To you, my love

On this, our wedding night, I am recalled. My dear, my wife, my love of my life. I will always remember the first time that I saw you, and how overcome I truly was with desire to hold this hand. How overcome I was with your beauty and poise and soul.

And I longed for this moment, this feeling, this promise to you. Protection and support, to shield you from pain. From the second I beheld you, I knew it was you.

To see my potential, as a man, as a lover, and a member of this world, all I needed was you. This hand. I knew you would complete me and lead me down the path of self actualization and belief in the good of people. As I now give my all to this life that you allowed me to see.

As I watch you sleep, as I have before, my heart is overjoyed and proud. So peaceful, so trusting, so serene. I knew the moonlight could never shine so beautiful on another item in this world, as it does on you. So pure and refined and majestic.

I hold your hand, and as I do, I am reminded of our first embrace, how nervous I was, how our hearts raced, our first grasp and tense, our hearts were in sync and racing and the blood was hot and fast and pure. Then all at once, the swell was released and we both fell limp into each other, as true lovers do. Your silent tears of joy, my silent fears fluttered away. Complete trust and embrace. I never knew how that was supposed to feel, other than how right it did. And nothing will ever compare.

And when I slid that ring on you finger, the one I hold in mine, I was so overcome that hot tears became my love as they fell for you over and over and again. I knew the deed was done, and we were each others, I yours and you, mine, forever. All that I’ve ever wanted.

And to think of the guys that could have had you, and how you’re with me. I don’t know how I got so lucky. But, you called to me, and I answered on my steed in my armor, and ready to save you from the tower guarded by that dragon. I am a knight, and you my damsel.

Now, in this hand, I place this note. So that forever knows how true my love is. On this the anniversary of our meeting, exactly one week ago. I will keep you safe.  

And no matter how much dirt cascades over your tomb, you will always have this note to be a reminder of my love for you. Killing you was my noble sacrifice. This is how I will keep you safe. This is how I will give you life. My sweetest love, my Porcelain Wife.

#love

#prose

Three blinks left.

I don't feel like I need to breathe anymore. It's funny, my whole life I felt like if I didn't get my next breath, I'd go insane. It was never a matter of being afraid that I'd die, but that panic overcame me. I now realize that I used to have nightmares of drowning, or suffocating, and the lack of breathing was the main thing that scared me. What a silly thing to be scared of. I think that I used to have dreams where I was able to live without breathing, or something, and strangely I was free. More free in those fleeting dreams than in any moment of my... what was the word?

Two blinks left. 

I try to laugh. I cant. I don't need to breathe to laugh. Do I? 

Why would I laugh? I'm d... pain. I feel pain. I think that's pain. No, what's the word, mirth? No, this is a giggle. But I don't breathe, I don't need to, so why laugh? Is laugh the right word? Nothing seems funny to me. I remember that I used to be happy and want to laugh at things. But never out loud, why never out loud? 

I never enjoyed life properly. I spent all of it fearing pain and repressing my real happiness. Live, laugh, lo- what's the last word?

I'm going to do it. I don't need breath to do it. I'll just force it. OK, laughter! 

Copper?

One blink left.

Blinking, I remember having staring contests with my friends. I never realized how much blinking I did. I'm suddenly very aware of my eyes. But I'm not really seeing anything. If I'm not seeing, why blink? I took it for granted, I took so much for granted. My family, my friends... love. That was the word, live, laugh and love. Oh my, I remember love. I love love! I never let myself love anyone... or let anyone love me. Why not? Why didn't I love? I had love and I ignored it. I feel like I'm losing my breath. I can't breathe! Wait... I'm dying, I'm dying here on this dark road. For my wallet, my stupid wallet, that guy took my... That's why I can't breathe. Copper. I taste copper. What's going on? I'm not breathing, I'm not doing anything. I'm dying. I never lived. I never loved. Please, can't I just go back? Please... my eye lids are getting heav... why blink? It's so co-cold. Let...me... love... someone... oh... it's you. I remember you... am I home?

Smoke thirsts to billow 

A fire that longs to burn

Will find any spark it can

It will consume all it sees

No preparation

No defenses

Nothing can stop a fire that wants to burn

I will try all I can

To save you from the licking 

The irresistible anguish

Until the pain is deadened

Until the fire consumes me

Until I am it's path

Not merely in its path 

I am not a machine

Though I wish I could become

The hollow organs in my chest

The could be beaten like a drum

Emotion now controls me

Plague-swept and jagged

My once smooth metallic sheen

Now blotchy and haggard

i chuckle at

bruised red skin

i love the sight of you

trembling in fear but wanting more

like dainty grapes

i'll pluck your innocence away

until all of you is mine

i thrust my gray

into your color

once more

and the world shakes

in an explosion of agonizing pleasure

for me, you are always

wetter than your tears

you can't refuse me, can you

even as i inflict this pain upon you

you dare to say 

you love a monster like me

but that's fine

since

punishment is all a part of the fun

no need for questions

just for control

of you

i'll monopolize you

this is perfect

it's all a game

it's name is pain

and i'm winning

Simple

My mind is fractured

With my desire to write

And the inhibitors

That give me life

When I am free and clear

My words come flowing 

But all else is chaotic

When I'm swallowed in functionality

My words dam up

And nothings hypnotic

You deleted me

The person I was and used to be

Now I look back

There's no evidence to support

Claim or deny

That anything everever existed

BUT in my mind

It begs the question what 

What proves that you and I ever existed

It doesn't matter

Because you are deleted too

And I've moved on to 

A better light than could have ever been you

Hello, my name is Matt, and I pressed the button that killed my brother. 

Alright, so it didn't outright kill him. But it did destroy every ounce of his humanity and it did literally kill the body of the man I once knew. 

We have the ability to transport the men of war from one place to another, for instance the deck of a battle cruiser in space to the ground on a planet light years away. 

I wont tell you the details of how it works, quantum computers are impossible to explain sometimes. Needless to say, it works. 

But what they don't know, is that it isn't teleportation. 

It is called "transcription" and what it does is, destroy you here, after reading your entire anatomic and DNA profile, and it recreates you there. So yes, it kills you. But no, you aren't dead. 

Do you see the gray area?

So, you have to be wondering why I'm saying this. Well, it's because if I fail in the mission I'm about to take, the truth dies with me. And it can't. Someone, somewhere needs to know what happened. 

So, I pressed the button. 

You see, when Operation Skyfall hit my home planet, and killed all 8 billion inhabitants, I was off planet, on a job that I had received the night before the attack. I thought I was lucky at first, but soon it sunk in that I had lost everyone and everything I ever cared for. 

Including my twin brother. 

Don't get ahead of the story, that isn't actually where he died. I was just told so by Commander Olivia Miranda. Though, to be fair, she didn't know he was alive either. 

He bought a ticket home from the planet he was visiting, and the ship he was on arrived in time to be blown out of the sky by the enemy. His ticket was scanned, I accepted his fate. As part of my acceptance, I was conscripted into the service of the United Earth Command, a part of the United Space Command, as a Tech officer in charge of transcription. I was the smartest and most qualified computer engineer that had been drafted in the history of ever. 

It's my story, I can embellish. 

Anyway, for weeks, I was sending men down to their deaths, thinking that they were dying from the battles across the surface of the 22 planets that were infested. 

I was wrong. 

The truth was, they were dead the moment I pressed the button that sent them. 

There was a strange phenomenon that hit the men, everyone who was teleported was affected. They were...hollow. 

No emotional response, like they were zombies. 

They weren't ACUTALLY zombies, mind you. Just no personality. 

So I did some digging, into the code. 

One day, I was about to crack the code and see the truth of the horror of what I had been forced to do. 

AND that was when Commander Miranda dropped the bomb on me that all of this was known to the Uppers and that she had known all along. From the moment she recruited me. 

So, my brother. He had been stranded on the planet he was visiting because his ticket home was stolen. He saw the news, assumed we all died, and was scooped up by a recruiter. They eat the victims of stuff like this alive. 

Few weeks later, after basic training, he was in my hangar the day I learned the truth. 

BUT I didn't know.

So, Commander Miranda tells me the truth, and then orders me to press the button. 

So there I stand, I now know that I've killed thousands of men, and I had no idea. And she was about to make me kill five hundred more. 

The weight of that action will always haunt me. The moment I pressed that button, part of me died. 

I killed my brother and I never knew it. They made me do it, and I never knew it. 

Soon after, I saw the post transcription report, saw my brother's name and was confused, I did some digging and found that he was alive. 

Well, had been alive.

The weight hit me harder than anything has ever hit anything ever. 

And I knew I had to do something. 

So here I am. Doing something. 

If all goes well, the Upper regime wil fall. And the truth will be known, and this wont matter. Or maybe I'll publish it and get rich. Who knows. 

But, to those who read this, know this:

I will burn this system to the ground. I will obliterate you like I did my brother. 

Because, see, since I killed my own brother, you made me a killer. So I will use what I learned to show you what infinity looks like. Here I come.