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(And now. . . my frostbitten Indifference.)

That'd make you feel good wouldn't it? Seeing me lose control. Then you could play the victim but this isn't a game I'm willing to throw. You think you're so fucking smart, that you've got me backed into a corner. I built this fucking house. I'll burn it to the ground before you're part owner. You mistake my stillness for weakness, thinking I've lost my edge. But just because a monster is quiet doesn't mean it's dead. You provoke as if you're a challenge but the power has always been imbalanced. I could have ended you with a few words, pointed out some harsh truths then stood back and watched you swing from that noose. But this monster doesn't stir that easily, especially not for someone so measly.

You stand behind me;

Blood dripping off your switchblade.

Drops of warmth splatter atop frozen cement.

Trust shattered like my rib-caged bones;

Air becomes harder to breathe.

And for what—so you could fulfill a selfish desire?

Accomplishing such a feat means,

you bruised me too many times to count.

I took it. I took it some more, and I fucking took it some more.

I should have trusted myself long ago, but didn’t,

and where did it lead me?

I let you in close enough to cut the wind from my sails,

and now my canvas runs red.

You arrogant prick. You ignorant ass!

You’ll never realize the damage you created,

as you repeatedly kicked sand into my eyes.

A drawn line that was clearly defined, vanishes,

until I am so blinded by pain,

it’s transformed into rage.

If you wanna feel my heat, I’ll show you how to burn.

If you wanna know how I feel, I’ll drown you in a perspired dream,

only to watch you dehydrate from exhaustion,

then devour your soul when you are weak and thirsty.

You poked a sleeping bear and I am now roused,

but instead of being your monster,

I will exit your life faster than a shooting star racing through your darkest sky,

and leave you empty and abandoned in a forest of nightmares,

to greet your demons and meet your devil.

They will take care of my light work,

while I sit back and enjoy the sunrise,

sipping on a cocktail of your pitiful tears.

Your taste may be awful and bitter,

but knowing that you are dried and withered because of it

is worth every gulp.

So, I drink you down slowly to savor,

your arrival in hell.

Where do you get off? What gives you the fucking right to treat me this way then expect that I just forgive you because you were 'in a bad mood'. that dosent excuse your fucking abuses. and YEARS of it. im so tired of having to coddle your emotions. Grow the fuck up. You are supposed to be an adult not someone the same age as me. You act like a spoiled brat when you're mad. im so tried of you expecting to act like nothing happened just because you feel guilty for what youve done.I'm sick of your gas lighting, im so sick to death of you lying to everyone and telling them im crazy. im sorry last time I checked I wasnt the one beating and emotionally abusing a literal child. I need to grow up? look at your fucking self. Its a monkey see, monkey do world, everything I learned that you hate so much I learned it all from you. I don't owe you forgiveness you have to earn that. You try to say everything i suffered through, everything you put me through, didnt happen? Bullshit. You just dont want to admit to what you've done. I can be nice and I can be civil with you, but make no mistake, I fucking hate you. I hate your fucking guts.

(this isn't aimed at you prompter, more so a vent)

You were 'just kidding'? That's ridiculous, were you really telling a joke, or have you finally realized you are one. You know what's funny, you don't hesitate to crack jokes but the second I say something at your expense I'm the bad guy. You know what, you're not even a snake, at least snakes have brains - small brains - but bigger than yours. No, you're an ostrich. When you sense danger you stick your head in the ground, thinking we won't see you. You aren't even smart enough to cover your own ass. We know you have problems, but that's no excuse. You have a bad past, why are you trying to ruin everyone's present. Let me let you in on a secret. I. Pity. You. No one wants you in this group, you forced yourself in. We've told you your jokes aren't funny, we've told you we don't 'gel' with you. Why don't you gather some self respect and leave. You're hurting us and you're hurting yourself. Go find someone who'll take your shit. Oh, you're crying. Don't cry. I was just kidding.

What is wrong with you?

No, like, actually.

What. Is. Your. Problem.

I tried to like you, I really did, but you are so disgusting.

Inside and out.

There is no win.

I loved you, fuck, I still do, but I don't fucking like you.

I did not leave you because we had ONE argument.

I did not leave you because I can't handle criticism.

I did not leave you because I didn't want to change.

I did not leave you to pursue someone else.

I did not leave you because I was pursuing someone else while we were together.

I left you because I didn't like you.

I left you because you were my first love, not my only, and not my last.

I left you because you were not the one.

You never were, you never were going to be, and you never will be.

When we were split, I thought I missed you and your romance, but I realize now that romance was never even there.

I didn't miss your love. I was mourning our friendship.

Every day we were together, I hated you more and more.

I hated when you touched me or would tell me you loved me.

I hated when you bragged to others about our "love story."

I hated how you talked shit about the people I cared about because I hung out with them when I could have hung out with you.

When I told Lex, he said we should've been friends with benefits.

What fucking benefits?

The sex I didn't want and didn't like?

The dates you never wanted to go on?

The dinners with your family where they would sit there and talk down on me while you laughed along?

The conversations you never wanted to have with me?

The making fun of my passions?

The insulting of the people I care about?

The kisses you forced down my tongue?

The shit you would talk about me to your friends you think I never heard about?

The communication skills you didn't have?

You were the fucking worst.

I was so scared that maybe it was all in my head and that it wasn't that serious.

Maybe I was just having an episode, and I'll start liking you again after we break up.

All the things you always said were such a problem when the only problem was you.

I guess I was right though, I do like you more now that we are not together.

I like you better when I don't owe you shit.

I like you now that I'm not forced to.

I have been so happy to not be your girlfriend.

I haven't talked any shit, started any rumors, or thrown any shade.

It's clear to see that you aren't capable of that though.

This was the thing I was most worried about.

You don't know how to leave with grace.

I've heard a million rumors, and all of them have come from you.

Why does there have to be a problem?

You do not know how to be at peace.

I pray that one day you will have enough self-respect to let yourself be happy.

I know I do.

But I also know I'd be even happier if, for once in your goddamn pathetic life, you shut the fuck up.

I'm sorry, but no one wants to hear about every piece of trauma you've gone through before they know your favorite color. And we don't want to hear it in the middle of talking about something that made us happy.

You find the need to make everything about yourself, and you refuse to let someone else feel good about themselves or their accomplishments.

There is a reason no one fucking likes you. It's because you are you.

Simple.

You are an annoying piece of shit that no one wants to be around or to have to listen to.

And the sad part is, I'm not even saying that just to say it.

I have all the people you force to be around you that you think you are friends with to back me up.

Everyone who heard about what happened with us through you went straight to me for the real story.

70% of the people you hung out with stopped because they don't feel obligated to anymore because I'm no longer there begging them to be nice to you.

The rest are just there because they feel bad and are trying to be a good person because they know if they didn't hang out with you, you would be completely lonely.

They told me.

ALSO

your ass is not black. no one in your family is. even your family will say that. stop making being black your major personality point. we all know.

Quit fucking talking over me!

Don't hush me or shush me!

I told you it had a point and meaning, now you want me to just... What? Tell you in hindsight? I should have tried better?

Nah, man. Fuck that.

Fuck outta here with that garbage ass shit!

You wanna know what'll fucking make me apologize?

You first. You fucking first.

Until then, you can shove it where the sun don't shine.

You can take it up the ass.

I ain't apologizing till I'm good and ready when you started this shit first.

Yeah, yeah.

I get your point.

I see you.

I hear you.

I totally understand your point, but you know what?

You've been pushing it up to that point.

I ain't a goddamn saint so quit fucking acting like it.

You take and take and take the piss.

But you know what?

I'm sick of it!

What do you want from me?

What?

What the fuck was I supposed to do?

Sit there with my thumb up my ass?

Yeah, mhm. Fucking, back to you too buddy.

Ugh.

Whatever.

Tell me I bottle shit up.

You don't even give me the good goddamn space to speak.

So kiss my ass.

*sneers with a sarcastic smile*

Now I'm done. I'm off my soap box.

I'll be more agreeable.

Later.

I'm sure I will apologize first because I know you fucking won't.

What I still find difficult is that we started out well as friends but after some time passed, the real you in you I didn't know about came out of nowhere as far as I'm concerned.

Arrogant, rude, selfish, inconsiderate, cheater and thief and honestly, you became a horse's ass practically overnight. I never had a clue until then you were a Jekyll-Hyde person.

Your snide remarks to me, to my friends shows that you have no concern for other people's happiness. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you think I would just pass this off in you having a difficult day? I might have, but that day turned into two, three and then four days.

I can't take your conniving, deceiving ways any longer. I don't know how many bridges you have burnt down in the past but that stops with me.

As far as I'm concerned you can take your trashy insults with you along with a suitcase with what stuff you have and get the hell out of my apartment and out of my life. I just don't care any longer if you were to die getting hit by a truck.

Get out of my space, out of my life and pull this shit on someone else. I would say I would wish you well wherever you go but I can't.

You are dead in my eyes.

What makes you so dependent

On the trinkets in the store?...

I see belief suspended,

And it’s stretching more and more…

You read the Daily Panic

That is funneled through the pipes

It accentuates your high pursuits,

From old age to the next life…

I need eye to eye,

Skin to skin..

Necessities

You toss in the bin!…

I need mouth to mouth,

Cheek to cheek…

Heart language

Is the one I speak…

Your status is the sacred cow,

It reflects in all you buy…

Behind closed doors, in the here and now

You will wait for when pigs will fly

When the real you is revealed to all

In it’s shameful, sorry state…

With one fin revealed…hidden jaws of steel,

You’re the shark that guards your lake…

I need eye to eye,

Skin to skin..

Necessities

You toss in the bin!…

I need mouth to mouth,

Cheek to cheek…

Heart language

Is the one I speak…

Your the judge and the defendant

In this parody of whims…

Can you see me leave your courtroom

When the outlooks growing dim?…

I cannot stomach the torture

That the sanitized endure…

They’ve been backed into a corner

By these tickets they’ve procured…

I need eye to eye,

Skin to skin..

Necessities

You toss in the bin!…

I need mouth to mouth,

Cheek to cheek…

Heart language

Is the one I speak…

5/5/23

©

Bunny Villaire