(afraid to grow up) i hate how everything’s changed

i’m in love with a girl

and yet i’m kissing boys who don’t love me at all

i like to pretend she’s still mine

occasionally

maybe she thinks of me

yet she doesn't exist anywhere but in my own head.

and i don’t say anything to the boy

who kisses me as if he can’t breathe

gasping-as my hands meet his.

i’d love him

if i could forget her

it’s ruining me

If god only knew what we're doing

Heaven would be hotter than hell

His trigger finger wouldn't linger, and he'd shoot us from his carousel

If god only preached what he practised

We'd be quite safe in his church

The money we crave would be his to save while preachers build a higher perch

If god only knew where we're going

There'd be roadblocks at the end of the street

His angels would call, and they'd say to us all there's a maker that we have to meet

If god only only kept to the rulebook

And made himself the only one

There'd be no need for the endless bleed that he cast upon his only son

If god only knew what a prayer is

Why the faithful still sing his name

If holy war is a thing to abhor he'd be shouldering his half of the blame

If god wasn't such a false idol

And he gave me something I could believe

I would proudly wear the cross I bear, but for now I'll keep it up my sleeve...

he says he'll make me his martyr

if i beg him,

that he'll let me feel religion 

if i let him turn the hem of my shirt inside-out,

kiss the cotton out of my mouth,

and spit fire.

he makes fists out of my fingers

until i am back alleys and barbed wire

ready to storm heaven

when his trumpet calls.

he says we were made to make god tremble,

to make kingdoms fall.

so i let his lips linger on my skin.

he tells me to give up

so i give in.

he says my kisses are penance

so i repent on silk sheets,

worshipping a faith

that's got me down on both knees.

no sleep

and the churning in my stomach 

tells me i should be asking for forgiveness,

but i've only been praying for keeps.

he drinks

the blood in my palms

instead of washing them clean,

talks vices into psalms

and scriptures into blasphemy.

i feel sin in my ribs

and him on my lips,

trying to pull purgatory

out of my hips

until i am all fire and brimstone.

i don't know if i want to believe.

he says if i give more, i'll receive,

that even if my faith shakes and my back breaks

he won't leave me alone.

i hit dead ends

and thin walls

to drown out his voice.

i pour my veins into

vessels just to hear

white noise.

he says

he'll make us legends to believe in,

that we'll do too much evil to die in vain.

he abandons me once i am his.

he never tells me his name.

Sometimes,

I don't know anymore

Whether my feelings are genuine or

Because that's what I'm supposed to feel or react

I'm trapped.

I've been imprisoned for years

I dont know how to be

in the state of freedom anymore

Down the darkening alley

Lives Suck 'Em Off Sally

Her pimp, and a gimp

Called Micky O'Malley

They rent an old shack

By the railroad track

Sally and O'Malley

Have a liking for crack

Her pimp's got the money

Keeps her sweet as honey

When she's hot, Micky's got

A cure for her cunny

She's soft downstairs

So they enter in pairs

And some in the bum

Where there aren't any hairs

Pimp likes to watch

It warms up his crotch

Thanks for the wanks

Then drowns in cheap scotch

Sally got coke

From a prick of a bloke

She fucks for the bucks

Like a pig in a poke

This mess could be you

It could be me too

Sleaze comes with ease

From green to deep blue

Thank god you don't know

Where the dark alleys go

You can guess; but confess

It doesn't half blow...

'You cannot kill what doesn't live', said Death one listless night

'It's not my nature to forgive or even know what's right

You'll feel my cloak and taste my shade until it's all you know

I'll prod and poke with haste, and fade with you; it's time to go'

'You cannot kill what doesn't live? Death, my friend, you're wrong

I haven't been alive for years, what's taken you so long?

My spirit's gone, I just hung on until you showed your face

With just your con to bet upon, I think I'll win my space'

'You cannot kill what doesn't live' he told me once again

'I'd bare to you my scythe, but I think you'd like the pain'

'Again, you're wrong, but make your mark if that is all you keep

What's left is strong against your bark; your bite won't make me sleep'

'You cannot kill what doesn't live!' he cried, exasperated

'Your bell has chimed!' he pantomimed. 'You've been so justly fated'

'Oh Death,' I said. 'I'm in the bed you tucked me in from birth

We're born and bred to wind up dead, for that is all we're worth'

'You cannot kill...' He had to stop; he'd seen that I was right

He fixed me with a rictus grin, and made to take his flight

Before he left he asked, 'Pray tell me, why do you not fear?'

'You cannot kill what doesn't live; so you'll have to leave me here...'