Sometimes I feel like I’m floating away

I’m going to disappear

But then you come

And you anchor me

Telling me you need me here

To keep you from disappearing

So we tether each other

Holding each other

So that we don’t slip away

It’s “different,” again...

Have you ever loved someone so much, every other thought was of them?

But then you wake up one day, and they’re gone. You’re filled with that breathless sinking feeling, like someone’s thrown you into the ocean with an anchor tied around your ankle.

That feeling, over and over again, because he draws it out, promising to stay. That it’s different this time. Every time.

In the end, he leaves. Because I changed, he claims. I don’t tell anyone because then it would be real, and in my head he’s still the same guy, laughing next to me.

It’s been half a year, and I’m thinking I’m over it. Then there’s a casual text... and suddenly it’s all there again, and we’re both wanting more, more, more.

It’s like falling in love again, but with a person in shadow holding your hand to stop you trusting so easily. But yet, I yank my hand away after only a few more conversations, because it’s only him.

Then we have a argument-nothing really. But it reminds me. And suddenly he “can’t be at the phone” right now. Or “he’s been so busy.”

I know I still love him. And I also know, well, I’m almost sure, he won’t leave me again. But I don’t know what I want anymore. Maybe we’re just headed separate ways. I can’t help but wonder if I’m torturing myself, drawing this out.

It’s so easy to see clearly when you’re on the outside. But you weren’t there for the memories, the shared secrets, or the arguing just for the sake of it.

Please, please tell me...

What would it take for us to love each other again?

Sometimes the most broken are the most willing to help you.

Sometimes the most happy are the ones who cry themselves to sleep.

Sometimes the most outgoing feel the loneliest.

Sometimes the ones who are fearless are afraid to talk about their feelings.

Sometimes the ones who help are the ones who are scarred themselves.

Sometimes we lie because we are afraid of a result of the truth.

Sometimes we smile the most when we are hiding a broken life.

It's so hard to believe anyone could ever love me

Love my weirdness

Love my face

There's 7 billion on this planet they say

Someone is bound to like you

Right?

They say there's someone you're destined to be with

But wouldn't that also mean

That maybe there's no one you're destined to be with?

I don't know anymore

And I know only time will tell

And I'm young

But with youth comes desire and impatience and curiosity

And more questions than answers

And I'm drowning in questions

I

Have

No

Idea

That

How much

Time will

It take me

To get used

To this new update

B

E

C

A

U

S

E

I am throughly confused to be very honest.

Alone by choice

Dreading every feeling

Grief

How I just knowingly lied

Miserably never optimistic

Pathetic

Quietly restless

Stuck to using vices

Why?

Xanax yearning zombie

I rub against the pain.

Touch it.

Feel it's texture.

Take it in my mouth,

and savor the taste.

It brings no pleasure,

but I relish in it.

Amazed by its

consistent ability

to mold my spirit.

It made me,

and I will never know

what life was before it.