He smiled a grin of lies

shallow running water of fibs

hurricane churning in his storm

deceitful ants clinging

on driftwood, floating out to sea

waves from his mouth

trespassing in watery grave

evasion hiding under ocean colors,

turquoise shadows upon his face

pale pink froth staining my soul

I tasted his salted falsehoods

and its aftermath tasted of him

sanded fabrication clogging pores

the booming surf drowning me

in his distortions of truth

I couldn’t breathe and washed

away in his tumultuous sea.

There's a period of waiting before our shift begins. We, the catering team, all sit together, a row of black uniforms.

I'm looking down at my phone because no one is talking to me. Instagram. Facebook. NYTimes. But my neck is stiff, so I decide to look up.

Everyone else is talking, engrossed with each other. Smiling. Gesturing. Nodding.

I watch for a few moments, then I look down again. No one spoke to me, but that's ok. I don't want them to.

Lying is a game

I play it all the time

I'd put on another face

So often I forgot mine

i want to be real

more than an illusion

tangible, in a way.

what a farce.

these facades, these masks

too many sides to count,

how can i keep track?

the jig is up.

usotsuki, usotsuki.

every word you speak is a lie

even the ones in your head.

i/you condemn me

and i wish i could undo it

but it’s too late

before cannot be derived from after.

why try?

it’s so much more beautiful,

no matter the dark side,

the price.

the best falsehoods are truth, at least in part or desire.

it’s a lie, isn’t it.

I close my eyes

Words slipping from lips

A bitter aftertaste 

Regret filling all the cracks of emotion

I don't know I'm doing it until it's done. 

I'm so familiar with construct of a lie, I can see them from far off, before the carrier even knows it's taking form. I look over the lies of my youth, and those in the not so distance past... some of them trivial and some I'd rationalized.

More times than not - I'd lied because I was afraid. Afraid that the truth would shred what little value I had in the world, afraid that it would show a repulsive excuse of a man.

I had no idea that the lies would bring to reality - the thing I'd sought to avoid.

(This was tough to relive)

I looked you in the eye

And lied to your face

The truth 

is what you have long expected

I had an affair

And yes,

it was with the mailman

He was surprisingly hung

And oh, boy

Did he know how to use it

I am only telling you this

because I want you

to sign the divorce papers

Because I'm

I'm going to marry that mailman

Sorry, honey

It not personnel

He's just better at sex

You took the saftey off your tonuge

Every lie is a bullet to heart

I ask you a question

You cock back the trigger

Unleash a round

I'm fine.

I'm sorry I'm late, I had car trouble. 

My phone died.

I just love your new haircut. 

I'll do it tomorrow. 

Oh yeah, I remember you.

Did you make this? It tastes delicious. 

I didn't know

I've only had one beer.

Go on, I'm listening.  

She didn't mean anything.  

Something came up. 

Not tonight, I have a headache. 

Get anything you want, I can afford it.  

You're right. 

It wasn't me. 

I'm not even hungry. 

It came out of nowhere.

I'm on my way.

Oh, that makes sense. 

And no, dear. You don't look fat in those jeans.

At night

When the darkness

Seeps in around me,

And I'm all alone

With my thoughts,

The truth creeps out

From that cave

It spent the day hibernating in,

And whispers in my ear

All the things

I've lied to myself about,

And don't think

I don't know they're lies,

In the daylight

I can delude myself,

But the stars

They confront me

They say,

"You're not over him."

And I know

I know

But when the sun rises,

And he's with her,

And I'm with you

I smile and ask,

"Who could ever

Love someone

Like him?"

And you don't know the difference,

And I don't know the difference