Not All Our Presidents Were Cowboys
One quote from each president while still in office, save one. Some were funny, some dumb as it gets, and others that may make you want to say. “Huh?”
I was tossed as to put this in the Comedy of Educational Portal since from this perspective it could be see as either or. The presidents are pretty much in no specifiv order. If I missed one or two, let me know but I think they are all here, right up to Biden.
Richard Nixon: ″I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.″
Theodore Roosevelt: “When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ’not guilty.”
Barack Obama: “I’ve been to all 57 states, and believe I have one more to go.”
George W. Bush: ″When I take action, I’m not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It’s going to be decisive.″
James Madison: “I always talk better lying down.”
Chester A. Arthur: “If it were not for the reporters, I would tell you the truth.”
Ronald Regan: “You know, it has been said that politics is the second oldest profession and I’ve come to realize over the last few years, it bears a great similarity to the first.”
George H.W. Bush: “For seven and a half years I’ve worked alongside President Reagan. We’ve had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We’ve had some sex...uh...setbacks.”
Harry S. Truman: ’My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.″
George Washington: “This is surprising. I thought Chinese people were white.”
Thomas Jefferson: “I say free all the black slaves and send them back to Africa or wherever.”
John Adams: “That Washington was not a scholar is certain. That he is too illiterate, unlearned, unread for his station was equally past dispute.”
Millard Fillmore: “That was a joke so I don’t understand why you aren’t laughing.”
Andrew Johnson: “Don’t stop him; let the assassin shoot!”
Woodrow Wilson: “Birth of a Nation was a great film and the guys with the white hoods looked real to me.”
Rutherford B. Hayes”: “Some of my closest friends call me Rutherfrraud.”
Warren G. Harding: “being president had its upside.. I can have sex anywhere I want and don’t have to pay for it.”
William Henry Harrison: “I shall die a happy man.” (He died 32 days after taking the oath of office, so no one really knows if he was happy about that.)
James K.. Polk: “I will not be a president on Sunday. We can do that tomorrow.”
John Tyler: “What Even Is a Joke, Is It Like a Territory That Might Want Slavery?”
Martin Van Buren; ’I will do whatever it take to keep Texas from being a state.”
John Quincy Adams: On skinny-dipping - “Whatever danger there may be in the exercise – and that there is much danger, this incident offers melancholy and cumulative proof – there would be yet greater danger in abstaining from it, or in substituting any other effective exercise in its place.”
Herbert Hoover: “I have no fears for the future of our country. It is bright with hope.” Not long after he said this, the Great Depression set in.
Jimmy Carter: “I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust in his heart has already committed adultery.”
Ulysses S. Grant: “My relatives will do a better job than I could at their posts. They don’t drink.”
Lyndon B. Johnson: ’I’ve had more women by accident than Kennedy ever had on purpose.”
Dwight David Eisenhower: On Richard Nixon contributions as his vice president: “If you give me a week, I might think of one. I don’t remember.”
Gerald Ford: “I know I will go to hell because I pardoned Richard Nixon.”
James Monroe: This anecdote regarding the humor of James Monroe appeared in the 1860s. It may be apocryphal, and/or just a bad pun.
A Scotch servant, employed about the executive mansion, who had a broad accent and a good fund of cold humor, had been charged, by certain persons who had projected a monument in honor of something or somebody, with a message to an appropriate official, who, it seems, was not the President. But old Sandy sought the Chief Magistrate, in whose personal service he was, and conveyed the communication to him. Mr. Monroe instructed him to address the message elsewhere, and thereupon Sandy, persisting like a Scotchman, said: ‘Your honor, it is about the monument.’
‘Well, Sandy,’ said Mr. Monroe, drawing himself up erect and symmetrical, ’don’t you see I am not the mon you ment.
John F. Kennedy: “Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.”
Zachary Taylor: I have always done my duty. I am ready to die. My only regret is for the friends I leave behind me.” He died shortly after from ingestion from ice-cream. It was later thought by researchers he was allergic to by-products of milk substances.
James Buchanan: This was said after his presidency--“I am now ‘solitary and alone,’ having no companion in the house with me. I have gone a wooing several gentlemen, but have not succeeded with any one of them.” He never married.
William McKinley: “Boys, don’t let them hurt him!” He said this as a crowd of people started beating on Leon Czolgosz, the man who shot him twice in the chest and McKinley later died.
William Taft: “I eat to live, and live to eat.” Supposedly, he was found dead, stuck in his bathtub
Calvin Coolidge: “I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.”
James Garfield: On July 2, 1881, James Garfield was shot by a deranged individual named Charles Guiteau. Evidently, Garfield possessed incredible willpower, and the president survived until September 19th before succumbing to blood poisoning. In great pain, Garfield asked his doctor, “Oh, Dr. Swaim, can’t you stop this?” Garfield died moments later.
Donald Trump: “Nobody has better respect for intelligence than Donald Trump.”
Joe Biden: During a 2008 campaign rally, Biden said: “Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: Jobs. J-O-B-S.”
Lost and Found
I thought I had lost you forever. It had been an agonizing two hours searching for you. So many thoughts rolled through my mind.
It’s amazing the stories the mind can conjure while under stressful circumstances. I knew in my heart that you were ok, because surely I would have known for certain if you weren’t. Yet, I still scolded God, then begged that I would find you.
I wondered if you had been attacked by a bear, or fallen off the mountain. I wondered if you had hurt yourself and been knocked unconscious. I wondered if you had been abducted by some unknown force or if you were looking for me too.
I vowed that I would never leave those mountains without you. That I would stop the world from turning until I found you. I’ve never been so scared in my life nor have I ever felt so small. As the forest seemed so much bigger without you there with me. It felt as though the trees were attempting to swallow me with each step that I took.
When I turned the corner and saw your face all I could do was cry. I knew in that moment that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. I latched on to you like sap to a tree and I didn’t want to let you go. Every ounce of love I have for you rushed to the surface of my body as though the energy itself needed to feel your embrace.
I’m not sure why that happened the way it did, but I felt like it was necessary for some reason beyond my comprehension. I keep trying to forget it, but the whole thing continues to play out inside my mind several times a day.
On This Day: June 19th … Strange Holidays
Juneteenth
National FreeBSD Day
National Garfield The Cat Day
National Watch Day
May Ray Day
National Hollerin’ Contest Day
National Kissing Day
World Jugglers Day
Several cool ones to look into so here I go.
Juneteenth
Juneteenth day celebrates and symbolizes the end of slavery in the United States. President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation on September 22, 1862. It was not until June 19, 1865, that all slaves were finally freed. That concluding event was when General Gordon Granger rode into Galveston, Texas with his troops and issued Order Number 3 which finally freed the last of the slaves.
The formal end of slavery was marked by the passing of the 13th amendment of the constitution. Passed by Congress on January 31, 1865, and ratified on December 6, 1865, the 13th amendment abolished slavery in the United States. The 13th amendment, which formally abolished slavery in the United States, passed the Senate on April 8, 1864, and the House on January 31, 1865. This became the first step of freed Black people to have civil rights in America.
And now, as of June 16, 2021, Juneteenth has become a federal holiday signed into law by President Joe Biden on no less, June 17th, making today the first federal Juneteeth holiday.
"We must learn to live together as brothers, or perish as fools."—M artin Luther King Jr.
National FreeBSD Day
The open-source operating system called FreeBSD developed out of the University of California at Berkley in 1993. Billions of people around the globe use FreeBSD to teach operating system concepts in universities. Companies also develop products on FreeBSD, and universities use it as a research platform.
While you may not be familiar with FreeBSD, there’s a good chance you’re already using at least some code derived from it in your everyday life. For example, do you stream movies via Netflix? How about chat with friends on WhatsApp? Maybe you play the latest PlayStation 4 game sensation. If so, you’re already using FreeBSD.
As a pioneer in open-source technology, users can modify and redesign FreeBSD to meet their needs, free of charge within the guidelines of the license. Through a network of users, the software keeps pace with today’s technology and prepares us for what’s ahead.
May Ray Day
If your name is Ray (or Rae) give everyone permission to call you—well … Ray. It is National May Ray Day.
The idea is everyone may call you Ray on this day instead of “Hey you!” Or maybe Rays sometimes get called “Sweetheart” or not so nice things. The holiday is all about getting out into the sunshine and saying, “You can call me Ray.”
There are many ways to enjoy the outdoors and the warmer days as summer approaches. Whether your place under the sun is at the park, a rooftop or your own back yard find a way to enjoy the nicer weather. If mother nature isn’t cooperating, there are several days in May remaining. National May Ray Day can be used to plan a day outside.
National Kissing Day
It's Kissing Day. The objective of this very special day, is to appreciate and enjoy a kiss. So, go ahead and swap some spit today. Pucker up and give out a big, juicy kiss to anyone and everyone.
Kissing originated thousands, and perhaps millions of years ago. It is believed to have originated from mouth to mouth feeding of parents to a child. My, it certainly has evolved over the centuries. But why is that? The answer is simply because it makes us feel good.
There's all sorts of kisses, for all sorts of reasons. There's the peck on the cheek, the full on the mouth kiss, and the French Kiss, the favorite among lovers.
People are not the only creatures to kiss. Apes, cats, dogs, and dolphins, are among the animals that share a kiss or two.
Did You Know? Okay, you may not want to know this juicy tidbit. Kissing can transmit 80 million of bacteria. That’s a lot of bacteria stored in one mouth but I want to know who counted the number and who left their mouth open for so long to get to 80 million??
The world record for the longest kiss goes to: Ekkachai and Laksana Tiranarathold from Thailand who hold this envious record at 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds. How would you like to beat that!?
Coming in July is International Kissing Day More reasons to pucker up.
World Jugglers Day
Jugglers unite!
Today celebrates the skill of juggling, and those talented people who can juggle many balls and objects at a time. Common objects include balls, clubs, swords, plates, rings, and flaming sticks. The best jugglers can juggle up to ten balls at a time.
Juggling is a skill and form of entertainment that has been around for thousands and thousands of years. Some of the earliest recorded history supplies proof that juggling was around during the early days of civilized Man. Juggling is primarily entertainment. It is most well documented in Medieval times in Europe. It remains popular today. It can be most frequently seen when the circus comes to town.
Some might suggest that office workers are juggles, as they multi- task and keep several "balls" (projects) going at the same time.
Celebrate Juggling Day by watching a juggler at work. Better still, get several balls and give juggling a try. 'Ya never know, you just might be a talented juggler!
"The noblest art is that of making others happy."—P.T. Barnum
More Strange Holidays Coming!
Book Three: Part 7 - Varied Evil - Chapter 7
Wednesday – April 4th – 8:37 p.m.
The Squad Room
“I want to take the time to thank all of you for doing an outstanding job out there. Clausen and Klugston, good job running down that Oldsmobile yesterday. Good, clean bust.” Baker looked at her notes. “Seven kilos in the trunk. Great job, you two.
“Prescott and Andrews. Though you two didn’t have the kind of day those two did, I want to commend you both for stopping a potential domestic situation before it happened. We have all seen how those types of situations can turn ugly, and it’s good to know you two quelled the smoke before a fire broke out.
“This is something Captain Page gave me earlier about Captain Todd and his wife. And it isn’t good news. They were both found dead a few days ago, apparently while doing some fishing. There were no fingerprints left at the scene, but they both had their throats ripped open, and their hearts torn from their bodies, but the hearts were never located. A wild animal was ruled out because there were no tracks of any type of predator. It is suspected the killer is male, and that the perp either took the hearts with him, or … ate them at the scene.”
Not a single man or woman in the room said a word. The silence spoke for them. Todd had had the respect of every officer in the Twenty-Second.
“Since this is out of our jurisdiction; the only thing we can offer to the boys out west is any assistance from here, that is, if we by chance run across anything that could tie to the killings.
“Other than that, if there are no questions,” she paused a couple seconds, and finished saying, “then get out there and be safe, and keep our streets safe.”
Baker’s cell rang. It was Stevie.
“What’s on your mind, bub? Are you, all right?”
“Hi, mom. I’m good. Just calling to let you know I won’t be home until after seven. I have a coaches meeting, then baseball practice so I can start learning how to call signal’s to batters and runners.”
“Okay. Just be ….”
“I will, mom. You know me. I’m always careful. Gotta run, class time. Love you! Bye!”
“Love you ….”
too. Dead air.
She looked at her phone, shook her head and smiled.
Walking into her office she thought, Stevie’s just not her own any longer. Everyone wants him.
The Baker-Manning Home – 6:12 p.m.
111 Homestead Lane
Baker had been home twenty minutes after a rather ho-hum kind of day. She enjoyed days like today. No stress, no murder scenes, no nothing. Montie could use a few thousand days like that.
The microwave beeped, signaling the popcorn finished popping. She grabbed the melted butter in her squeeze container mixed with salt and squeezed a healthy amount all over the popcorn so that it would slide down over the rest and coat every hot morsel. Picking up two glasses and a two-liter bottle of Pepsi, she casually walked into the living room where Ed sat on the sofa watching Channel 08 news.
“Finally, around the state, a series of robberies have been taking place. To date; fourteen towns outside of New York City have been robbed at gunpoint. Another thirty-nine establishments have been broken into. Most of those have been in smaller towns where police are at a minimum, and where crime generally is at a low to zero statistic, as one officer stated in Randall Township; population: 797.”
“Interesting reporting of our Around the State Today, Jennifer. What will you have for us tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow, how an out-of-state veteran took a dream and ran with it across the state, and made his dream come true.”
Ed changed the channel and then pressed play on the remote of the DVD player.
“You might want to do yourself a favor when you go to work tomorrow.”
“Oh, and what would that be?”
“Call Channel 08 and ask for that Jennifer Railstone girl. See if you can get her to fax you over a layout of where all those robberies are being done. From what I could see, they seem to be spreading out like a quarter-moon, and it almost appears that whoever is doing this, might eventually be in our neighborhood. Just saying.”
“Okay, I’ll do that, Sherlock. So,” as she snuggled closer to him, “what movie are we watching tonight?”
“Thought we’d do a double-feature, a couple of cartoons, and a movie serial for a change. I’m in a nostalgic mood tonight.”
She reached her head closer to his cheek and kissed him.
“Then I’m nostalgic with you. What have we got?”
“We’ll start with some Woody Woodpecker, then a couple chapters of Flash Gordon, with Buster Crabbe. He won a gold medal in the Summer Olympics back in the thirties for the hundred-yard meter. He even did a Tarzan movie, but he was never as good as Johnny Weissmiller.
“Anyway, after that we have Key Largo, and the African Queen. Two classics.”
“Now I know why I married you. You are into my head when it comes to movies. You’re my very own Bogie.” She kissed him again, but this time on his lips.
“Watch it, Bacall. Keep that up and we’ll never see how the movie starts, yet alone end.”
“Oh yes we will. Stevie will be home in about thirty minutes. Not enough time.” She winked at him.
The sound of that insidious laugh almost every human being over forty should be able to remember, who would finally say:” Guess who!” He started pounding his beak into a tree creating cartoon havoc.
From there until Stevie came home, they sat through two more cartons, and one chapter of Flash Gordon before Stevie joined them for Key Largo.
In between film changes, there was general small talk about baseball practice, and how he would have to learn the play calling better, but Stevie felt that that wouldn’t take much longer.
Twenty minutes into the African Queen, Stevie fell asleep in Baker’s lap.
She didn’t mind. She ran a free hand gently through his hair and smiled as she sat between those she loved most.
Right now, life was as good as it gets.
She had two Bogie’s in her life.
Madison Motor Inn – 8:31 p.m.
55 Miles East Of Brighton
DeWayne Andreason, Marcus Thomas, and Jasmine Kinteaya, were in Room 112, counting up what they had taken today after robbing five stores in a small town called, Miller Creek, about eighteen miles from the motel. All total: $1,883.37.
“Ain’t bad, considerin’,” said Thomas.
“Truth. Two days ago, we barely got two-hundred, but we ain’t gone dry yet. This what? The tenth day? Jasmine? You been keepin’ track, right?”
“Course I have, DeWayne! This is day fourteen, and this makes the total just over thirty grand. Bustin’ two stores on the same street at the same time was a trip. But I’m always trippin’ when you guys go and do like three in a row!”
DeWayne looked at both of them.
“I think we need to take a break for a day or two. Just hole up here and relax. By not doin’ nuthin’ for a while, it’ll throw the cops off any trail we might have left behind. I’ll dump the car later tonight, and when we’re ready to roll again, I’ll get us another one.”
“You hear that skinny bitch on TV, tonight? She sayin’ nobody, and I mean nobody got any idea where we are, or who we are. That mu brother, is bitchin’.”
“That’s why I think we need to lay down for a few, Marcus. Gives us time to recharge, get fresh and don’t mess up non, and it’ll give Jasmine time to map out other small towns for us to hit.”
Opening her laptop, Jasmine homed in on a wireless signal, and started a Google search.
“I’m already on it, baby.”
DeWayne laid back on the bed and relaxed. If his plan continued as it has so far, by the end of the year, the three of them should pill in a quarter-million, easy. It’s a lot of drive-time, a lot of risk-taking, but they have gotten away clean every time. No physical descriptions, no fingerprints found on any of the cars they stole and abandoned. The sweet part was by the time they found one they did steal, they were doing another hit in another stolen car. But, the even better part were the conflicting reports of it being one person doing the robberies. Then it came out there were two, possibly three. Confusion is a great friend to have.
Three sixteen-year old kids out having fun. Beats school all to hell. Beat robbing banks, too. Bank robbers always get caught because of cameras. They get caught because of the speed in which police show up. With DeWayne’s plan; being caught would never happen.
The gig was just too easy.
If they did have problems; each one carried a Glock, and each one also had a Mac-10, and they knew how to use them.
All three met each other in the Queens-City Foster Home Care Center. It’s a place where kids who lost their parents at a young age were placed if no other relative were able to provide for them (or wanted to); or children who were unwanted, such as Peter Jones (Jones was a common name in foster care programs when no records could be found for the person. Sometimes, Smith would be used). He was found in a garbage dumpster at age one.
Peter lived at Queen’s Care until he left, by state law, on his own at age eighteen. He was given five-hundred dollars by the state, and without a word, good luck, or even a goodbye; out the door he went.
Three days later, he was found face down in an alley with a bullet in his head. The police listed him as homeless and as a John Doe. He had no identification.
Such are the ways of the city.
DeWayne had a plan, and with Marcus and Jasmine, they would stay face up, and cash money in their pockets. He would be damned if he would end up a John Doe.
One night at Queen’s Center, DeWayne talked with Marcus and Jasmine.
“Look, we all know this place ain’t got shit for us. Long as the state pays the bills, we get a roof over our heads and a couple squares in our bellies every day. But this place ain’t helpin’ us find a home. These people here could give a fuck less what happens to us. Don’t know about you, but me? School ain’t shit. We don’t make no money stayin’ here, so I has this plan.
“I’m really good hot-wiring cars. Did a few with some friends before my old man when and got himself killed when I was nine or ten. But, I get us a car, we hit a store a few blocks from here, grab some iron, some cash, and we hit the road.
“Then we start hittin’ small mom and pop joints in small towns. We could hit two or three joints a day. Every couple day’s we switch out cars, hit another town. Cops won’t know it’s us, ‘cause we keep movin’. Besides, this place won’t give a flyin’ fuck about us. They’d might list us as runaways but that would be all they’d do. We’d be the last thing the cops be lookin’ for when it comes to what I have in mind.”
“We’re gonna need a laptop, too,” said Jasmine. “That way, I can keep track of where we go, where we’re headed, who we do, how much we get, and, stay on top of anything in the news about us, if it’s listed.”
“Computer? Where’d you learn that stuff?” asked Marcus.
“In school, fool. Where else.”
DeWayne laughed at Marcus and punched him in the arm.
“She got your ass! Now look; when we get the guns, we’ll get you a whatever it was you said.”
And their adventures began.
DeWayne stared up at the ceiling of the room they were in. He could hear the TV, and the mumbling voices of Marcus and Jasmine.
This was play time. When they went to work, it was just that—work. If it meant they had to dust a fool trying to play hero (which hadn’t happened), it wasn’t any sweat off his ass. DeWayne, and his two friends had a goal, and nobody was going to stop them.
Nobody.
Independence Day
One day, I will be independent. I will wake up in my own home, that I paid for and furnished myself. The day will come when I come home and take off my shoes and lock my door, throwing the keys onto the kitchen counter. I will cook a meal with the groceries I bought last week, the lettuce a little brown on the ends. I will eat the meal by myself, or with a friend, or with a boyfriend. I will go to sleep in my own sheets on my own mattress and dream my own dreams. One day, I will be independent. That day is not today. I am bound by chains and blood and debt today. I am enslaved by favors and mothers and a paycheck. I am not on my own yet, but one day, I will be independent.
“Freedom from Fear”
American President (1941) - FDR and the Four Freedoms
https://www.fdrlibrary.org/four-freedoms
-----
“For(e)fathers” part 4 of 4
4. Freedom from Fear
“Fourth is world-wide re
duction of armaments to
such a point and in
such a thorough fashion that
no[one] anywhere
will be in a position
to commit an act
of aggression against a
[nation or] neighbor.” -->
Why war when we know
it only leads to wanting
to turn the clock back?
We wished we would've
fixed the fight with words instead
of blowing stuff up.
What will guns do when
the might of climate change claims
the new horizons?
Ash to cash and dust
wrought shame unto our souls and
smithed our names in woe.
To such a time when
History justly reaches
so to beguile them:
Spare breath for more breath
for your lungs do the walking
as they did at dawn.
* * * * *
/ n o t a r e
#haiku #prose #poetry
Response 4 of 4 to linked Writing Challenge:
https://theprose.com/challenge/12315
-----
@DANdeLION_Page
Away
Supine in the silence here
Darkness captures me
Beats from a thousand hearts
They whisper so gently
I softly close my eyes
Take a breath so light
Your essence steals into me
On these darkest of nights.
I believe,
I believe though it’s unseen
I believe,
I believe in the in-between.
You find me forgotten
You gather me from the heap
Of tangled webs and lies
Holding close to balance me.
For you, my soul will keep.
I believe,
I believe though it’s unseen
I believe,
I believe in the in-between.
I stumble in the darkness
Fear turning me away
You hold me closer, love
And gently lead the way.
Sticks and stones
They break the bones
But faith will be the glue
Promises of a pain free world
If I only follow you
I believe,
I believe though it’s unseen
I believe,
I believe in the in-between.
We come to the finish line
Where the earth greets the sky
You spread your arms, so wide
And tell me you can fly
Darkness flows into light
I grab hold of your wings
Beautiful white feathered flight
We leave behind the night
I believe,
I believe though it’s unseen
I believe,
I believe in the in-between.
You turn around to face me
Telling me it’s time
I close my eyes and take a breath
Released from a broken mind
Together we step into light
Pain dissipates, I am free
The world sighs, and so do I.
Freedom, mine to keep.
I believe,
I believe though it’s unseen
I believe,
I believe in the in between.
I believe.
I believe in the in between.
Take Me
Take me to the water where
The storm can meet my soul
Take me to the valley where
You’ll beg me not to go
Take me to the mountain where
The sun can wash my face
Take me to the river where
You’ll let me walk away
Take me
Oh take me away
Let me
Oh let me stay
Take me to the valley where
You’ll beg me not to go
Take me to the mountain where
The sun can wash my face
Take me to the river where
You’ll let me walk away
Take me
Oh take me away
Let me
Oh let me stay
Let me stay.
