money could buy. He followed them out to their car and opened the door for his wife.

"That was a great victory today. I'm so glad for your family. I hope you'll contact our firm with any furth-"

Brandon put it in drive and pressed the gas. Deb gasped, the door on her side shutting awkwardly as she tugged it in. The lawyer stood behind them, dumbstruck back to that plastic smile, polished leather shoes glinting on the asphalt.

"That was rude," Deb said. Her voice was like nails being driven into his eardrums. "He's done a lot for us."

Brandon's teeth clicked together hard. It hurt down to the roots and he clenched harder. He merged onto the highway past a minivan that blared its horns angrily, gunning it up to eighty, then ninety.

"It's sixty," his wife pointed out. Her voice was tense, her shoulders pale and borne through her red dress. It was a ridiculous thing to wear to a trial. She looked like a slut, not like some saddened mother whose son had broken a leg. An arm. A son that had had bruises often enough the nurses of his private school called protective services.

They'd showed up at the hand-carved door of their sprawling house with grim faces. Their son had watched from the staircase with his teddy in hand, wide-eyed and wondering.

The blue on his cheek had been steadily turning yellow. It'd be gone by the time they picked him up, like it'd never happened. But it had, everything had, and that truth would never go away.

"The speed limit is-"

"Shut the FUCK up!"

He whipped around a semi and she shuddered, turning her head away with tears in her eyes. He didn't care. He couldn't bring up even a single shred of empathy, not anymore. Enough was enough, and he'd had his fair share. His hands tightened on the wheel and he imagined choking the life out of her slender throat. He imagined it and wished he had the balls to carry it through.

She'd earned a taste of her own medicine.

"I'm not covering for you anymore," he rasped.

Deb didn't answer. She turned her face away, watching the cars whiz by, worrying her hands in her lap.

"If you ever touch our son again, I'll fucking kill you."

My name is Jack and I’ve got style in spades...see what I did there? Anywhoo...most people think I am pretty rad but there is this one girl that isn’t so impressed. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I took her on a date and didn’t spare any expense. I had been asking her for months and months and months. Some would say I wore her down but I think she always wanted to say yes but just was shy. Like, really, really shy. I mean, c’mon...what else could it be.

Back to the sick date I took her on. I picked her up in my dad’s ride. Me being 35 and only having worked graveyard shift at Micky D’s doesn’t allow for a dope ride like he has...AND since I live with my parents, he knows I have to come home with it sometime. LOL. I told that joke to her as well but she didn’t think it was as funny as I did. Some people lack the wicked sense of humor I have. Oh well, I can be funny for the both of us. I told her that.

I picked her up at her house which, get this, she owns. I was like, you must have inherited money or something. She gave me a weird look when I said that. I am sure it was a look of “this guy is so mysterious”.

First stop: my work. I forgot that I hadn’t locked up one of the freezers plus I wanted to get a large fries “on the house” for her. I think when I came back out to the car (my dad’s car) with large fries and said “got these for free”, she was pretty impressed with my pull.

Second stop: the beach. And not the beach where it’s all sandy and dirty but the beach that has barnacle covered rocks. Feeling close to nature and microorganisms brings all back to center and I just knew it would bring us close. Who doesn’t look at sea urchins and think this is the perfect date...this guy is a keeper. I pulled out 2 bottles of Boones. “Wild Island” because it’s the best. I’d also brought a box of Ritz crackers, the box with 4 packages of crackers, not two. I poured the wine into a couple red keg cups that I had just grabbed from the house. I had a really good feeling that the wine would warm us up while sitting in the misty, 48 degree Seattle weather.

I looked at her. She was shaking. I said “don’t be nervous”. She said “I’m not, I’m freezing”. Funny girl. As she started to say something that sounded like “I really want to go home” I put my finger up to her lips to shush her. It felt right in the moment. I said “let’s just sit back and try to see the stars in the sky thru the clouds”. Everyone knows that when you are looking at the hundreds of stars in the sky, you feel somehow insignificant and more vulnerable. Like, even though there are over a hundred stars in the sky, there is only one of me. Crazy.

Well this is where things went sideways. There was a bus stop directly across the street from “our beach”. Without saying another word, she got up and headed that way. Left her keg cup and everything. I said “hey, where are you going?“. Her response was “anywhere away from here”. Whatevs THAT is supposed to mean. I yelled out “you don’t even know where that bus is headed!“. She said “doesn’t matter”. Weird...I didn’t think we’d be playing these love games so early in our relationship. So I laughed and waved to her. What a kitten she is.

She got on the bus and left and I finished my Boones and ritz crackers. I killed the rest of her fries too. I was pretty sure she wouldn’t be coming back and they smelled so good. I decided right then and there I would play her little game but it was also nice just being on the beach spending time with my favorite person...me.

So how did I figure out that she wasn’t all that impressed with me you ask? She told me later and it was also in the restraining order. I still think this is a big game we are playing and besides, you only get one shot at this type of guy. I’m sure she knows that. Why be with a zero when you can be with a hero. I say that to every girl I meet. They love it.

Well, that’s the long and short of it. Absence make the heart grow fonder and she’s a butterfly so I am going to release her and if she doesn’t come back than it wasn’t meant to be and has no idea when a good thing is staring her right in the face. As they say, you can lead a beautiful horse to water....

The fact that you have

The only way to go home

The new version is better than

The only one that I don't know

The only thing that would make it a little more

The new version is better

The fact that you are so many things

The only one that I don't have

I love it when you are the same

I don't think that I can see it

I love you so much better than the other

I have a great way of saying that it was the first time

I love it when people are just too much

I don't think that you can get it together

I don't know if you want me

I don't know if you want to go to the point of having to pay the price

i feel like i am drowning

in fresh water

sitting on the kitchen table

in pristine sixteen ounce glasses

and i would drink the water,

but i'm not thirsty

mom says

there are people

who would kill

for fresh water,

there are people

who are dying

from dehydration

because they don't

have enough to drink

there are people

who don't have the extra water

to brush their teeth

and soak their skin

and clean their hair

i am milliseconds away

from splashing the water in my face

to see if i can wake up

from this nightmare

I stood there motionless and numb, watching the blood flow from her face and into her blonde hair as his car made another pass. I ran and dodged through the cars and timed my gait to the tight turn of the beat-up dodge as it chugged, kicking up dust and lumbered along the dirt parking lot. I could see through the soiled fog--the driver's window down, and with three long strides I leapt off the dry gravel ground, flying through the air head-first and through the driver's side window as Deep Purple's Highway Star rang into my ears. The shock on the goon's face was hilarious and priceless as I delivered a thrash metal head butt, the car smashing and sliding to a stop as Ian Gillian screamed.

I have always wanted to not have a plan, to turn off the organizer in my brain. To have a week of wandering aimlessly from one thing to another without choosing or deciding what is wise. The freedom from always knowing what the right thing to do is, and then following that voice. The ability to not be compelled to put those I love first, and instead just "be" in a moment, and move forward without constant thought regarding this, that or whatever. It sounds so delicious when described as it is above.... Now if I could only stop making the list on what the downside to this would be! To just come what may.....