They're ripping me apart

but I call on you for help

I'm falling apart

with faith that you will catch me

I'm abandoned,

but I'm hoping... you're still with me?

I've lost everything,

But I'm believing you for more.

If faith is the substance of things not seen..

theres lots, because I see nothing

...yet

Holding on to what I've been taught

child hood bible stories turn to real beliefs

I'm waiting..where are you?

--------------

I let you be ripped apart to reveal the beauty beneath

I let you fall apart so I could put you together

-the right way-

I let them leave you to show you who's with you,

I let you feel alone so you could learn to call on me.

I let you lose what you valued so you would have real values

you felt lost so I could save you.

I removed distractions so you can hear me

I'm here, always have been.

Why on Earth do you believe in me?

I’m just this mess that can’t leave bed

This mess with no brain in her head

The mess that does not comb her hair, go outside, or seem to care?

The one who doesn’t eat or sleep

or think or dream

or hope or weep.

Why?

Did God say I could be saved too?

Do all your church friends praise you?

Is that what God told you to do?

Why?

Do you feel obligated to see that I am fed

and clean

alive not dead?

Do you just want me out of bed?

Why?

I waste my life away, you say

because I’m sad inside you say

Go outside and face the day

Just try something new, okay?

Okay.

Try something new too.

You’re sad too and I can see

It’s because of me, you see

I cannot get away from me

and my intrusive thoughts

So you’re wasting precious energy

Trying to spend time with me

And save a mind that has escaped

from any hopeful place

So you might have to face the fact

that I might never come back and that

This taxes your mind and body and soul

and sometimes you need to let go.

Try something new and let go.

When the sun is shining and you feel blessed

Think of me now and then think of me then

When the curtains close and you cannot rest

Think of me over and over again

Find bits of me in each person and place

Think of me think of me think of me think

When reality hits you in the face

Think of me with every breath and each wink

So think of me and all I'm made up of

Pack it into the baggage you're hauling

When you think that you are falling in love

When you find out that you are just falling

Remember my trust when I fell for you

Remember the hell that you put me through

The sky flashed, yellow, red, bruise-blue, sick-green, pink, yellow. The sky was burning.

A young woman, with spiky orange hair wrestled into a braid, lifted her gaze to the horizon and watched the towers crumble. Beneath her feet, cobble stones cracked. The forest behind them lost its green. Leaves fell and faded into ash before reaching the ground. Behind her and standing beside a well was a wrinkled little man. He held a knotted staff in one hand and wore a cirious expression.

“Magic eats the Rivera.” He lifted a knobby finger to point. “Fascinating.” Three hundred feet away a river flowed, sludge slow. From mud and branches, the color of gray and dead things, a massive figure leaned into the river. It swirled, made of wind and eyes that opened from nowhere and closed back into nothing. The magic shifted shape every moment shedding and gaining arms, legs, heads, mouths, and thousands of teeth. It sucked up the water and everywhere it looked the world lost its color. Its eyes came up to the old man and orange haired woman. The woman’s hair was sucked white and her taned face paled. The old man’s blue robes rippled and became gray. But his hair was already white. For a moment it swirled in a confused wandering way. Then it formed a voice that sounded like a thousand bird songs. Words came and blurred and then solidified.

“I can make you afraid.” It said like a gleeful child. “If I eat you.”

“Curse my rat of a father. Aldric, this place is doomed.” She said, the words heavy in her mouth.

“You must go.” Aldric said. “I will hold open the way.” He looked into the well and pressed his lips together. She turned and her armor clinked. Her hand rested on the hilt of her gray sword. The creature of wild magic stared at them as it drank the river. They would still be there when it finished. The woman went to Aldric and stared into the bottomless well.

“Will you follow?” She asked. The old man smiled his yellow teeth now pearl white.

“Oh mage’s daughter, I have sworn to protect you. If I make it through, I make it through. But prepare to continue on your own.”

“Very well soldier.” She began to pull of her armor. She hesitated then unbuckled her belt and let the sword clatter on the groud. Even sounds became mutted, sucked into the cavernous hunger that the magic had become. She stood on the rim of the well and looked back, not at the magic nor the confused colors of the sky, nor the distant ruins of a palace but into the face of Aldric.

“You are twice the man my father was.” She smiled and then dove headfirst into the well. The sun went out.

She swam through black water. Her heart pounding. She felt horibbly light. Bare without her amor. Gravity pulled her deeper. Her lungs complained gently, grew louder, and began to scream for air. She grew increasingly lightheaded and her limbs numbed. She commanded her legs to keep kicking.

I will die of old age. She thought fiercely. Then gravity flipped and stopped pulling her arms and tugged on her legs to go back the way she had come. A snort of relief let lose bubbles that fled down past her fingertips. A circle of dim light appeared far before her. She swam down and broke the surface. She was up again, in the air. She caught a glimps of pale morning sky through the opening of the well. She laughted and choked on sweet air. Tears streams down her temples as she treaded water.

“I’m alive!” She shouted gasping. “Alive!” There was hardly enough room for her to float so she reached as high as she could and touched a section of square stone that lined the well. The colors swarmed and blimped. The stone vanished leaving an emtpy place. She grabed on with both hands and pulled herself up. She created another gaping space for her to stand on. In this manner she began to climb the sheer wall of the well. The water erupted below her. Aldric took in air in huge gulps. He had left his staff and his heavy robes and now shivered in a thin tunic and trousers.

He threw a fist into the air and spoke in panting breaths. “I made it.”

“Aldric, I never doubted you.” She said and turned away so he could not see her expression. She climbed the rest of the way up and hooked her elbow over the rim of the well. She rolled over the stone and fell several feet to a grassly ground. She still heaved for breath but creaked to her feet and peered into the well. Aldric followed slower and she stuck her hand out to help him out. He tumbled to the earth beside her.

“I’m too old for this.” He panted.

“And far too young to die.” She responded. She took a step back and held out her hands so she could see the well between them. She narrowed her gaze and clapped her hands together. The well slambed into itself and vanished leaving only an empty hole in the ground. She dusted her hands off.

“That’ll keep anything from following.” She said regretfully. “No way back now.” She turned, set her hands on hips, and surveyed the meadow of wildflowers before her.

"There is always a way back." Aldric muttered.

“Which world did you chose for us?” She asked. “I don’t recognize it.”

Aldric stood and sniffed loudly. His hands patted his pockets and found a twisted pair of glasses.

“They didn’t fall out.” He said wonderingly. Then he set them on his nose and peered around. “I’m not sure.” He began. She glared at him. “Now I had to pick a place in a hurry.” He said waving a hand defensively. “But the good news is, it is very similar to our own world. I made sure of that. More similar I think than the ones I’ve shown you.”

She felt relief build in her chest. “Good, I’m not sure I want to live in a world full of factories, nor a world made of water and houses made of ships, nor that forsaken jungle world where the natives ate eachother.”

He smiled. “Well, I showed you the strangest ones I had found. Didn’t think you would be as intrested in a normal world. But now we can make the best of this world and try to blend in become part of the commen folk.”

She turned and looked up at the sky that was slowly turning blue. She shivered and looked down at her hands. She turned to Aldric.

“We lost our colors.” She said saddly. He blinked and held out his gray hands.

“By golly, so you’re right.” He said. She tugged a strand of her hair lose from its braid and stared at the white strand. He came beside her and patted her sholder. “We kept our lives. Besides I don’t recall anything about me swearing to protect your colors.” He said in a cheerful tone. She glowered at him and flung the strand of hair away.

“Very well then.” She watched the old man walk towards a copse of trees. “Where are you going? Do you see a road?” She asked.

“First order of buissness is to cut a new staff.” He put a hand to his bent back. “I’m old in case you forgot.” She followed him and her gaze caught her washed gray boots. She sat down and pulled them off. Her feet were pasty white. She sighed.

“At least they match the rest of me.” She muttered. “Hey Aldric! What if,” she hesitated. “What if other pathfinders came through?! What if a devourer makes it here? What if some of them heard the things my father said?! What if the same thing happens here?!”

“What sort of things did your father say?” Aldirc said. She stood and walked with her boots in one hand. She had half a mind to see if she could tan back into color.

“My kind of magic works by creating a devouring thing that collapses in on itself. Yet my father taught a way to make it reverse and to collapse out. He wanted to use it for war and claimed it would fade away after a time. Can’t someone here do the same thing?” She clentched her fist. “This time, if it happens I can stop it. I will stop it.”

“Or we will find a different world to go to.” Aldirc said without looking back.“Though, I think, this is one of my favorite worlds. It reminds me of home. It would be a shame to let it be devoured.”

A bummble bee ambled across her path and she paused to watch it pick a flower among dozens. Her expression eased.

“Whatever you say, I want my colors back.” She said. “I doubt we will blend in without them.” She said to Aldric’s back.

He waved her off. “We’ll manage.”

To be continued:

I am planing on turning this story into a Novella and publishing it in the book store. (For like a $1.00) Will update when I do.

Death, Doubt, Depression, Destruction, Denial, Disease, Deceit, Distractions, Darkness.

They wrapped their arms around me, tearing, pulling, stretching, ripping. I was fed to them like meat to vicious hounds. Constantly being torn apart for 18 years, and yet I could not realize. I would not realize.

Denial’s hands had twisted it’s fingers to cover my eyes, my ears, my very mouth. It blinded me, fed poison through my ears, and the arsenic flowed freely from my lips.

Doubt tore at my mind, consuming it into the open sore on an almost invisible visage.

Depression reached to my chest, grabbing at my very heart and opening it for all the world to see. It wanted pity, pity for my well-being as it slowly devoured my heart. What irony. I could not help, but pity depression itself for eating such a useless and unfavourable item.

And there it came. Self pity, pain, loneliness. Depression had done it’s job, taken it’s slow and tedious course, yet it did not change like the others. It still acted as a lost puppy, homeless, alone, pitiful. I began finding a desire within me to care for it, nurture it, give it a place to stay. I welcomed such a deceitful creature. This became my distraction.

All things were deceiving, for doubt and denial had allowed them to be. Doubt destroyed certain senses needed to understand cautiousness, especially around distractions and lies. I was in the dark, and it ruined my reasoning, played with my beliefs. Damaged my ability to seek for what I really desired, and needed in life.

Destruction was just around the corner, waiting to take a hold. It attacked me from the front, head on and without fear. It consumed me, became my very being right to the core, and I became it’s puppet. I was silently being led towards disease and death. Both were waiting for me, rubbing their many hands together in anticipation. They would not be quick in their craft. They had to toy with me first; break my spirit until I begged for endless silence.

But I was restless, and fought. There was this light that found me. A smile somewhere off in the distance. A breath of fresh air. Love. Friends, family in need. Someone was helping, and yet had no idea.

God was there, touched my very skin and doubt began to fall away. Hope entered, replacing the feeling of never will. There was still a chance. I could see again, realization swept over me, and darkness disappeared.

I had found my true path. Distractions flitted back from where they came, and I could not deny that destruction had found me. At that point I was able to turn my body away. I would not let disease overcome me, I could not give into death, just yet. I had time, and people to care about, a life to care about.

Running, back to depression, I was determined to gain my second chance. Instead I found a puddle, and there deep inside almost hidden from the naked eye, I sought out my heart. I fished, for it, dried it off, and viewed the damage done. There God was still beside me asking of me that ruined piece. I obeyed giving it willingly.

Holding it close to his heart, he healed it until there were only scars left, so I could remember, He said. Here and now I understand I could not forget this. God kept my heart stored in his cloak for safe-keeping. I knew he would cherish it as He always had, even when He did not have it.

Then He spoke to me with sweet words of wisdom “Even though evil spirits come and go, they never fully disappear. But now that I am here with you, and you have allowed me to be with you, there is nothing to fear. Have faith my child and stay close. Your time has come.”

Inside a box like pigeons,

there we think the God we are,

afraid from the difference.

Chasing society’s illusions

Through the broken clock

Other blind fools we fight.

All as part of an ignorant mass

Through our dark mirror

Only the others demons we can see.

In solitude lost we are

Other souls stalking

By the use of expired bodies.

Inside the poor mess of our thoughts

Painful being is

Although greater than us there is not.

In the smirking hand of Death

Where faith guided in circle we dance

Life just passes by

everyone is hot.

gender plays no role

roll the dice for me

I won't mind the results

hot skeleton beneath you

bones my teeth can bite

bite your bottom lip and

don't forget mine

you are a prisoner of the cells

that spiced up your own self

self love is hard

without a little validation

cell block tango

made me gayer than you'd think

think of me as the human

that thinks of you the same

rolled in the fire

my bones formed the dice

the results are in:

everyone is hot.

I miss you,

more and more,

as every worthless second

passes by

You knew me,

consoled me,

held me when no one else

would

I loved you,

more and more,

as every second gave birth to

new daydreams,

tingles,

euphoria

Daydreams that quickly ended,

eaten by your gnarly, sharp teeth,

those of a beast,

well hidden underneath

Underneath your false facade,

underneath the quick reprieve,

there you were, waiting, as I tried

to run,

hide,

scream,

Simply saying,

I miss you, too

@dream

Haha.

Why.

W h y.

Fucking.

Why.

No shit, I'm going to be mad at you, dumbass.

You had several options for what to do. Bringing him here was the worst option. And yet, here we are. You even knew it was going to happen. And yet...

W h y. . . ?

I sometimes wonder why I ever introduced you to him. I should have known better. But that doesn't give you an excuse to be stupid too, you know. Why is it that you respect him more than me? Why do you listen to him? Why do you let him control you? It's not like he was with me. He doesn't love you. He doesn't have to have any power over you. You never listened to me, even when we were dating.

Neither of you did.

Maybe that's what I'm supposed to get out of this. You should be glad I did this. Be glad I'm not able to tear you apart right now. For once, long distance friends comes in handy. How can you not see his bullshit? You've said he's an asshole. You've heard about what he's done. WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?

I have to go. ttyl when I'm not wanting to rip you to shreds.