They say silence is half of a language. You can learn more about a person through their silence than through the words they speak. People learned a lot about me the day that I stood by and watched as someone got harassed by our peers. The regret I feel for not standing up for this person weighs on me like the full weight of the Earth itself was placed on my back. There have been more instances where my silence has allowed victims to suffer at the hands of others, and I will never truly be able to forgive myself for my inaction.

One more time

Give it to me once more, just one more

Promised this was the last time, oh the last time

I’ll let the craving take over my body

Close my eyes and feel it all sink in

Lay me away from the desire

Does this make me a liar, oh I think it makes me a liar

Baby please listen, it’s time to apologize

Cause I’m stuck right here again

Trying to pull myself out, with more and more self doubt

Give it, give it to me one final time

I’ll say this is the last time

We both know it’s not the truth

I’ll lay down, just me and you

Another night dragging on, dragging dragging on

Another morning of growing weaker

So wake me when this addiction is gone

Call me when the this feeling isn’t sinking in

I’ll never get away from this same old sin.

Same old sin

Cold sweats on the floor

With another bag full of it, full of it

One last time, oh baby just one more time

Looking at myself in the mirror

Never saw myself any less dearer

Baby please listen, I’m here to apologize

Stuck right here for all of eternity

Trying to pull myself out, with more self doubt

Give it give it to me one final time

I’ll say this is the last time

We both know it’s not the truth

I’ll lay down, just me and you.

Just get me away from this life

Cause I’ve got no excuses for why

Why why I kept using

All my pieces broke down, left to die.

Sometimes it seems like the end is nearing

Sometimes all these thoughts haunt me

I’ll try to scream the words out loud

I’m an addict, finally ready to be set free

Set myself free free free

I don’t know why I keep using over and over

Hidden so no one else can see

Pretending there’s nothing wrong with me

Pretending there’s nothing wrong with me.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

For falling back into the same old routine

I’m sorry sorry sorry

That I can’t stay clean

i am just a fake bimbo

he, a smart CEO

i applied for secretary

two month ago

he hired me instantly

i began to read his texts

his wife would text him

every hour and every day

i asked him one day

"Boss, why do you reply?"

he looked at me and replied

"Are you crazy?

her father owns this company!

he'd fire me for sure

if i dont reply his daughter!"

i laughed that silly little laugh

but one day i got fed up

she texted as usual

"Darling, papa is coming,

umm for dinner tonight!

what do you want me to cook?"

my boss had once told me

that his father in law was

allergic to mushrooms

i texted his wife

"Darling, cook lamb,

with white wine and

umm mushrooms!

hmm papa would love it!"

i realized what i had done

after i wrote the text

but i quickly deleted it

so my boss wouldnt see it

i had a minor migrane

because of her stupid

texts and wining and crying

darling this, darling that...

the next day my CEO

barged into the office

he began packing his stuffs

his laptop, his phone,

his camera, his files

he looked confused

and angry, i felt helpless

"Boss, how did the dinner go?

are you on a flight to Los Angeles, sir?"

he looks up at me, nearly yells

"NO! my father in law died last night,

my wife is divorsing me, and

im on my way to the hospital

to fill out a form, and thanks to you,

now my stupid wife wont ever

text me again, i'm finally free!"

i look incredulously at him

and smile, "Me too!"

The worst thing I have done?

Exist.

Okay, maybe that’s a little darker than what you were going for.

But that’s okay, because it’s true. For it is when I stop worrying about others, simily exist, that I am at my worst.

I am rude, uncaring, ignoring. No, that isn’t true. I am unthinking, brash, and socially inept (that’s better). I don’t think before I speak. I just exist.

It is the worst thing I have done.

I am a coward,

All my life I feared confrontation.

Instead of telling the men who asked me out a second time,

That it wasn’t a good fit.

I simply faded from their life.

The worst thing though,

Was ghosting you.

The conflict I had was not even with you.

But with a close friend of yours,

Who was once a close friend of mine.

She turned me into her enemy.

Started bad mouthing me,

And excluding me from my circle of friends.

Then came the book,

Where she saw herself in a character I created.

She was livid,

And more enraged towards me than ever.

I was afraid of what she was saying about me to you.

I was anxious that you would ask me questions about what happened.

I started avoiding your calls,

Letting them go to voicemail.

Letting you fade out of my life.

I had my reasons,

But that’s still no excuse for ghosting you.

Well, thinking again about it make me feel guilty. But the worst thing I’ve done is trust my friends.

I trust someone I used to call as friend and invest all I had at that time. I’ve passed one year struggling time and able to return some percentage of it.

But still I’m suffering from it. I thought that time friends are more important than anyone. So I really trust them.

But I realized that money can change person’s behavior so badly. Their greedy thoughts can ruin someone’s entire life.

From that day I stop believing my friends. I had a huge mental breakdown;I’ve got depressed. And finally totally changed into new person. Now I can ignore anyone without any matter. And I realized I should trust myself than others.

You want to know the worst thing I have ever done? Before we go any further, answer me three questions. You need to know this because...? What will you do with the information? Use it some way that could get me in trouble?

The worst thing I have ever done is something noone will ever know. I'm not even sure I know myself. There are a couple of things I've done that tie for the title of "the worst thing". It's a photo finish, but the camera malfunctioned when they crossed the finish line.

So, I guess we'll both walk away, wondering... What's the worse thing I have ever done?

Trembling, looking at myself,

This mirror must be broken

I am just fine

All I ever need is another line

I know that I hurt her

And I destroyed him

then I married a guy after 21 days

The first couple years is all a haze

But when I saw your little face

How could there have been any grace?

I wasn’t good enough to be mom

I felt better off if you were alone

The months that went by,

the pills that stopped getting me high,

All I could do was wonder why

I hated myself so much that

I needed to die

I will never forget that night

A 40 ounce at my side

A bottle of anti-depressants

A death that just wasn’t

I stared at the sky,

I begged for a reprieve

On the lawn of a church

I began to percieve

Crawling because I couldn’t walk

Drooling because I couldn’t talk

If it weren’t for 911

I think I’d have already passed on

How could I have done this

His father cried

What would your children have done

If you had died...

But something inevitably did die

That hate that I had since birth

The disgust towards my own life,

My own limiting self worth

And now it is alright