the man on the bus
today when i was going to the bookstore, a man sat next to me on the bus. he looked kindly and old, like a grandpa who checks on you in the middle of the night, if anything just to watch you.
he smiled at me and i smiled back like my mother taught me.
have you ever been to the coffee shop on State Street? he asked.
i can’t say i have, have you? i said.
i went once when i was younger, years ago. you just looked the type to go there. he said.
what type is that? i asked.
the type who looks tired, and needs coffee. but good coffee, the kind that comes with clarity, not just caffeine. he said.
i wanted to scream in his face. i wanted to open his eyes with my fingers to see my hair and my neck. but i didn’t need to do that, not really. he saw me. he just meant i look young, i think. when you’re young everything you do is to seek clarity. you ask questions. you ask for directions. you ask what song is playing, and what’s your favorite book? you ask old men on buses what type is that, because for the love of God or whatever is pushing humans around like chess pieces, who am i? please tell me, old man, what type am i? am the type who will end up like you? or the type who will lay under a willow tree next to a person i’ve never known? i want you to know, old man, i tried the coffee on State Street. it tastes like children and sunlight on my face in March. it tastes like my friends smile and your wrinkles. i want you to know, old man. i drank the caffeine, but you gave me the clarity i needed to keep asking questions.
what should i order? i asked the old man.
he smiled.
Mother’s day
(I am not really a writer and also I don't know how to write a proper conversation in a writer's way so I will write the way I wrote in a school and also english is my 3rd language so feel free to point out mistakes I love to learn new things and prose is like my hobby)
Josh:(on a phone)Hello pi! How are you sis?I wanted to talk about our tomorrow's plan about mother's day.
Pi: yeah ,ok I will met you at your house then also call our little brother Sam too.
(After some time pi arrives at Josh's house.)
Pi: Hey Josh, have you called Sam?
Josh: yeah I did but he said he will be busy tomorrow but he suggested to take mom at her favourite hotel for lunch.
Pi: What? How come he is busy, isn't he the one who always cry to mom and show extra affection to mom. He really had two sides.
Josh: yeah I think he only acts in front of mom to get money from her.
Pi: Tomorrow is an important day we should spend time with our mother but he isn't going to show up. Last time he did the same when mom wanted to visit our uncle he said he was busy and mom had to go to the station alone.
Josh: yeah he is really selfish but mom still love him a little more than us.
Pi: Well then tell him he had to pay for a gift if he is not coming if he didn't mom won't get a gift.
Josh:yeah it's such an important day also last year you and I paid for that expensive gift, it's really now his turn to pay and the gift has to be expensive as it is for mom.
Pi:. Yeah it has to be, so then call him.
(Josh calls sam and asks for money for the gift and they both shout at him for not coming )
Pi: Mom really has to see who are her real kids. So then let's take her to the hotel and give her a nice gift.
Josh: But what we will buy for her?
What she really wants?Do you think of anything pi?
Pi: No not really I mean we are meeting her after I don't know much but I talked her on call last month that time she said that she wanted to buy a new sitting chair for the garden.
Josh: let's buy that!
Pi: ok then let's surprise mom tomorrow. Oh god I am really excited.
(Then pi went to her home and the next day Josh and pi bought the gift and then went to the destination)
(The bell rings and the mother opens the door and get surprised tears of happiness start coming out of her eyes pi hugs her and she comfort her)
Pi and Josh: Happy mother's day mom how are you?
Pi : oh please mom don't cry ,look we are here to celebrate mother's day with you.
Mom: I am fine kids it's just it's really been a long time seeing you two.
Josh:Oh mom it's ok now let's go inside and get you ready cause we hove surprise for you!
Pi: yeah let's get inside.
(They go inside)
Josh: ok mom please get ready we are going to your favourite hotel.
Pi: And guess what we had a gift for you! Remember you said you wanted a sitting chair for the garden, we bought it for you!
Mom: wait what! But Sam already bought that for me last month.
Pi: What! oh god and he didn't even told me about it. He is a real jerk. Now he ruined our gift.
Josh: First he didn't came and now this.
Mom: Oh you two why you blaming poor Sam for this.
Pi:poor Sam? Seriously? Mom he didn't even came to greet you today.
Josh: Yeah mom seriously though you always love and care about Sam more and you never blame him for anything.
Mom: Oh he called me he said he was busy but he greeted me on phone.
Josh: Mom we were busy two but we came. You know what from next year we will greet you on phone too ok why don't you go and celebrate with your beloved Sam.
Pi: yeah mom you alwas do Sam this Sam that we are your kids too but you never love us this much now the day is ruined.
Mom: You kids are all same to me why are you talking like that and the day is not ruined we will got to the hotel I'll be ready real quick and for the chair I will keep that one too. Ok.
Josh: No mom now the mood is ruined let's cancel the lunch plan at the hotel.
(The bell rings pi opens the door Aunt sui came to visit mom today pi greets her and welcome her in)
Aunt sui: What's the matter?Why you all look so down?
Pi: Oh it's nothing it's just ... Nevermind.
(Mother says hello to Aunt and then she went towards the kitchen)
Aunt: Oh tell me please what happened?
Josh: Oh nothing aunt we came here to celebrate mother's day but mom isJosh: Oh nothing aunt we came here to celebrate mother's day but mom only care about Sam Sam and Sam.
Pi: yeah we came here nearly after a year and mom only thinks about Sam.
By the way Aunt why aren't you with your kids today aren't they gonna celebrate mother's day with you?
Aunt: Oh we don't celebrate mother's day they just greet me.
Pi: Look mom how lucky you are that we come every year to greet you and spend time with you unlike Sam and also celebrate your day.
Aunt: Oh I ain't say your mom is lucky I think I more lucky in kids.
Josh: what do you mean aunt don't mind aunt but your kids don't even celebrate mother's day with you.
You said it yourself didn't you?
Aunt: yeah we don't celebrate mother's day because we don't have to.
Pi: What do you mean?
Aunt: look kids what a mother needs is a quality time with their children my kids and we spend a lot of time together whenever they get time they visit me they eat dinner with me sometimes the are always besides me when I became sick sometimes they buy me gifts even if they are busy with their lives and family they always gave time to me to their mother and you know what Sam does the same too for your mother your mom lives here alone so he always spend time with your mom whenever he gets it he always take care of your mother's health but you two only visit your mom occassionally like relatives not like kids to your mother.
So I will say I am more lucky.
“Tis better to have loved and lost...”
Person 1: "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"--I feel that eating a McDonald's burger is just like that.
Person 2: Now…why is that?
Person 1: Because everyone has at one point. Even if they lament doing so. Just like bad love.
Person 2: Now…is it fair to compare love to something like a McDonald's burger? It can't love you back.
Person 1: But it can! It can be bad and good…just like love.
Person 2: Really? But…how can love be bad?
Person 1: Love is a game. It is bad to losers. Bad love is just like eating a McDonald's burger: the initial taste may feel good, but overtime you find, that really, it's the other way around…that the burger is really consuming you.
Person 2: …Is that possible? Could dead meat eat somebody?
Person 1: Not literally--figuratively. Once inside you, it begins to eat away at your heart...consuming you from the inside out!
Person 2: You've just spoiled my appetite.
The courage to embrace
“That’s not what I mean… but it’s just - it just is.” Hand in other hand, I play with my own fingers in growing anxiety. It’s just… it’s difficult, you know?
“Hm… what just is?” The blank turmoil in my mind comes to a slow stop as his eyes look up at mine. They’re all that I can see.
“Umm… mmm…” Scratching at my head has never been a habit of mine… it seems like one today.
“Look at me.” In a loss of certainty, I’m thankful for a sense of direction. The ground shakes amidst my faltering focus.
His gaze never wavers, and I’m not sure if he expects something from me.
But I don’t say anything.
We just look into each other’s eyes.
Not searching for anything in particular…
But hoping to hold one another in any way that we can.
After a while, he speaks.
“I don’t mind crouching down on these steps. I don’t mind being out here with you late at night. I don’t mind spending this moment the way that I am right now. With you.”
If there were words I could’ve found before, they were gone now. All I can do is stare.
“I don’t know what you’ve been through… I don’t know how you’ve lived your life so far. But… I hope that you can trust me. It’s not the most difficult concept, but it’s definitely not an easy thing - right? Mm… I’m not perfect. But… I have confidence in being honest with you. I’m not too prideful or stubborn, but I stand by my beliefs. I’m not easily shaken, and I see the beauty of life for what it is.
“I want to love you. I already like you. I want to show you the beauty that I see… and I want to know you better. I want to be a shoulder you can lean on. But only… if you’d let me.”
I’ve never known how to see a person for who they could be. I’ve always seen them for who they are.
This person in front of me… who looks up into my eyes as I sit on the step above his.
I don’t know who he is.
And I don’t know if I can trust him.
But…
I can’t help but feel drawn.
To his warmth. His kindness. His genuity.
His love.
I guess it’s moments like these where those sayings around meeting a good person when you don’t expect to…. happen.
To be sure, I hold his gaze the way he does mine.
It’s happened.
And I feel the courage…
To embrace it.
I Don’t Know My Name
Hello, called me Vandana.
"That's original? How did you end up with a beautiful name?
I chuckle and smile and extend my arm.
It was what the police and whoever brought me to the orphanage at two years old. My adoptive parents decided to change it to Moriah (some biblical term that my pastor father decided would acclimate me better in this god-forsaken world.)
I've never known my real name. My date of real birth (they chose one at the orphanage to put me in a "system")
I couldn't tell you much before the time before I was moved to the States. I can only remember what they told me.
Off the plane. I refused to let the woman who I know call Mom hold me. The man who I now call my father is the only one who I would let touch me and swiftly hold my thumb to my lips and be silent in a second.
I hated American food (this is what I have only been told.) But the presence of a banana and I would stop my crying ( this took a long time.)
I grew up in a middle-class family. My brother wasn't very nice to me when we got older so I feel so alone.
Not only did they adopt an Indian child. They raised us in a world of strictly American culture. And yes, white American culture.
I tried my first Indian food by 19 in college.
I was surprised when the waiter asked me why I didn't know what Naan was.
He said his son and daughter have known this since their very first years. I was just more upset about that and I should have known.
I've been lost before then. I should have known that growing up Albino would have made it even harder to fit in. I'm exhausted but guess what, I'll never know my true name.
You want to ask what I believe is an existentialist crisis.
Well, could you say the same?