I was used to this loneliness

Until you came in my life

I was happy everyday with you

So why did you leave me?

I'm feeling the loneliness

Invading my life once again

I'm huddled in a dark corner

Praying for you to come back

Why did you cheat on me?

I loved you and still do

I want to hate you but I just can't

I thought you loved me

The gaping hole in my heart

Keeps growing larger and larger

My heart aches for you

The aching there gnaws at me

The happy memories that we have together

Is what gives me hope

To live

Even though you left

I wish the best for you

With tears streaming down my face

As long as you are happy

I will be fine

Maybe one day

I can throw away this love

And love another

But for now

This love, I will keep

I need her

Without her I can't live

The pain in my heart

Was ten times as painful

As a twisting knife in my heart

I would die for her

I would take all her pain

Her sadness

And only let her know happiness

Why didn't she know that?

I staggered around

I couldn't stand it anymore

I texted her two words

Good

Bye

And then I took the largest knife I had

And slit my wrists

Watching the dark blood trailing toward the door

My last words were

"I can't live without you"

I worked my whole life

To get close to a belief that I had never questioned

I never had the courage to ask questions

So I just let pastors put labels on my heart

And I had priests tell me that I was forgiven for sins I never really felt bad about committing.

I tried

I tried

I tried

No matter how much I tried

No matter how much I pleaded

No matter how much a bled

I could never force myself to feel safe.

"Are you saved?" they ask.

No. I always thought no,

But I always said yes.

"Yes, I am saved. The devil can't get me"

But the devil already had me.

Darkness and sulfur ran through my veins.

I was beyond salvation the moment I sat down and had a drunken conversation with an old man who claimed to be satan.

I had seen satan, and this old man wasn't him. But the conversation was riveting.

We spoke of the levels of pain

And how the church is oblivious to the hell people are living in on a regular basis.

They are so busy trying to keep people out of this hell that their good book speaks of

That they don't concern themselves with the hell that reeks havoc in people's hearts and minds.

I tried

I tried

I tried

But I have failed.

I have walked away.

I cannot force myself to fall in love

With hypocrites who will only love me if I sit like a lady under the steeple every Sunday morning.

I cannot get close to a belief or a savior

That I'm not sure exists.

I have been to hell.

I have been to heaven.

And I can guarantee you that you won't find either place by sitting in a chapel or confessing in a confessional.

The universe is vast.

It is full of light and dark

Love and hate

Offense and forgiveness.

Everything we need is already blooming in the garden of our lives.

There is no need to try to fit into a mold you know you aren't meant for

No need to feel like you need saving

When you have two arms and a million stars ready to wrap around you at any moment.

I tried.

I failed.

But dammit, I lived.

-AshleyAnne

She kneels down to her knees

And leans over the bowl

And spills forth her sins

From her stomach and soul

As she stares

Into the porcelain bowl of regrets

The cost of this cleansing

She never forgets

But she ate too much

And she ate so little

She wanted too much

What she wanted was little

She hated herself

And the hated this spot

She wanted thin to begin

But instead her heart stopped

Skin and bones, she lay there

On the bathroom floor

As slowly creaked open

The bathroom door

Crying in bed at night

Smiling to cover up the hurt

I trusted you

But you still stabbed me in the heart

I was hurt

I decided to trust for once

I have now decided

I will not trust anymore

I have sealed my heart in a under layers of ice

The ice will not thaw anytime soon

Just like I will not trust anyone

Or fall for anyone

One day

The ice that you created will thaw

I will once again get on my feet

And become the person that I was before I met you

I will make sure

The person I fall for

Will love me too

And that he will never betray me

Like you did

Women are two kinds.

Vagina women and boob women.

I always found myself a vagina one. I never thought of nipple clamps or nipple vibrators, but vibrator vibrators...oh yeah.

I tried naming my clitoris and my vulvar lips, but never thought of giving a name to my nipples.

Breasts are...kinda boring really.

They're very "out there" and you get pretty self-conscious about them most of the time.

Are your nipples perky enough? Are my breasts saggy? Should I or should I not wear a bra? What about my bra size? Is it the right one? What if I really don't like wearing bras?

Too many questions, hopelessly no answers.

So why should I talk about the boobies?

Well, it's because I feel pretty discriminatory toward my two Bs. I know they're not that pretty. There are standards for boobies -unlike vaginas, thank Heavens- in which I would totally be a C or C-.

There have always been significant breasts and insignificant ones. There have also been pretty impressive breasts and ordinary ones. They say you get more attraction from the opposite sex if you are wearing the right bra size. What's my bra size? I absolutely have no fucking idea. There are those push up bras and strapless bras. There are more than a million bra types. Of which I have barely worn one or two types. I have about three bras, I kinda use them when my clothes are not too revealing -cuz walking with naturally-perked nipples in the streets of the Arab (and Muslim) world would make for one helluva harassment session- or when my appearance needs a confidence boost. Well, in the last case, I guess only one of the three bras counts. The other two are good for nothin'. They're just breast caretakers or boobie containers. They nest my breasts until they get back to the safety of my home where I can go bra-free for life.

So what should I call my boobs?

Well, I was thinking more on the line of "Sleepy" or "Bashful". Unlike my big V, who is a pretty daring girl, my Bs are pretty shy and somewhat clumsy. I think they're also pretty tame and unadventurous compared to Miss V, so if I get to name them, wolf angels would be the best title to pack them both and ship them to the world of nomenclature.

Why wolf angels?

They're wolves cuz they're not exactly the femininest of feminines, if you know what I mean. They're also pretty irritable and they don't get along well with perfume or fabric. Sensitivity is their middle name so they're always prone to rash and urticaria.

On the other hand, if we pick the religious categorization of demons, angels and humans, boobs would be the angel-iest part of me. Vagina would be the demon (buahahaha) and brain would be the human, always in between.

Oh, my soul is an alien, it refuses such lame and narrow differentiation of humankind. There's no such thing as angels, demons, gods, droids, dwarves or popsicles. There's such space and a big, fat vacuum. My soul is that big fat vacuum.

Anyway, I'd like to thank my awkward, weird boobies for putting up with all the bumps and bruises, the cheap deodorants and the sticky summer heat. I'd like to tell them how much I love them for being normal as opposed to other areas of my body, and being really chill about it. I'd also like to tell 'em that a)No, I would never get a breast implant ever in my miserable life. b) I might not get married so I might never put them to good use a.k.a breastfeeding. c)Yes, I might try and buy a fourth bra, just to spice things up a bit.

d)Nipple vibrators? Hmmm, sounds interesting.

There's a catastrophe in the solar system

Venus has gone bonkers

She flashed Jupiter a wee bit of her V-shaped crotch

Jupiter's ass is not as broad as she thought it would be

Oops they did it one more time, down in the shadows

She basked in the light of the lightless

She spoke to the mute, allowed rhinestones to collapse in tears

Venus and the Nile Delta, if only she knew how to swim

Or how to graze her vulva with eucalyptus tears

Cinnamon, thyme and coriander vignettes

Catastrophe all over the hairy parts of hairless women

Women, planets, same old, same old

Only the sun gets to pick the winner

and crown the loser

With a casserole soaked in tears

Hello, this is an Arab/Egyptian/Middle Eastern/Muslim/Coptic Cunt speaking.

Hey there, how are you doing?

Oh yes I am speaking to you dear penises. Hope you're doing great.

All set, okay, so am I bitches.

Oh wait, I forgot. The bitch is on me, I mean, hello...there's a talking pussy over there!

Hahaha.

Oh, shut up.

Just shut up you little anal impaler. Shut your ejaculation nonsense and listen up.

I am sick of you discussing me.

As it turns out most books that were written about "vaginas" were also written by "vaginas".

Holy moly, does that offend you?

Okay I am offended. I am offended that you would give 2 fucking hours from your fucking precious time to discuss me when I was all ears for you to discuss you!

C'mon, you're the big boy. The dick, the penis, the baby maker, the boomerang, the cock.

Why can't I find you discussing your daily habits? Why can't I sniff around to discover your diaries or your monologues?

Be honest, yes...yes, you can lean on me, pal.

Are you shy?

I can see you blushing.

So you're shy!

Oh you're shy...you're shy...awww *hugs*

Drop the act *shoves aside*

How can you be so shy about discussing yourself, yet too open when it comes to discussing me?

I mean, I am just tired of you writing about the religious interpretations of my skinfolds and bacterial habitat and all that mumbo jumbo that you've been learning from your sexually-ignorant partners whom I assume were all vaginas.

Haven't you ever fallen for a dick?

Please. I can see it. You are so against dicks. You're 100% into flat areas. You like a little tinky winky and sensitivity. Maybe you're afraid of heights or megalophobic.

(About the latter? Why are you so megalophobic yet extremely racist when it comes to megalophobic cunts? C'mon! Treat others the way you want them to treat you!)

So you wanna know about megalophobic cunts?

Oh they're plenty. In fact they sometimes look like you, mister eel. And yet you have the nerve to discriminate against them. Oh and in the morning you just give me that Julia Roberts smile and publish your interpretation of the vagina schmagina. Ugh. Prude, rude, crude. Honey, I am tired of listening to your lame jokes on cunts. I am sick of your wise impersonation of religious men and their mockery which could've been great on its own if I wasn't involved!

Really, why does every opportunity to satirize religions have to include me? It's like those lame homophobic jokes which are masked as innocent "hehehe" moments of pure sarcasm. Oh and just like sexist jokes, when I don't get them I'm downright glum and "I don't get your sense of humor" and I am also "kobba"

Hmmm

kobba, koss, kotta

I can see Arabic slang has feminizes words starting with the Arabic equivalent to the letter "k" called kaf and written ك. I wonder why?

Now that calls for a study. Not my cunt. Stay out of it, will you? It's too crowded already. What with the fluids and the lining and the poor useful bacteria. Leave 'em alone *sniff*

Maybe I'll try to challenge you into writing more on this topic. If you're intentions are clear and really un-sexist, write an essay or make a vlog about one of the following topics:

1) Megalophobic penises and how this racism affects clitoromegalic vaginas

2) Islam and the Penis (since I've seen about a dozen male vloggers discussing how Islam degrades the vagina, please shift the attention on how it glorifies the Mushroom head, will ya?)

3) Ejaculation (I know female juices sell better but please...let's focus on the male ones for at least a teeny tiny bit)

4) Castration (I've also seen too many menstruation jokes that I threw up in my mouth, literally so send me the castration loving, will ya?) this is also good in shifting the attention from the FGM to the Male Circumcision which is an important topic in how it is commonly accepted and loved, as opposed to the female counterpart.

That's all for now, folks

Sincerely,

One angry cunt