Hormones rage through your mind.

You want him to notice you.

You want him to like you.

You want to throw yourself at his feet,

Beg him to notice you,

Beg him to want you,

Beg him to be your Romeo.

You want him so badly,

You are blind to facts:

You don't need a Romeo.

Romeo strips away layers,

And I'm not talking clothes, honey.

He'll take things from you:

Rationality, focus, time...

You bleed your soul into one,

"The one", or so you thought.

He scrambles your emotions,

Like the breakfast you long for,

Awaiting you after a night of ecstasy.

You won't even get a night.

There are going to be sleepless nights.

Believe me, they will hurt.

All those boys you thought were men,

All those people you hoped would be

The Clyde to your Bonnie,

Though you didn't realize

Clyde was toxic and killed Bonnie.

Romeo's love stabbed Juliet.

The heart thinks it knows,

But you never know.

Take those emotions,

Not the ecstatic hormonal emotions,

But the heartbreak and the sadness,

The emptiness and the loneliness,

And that God awful confusion,

And lock it in a box.

Keep the key on your sleeve

And put your heart away.

Use that heart for blood,

Otherwise, you'll be burnt out, love.

Take them for face value, sweetie.

They are talking dildos

Just as you are a walking vagina.

You don't need one right now.

You need those experiences

Without the lifelong scars

From holding a bad one for too long.

Keep them at arms length,

Hold the leash.

You control this dynamic.

I know your stubborn ass-

Don't make that face; it's true!

You will fall and latch onto them

As a puppy does a new owner.

You will trail their every move,

Aim to please them,

Try your damnedest to be

Everything they could ever dream.

I know you, love.

I've done it too many times.

Puppies nip at each other

Even when they are in love.

This means these relationships

Have Chernobyl's toxicity.

So, listen up, my little reflection.

You are going to get hurt.

You are going to be broken.

You are going to experience Hell.

Pieces of you will fall like dandruff.

Salvage them.

You are going to be a smashed up machine,

And the mechanic needs the pieces.

Don't let those people steal your parts

And pocket the money from your scraps.

Take them back and repair yourself.

Rebuild your armor.

Redraw your weapons.

Re-calibrate yourself before the world,

Even if your motherboard is in shards.

Because this, too, shall pass.

      Austin, 2014. An idea was born into the streets. Two men walking, teeth dry from the ways of liquor. One stares in front. Downtown festival. Talks to the city ahead, but to the one walking next to him.

     I have an idea for an app. 

    Small city, the grey heat. Overcast no match. No hope to burn off the film from the damage last night. Hotel lounge, hair of the dog. The city had grown, and they were strangers now, each waiting to leave there, one by plane, one by car and dog. Talks of Prose., the font. Talks of why it would work, a family the size of a world. Strangers yet not quite. Revolt against apathy. Earned things, lost in paces too fast to retain soul, to keep their light. Drinks and words, the lobby bar turned museum for the old death of the words eaten by technology. A way out through a way back in. 

     We are all here now. 

     Thank you for being here with us. 

     Thank you.  

Nobody's Home

But Below Stairs,

The echos ring

Like a Battlefield.

It's 1984

But War and Peace

Continue to clash.

America, America

Let's stop this conflict.

The Birds feast on our

Bloodshed

And Hell reigns.

You are a saint and I am the devil on your shoulder. Gold looks good on you and I've always been one to love fire. A Marine and a Missionary isn't the best combination.

I share the gospel for a living yet you are the one that's sanctioned.

Through terrain

Through words rumbling on the underside of my heels

Through wreckage

I can walk on tiptoes before you and promise a world where we will float

but if you see this to be worth nothing more than fatigue, turn back

I'm different than I was when I met you

I'm different than I'll be in a year

I'm straining my body to make this ground move

and if you can't see that all of this sand was once a boulder

than you'll never be able to see that I was once something else too

Follow me closer and closer to the sun

To the glowing piece of completion

so when we reach that which signifies life

and blooming flowers and glistening streams

and the heat crawls up our necks to our lips and warms these shoulders

we'll burn up happily, and never feel cold again

He touches my hand. There's no way he isn't mine. I fix his coat and kiss his forehead. He coos and continues to stroke my hand.  I look back at the paper. They call him James, but he'll never know that name. My wife comes out with the bags. "Are you ready to go, Chris?" she asks.

He coos again and reaches for her. She pulls him into her arms and kisses his chubby cheek. "I have the passports," I say, pulling them out of my pocket.

She smiles, and snuggles him into her arms. "You're going to love Canada."

I hate it.

I want to smash it

Tear its little heart out

And break its fragile

Little exoskeleton to bits

Just like you broke my heart

Without knowing it.

I know if you knew,

Things would change.

But Change needs Space

And neither are my friends.

I can live with this

Just like I can live with this

Minuscule little pain

That flutters around.

I know, all those miles away,

You think I'm happy

When I'm crying myself to sleep.

You think I'm okay

When my brain is splitting.

You're happy

Which is what matters.

Yet I wish I hadn't told you

I love you.