Don’t forget two duck...
A duck goes into a pharmacy: “I’ve got sore lips,” says the duck.
” Your beak is blistered. Here, use this cream.”
The duck takes the tube of cream.
“Are you paying for that?” Says the chemist.
“No,” replies the duck, just put it on my bill...”
Another duck one for older viewers.
How do you make a duck into an American singer from the 80s?
Put it in a microwave until its bill withers !
https://youtu.be/7s6VbOEnsgk
Kinda funny though...
A doe walks out of the woods and says, "That's the last time I do that for two bucks!"
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, "Is this stool taken?"
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
--Rrrr?
No, it's the sea!
A mommy shark and baby shark see a man drowning in the ocean. The baby shark asks his mom, "Why didn't the lifeguard save that hippie, Mom?"
"Because...he was too far out." :D
All the jokes about the guy with no arms and no legs...
Ex: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs....
-in the mail box? Bill.
-in the ocean? Bob.
--by the sink? Don (dawn).
-in a pile of leaves? Russell.
-on the front porch? Matt.
The Dialogue Box of AP Physics 1
Me: If I were any celestial body, I'd be a black hole because it's the most mysterious an most powerful.
Teacher: But you're just as bright and twice as dense
***************************************************
Teacher: You missed the negative here so you added instead of subtracting.
Me: But speed is always positive
Teacher: But this is velocity and it had to be negative.
Me: I don't need that kind of negativity in my life
**************************************************
Me: But then what happens to the kids who don't pass the test?
Teacher: Natural selection
*************************************************
Teacher: What's your favorite color?
Me: Clear
Teacher: Clearly. I knew you'd say that.
Me: It's like you can see right through me
************************************************
Teacher: An object in motion stays in motion.
Me: An object at rest will miss the test.
************************************************
Teacher: Jack has an apple on his head and you have to shoot an arrow at it. What happens if the arrow misses the apple?
Me: It depends. How good are Jack's reflexes?
Teacher: Superhuman.
Me: Then Jack will die every time. I'm a terrible shot
Teacher: He will be fine. Your three brain cells wouldn't know how to use a bow
***********************************************
Me: Will you miss me when I graduate?
Teacher: Emotionally or with the bow and arrow?
Voodoo Dick
(It's dumb.)
A woman walks into an adult store. She tells the guy behind the counter that her husband is going away on business and that she needs something to "entertain" her while he's gone. He reaches under the counter and pulls up a thin box with the words "Voodoo Dick" over the cover.
"Ooh" she says, mouth wide in awe. "How does it work?"
The clerk opens the box and shouts "Voodoo Dick: door!" The dildo flies out of it's box and once it hits the door, does not leave the store but instead starts hitting the door.
"What's it doing?" the woman asks.
"Can't you tell? It's fucking the door!"
"Ooh, I'll take it!"
...
Cruising down the street is a car swerving from side to side mile after mile. A cop pulls the car over. It's a woman in heat and convulsions. How she managed to stop the car was above the cop's paygrade.
"Help me," she pleads. "It's this Voodoo Dick! It won't stop fucking me!"
The cop stares at the woman in her convulsive state. He's seen plenty of things on the road, from addicts, to thieves, to speeding goats. But nothing prepared him for this. He responded with disbelief. Sure it was an addict or some amateur witch...
"Voodoo Dick? My ass-"
fin.