Tell me I love you

Not with your words but with your hands

Show me that you love me

In all the ways that will make my soul to you bend

Keep in mind that love is a language my heart doesn’t speak

So show me with your whole being what from me do you seek

Turn your words to discrete glances

My overthinking self will think of as miraculous chances

Let your eyes drill in me how hard was your fall

So that my heart and soul will learn how to answer your call

Teach me the language of lovers written in the stars

Starting with alphabets and moving to sounds, let’s write ours

Show me the patience you’ve displayed once and once again

When my insecurities resurface and I fail to try to, myself explain

In return I promise you one thing, and one thing to you I vow

My soul will imprint on yours for eternity like wolves

I can’t love you in the dark he said

Looking back he never knew

Darkness was the only language my heart knew how to spew

The dark was the cradle I lived in

When light forgot to shine on me

Darkness was the choice that I made for me

For light had forsaken the child that I used to be

It’s hard to explain how my only friend became pain

That joy was a currency traded with to keep my monsters tame

Comfort was a foreign concept my overthinking mind knew not of

Constantly on overdrive unable to fathom the true meaning of love

Beguiled by my darkness, I chose to remain hidden

Between my monsters and demons I was utterly smitten

He was the light that burned my skin

Crawled beneath my veins and settled within

Brought colors to my darkened eyes

Fed my slumbered aching soul tempting lies

He was the devil with angel wings

Sent from beyond to punish my mortal sins

Called forth my darkness and led it towards the light

Banishing me from my comfort, initiating my eternal fight

Cursed may he be, the man who stood over the ashes of my broken soul

Plaguing my essence to a life with no self control

Don't underestimate my self control

I've never lost it once even when I lost it all

The loose screws in my head remain attached

Perhaps to sanity or maybe to anger they latched

I've been to hell and back plenty of times 

Swam in oceans of lavas and spoke tongues of rhymes

Beheld sights I wished to wash my eyeballs after

Learned crafts so shady I became a trade master

I learned from a young age to hold it in

To keep the rage inside living underneath my skin

Don't think you can shake the foundation I built for years

Its walls stand on layers of grief and fears

With no doors to exist and no windows to look from

Once inside, you are bound to feel numb

The way I felt when it all came crushing down

Because if I let anything else pass through, I will surely drown

I've yet to learn to swim in the oceans of my neglected feelings

Refusing to start the journey to initiate the needed healings

I still need to stand strong, though undead to most people

Stitching myself piece by piece with a rusty needle

So don't you dare think me weak, my child

I've chosen the darkness, a domain that my heart beguiled.

On the day where the sun was blazing hot

A woman laid in a bed, who, for her life fought

With no solace or a friend to ease her pain

Brought to life a child to this world again

Some would call this a joyous day

But the woman feared fate would, her betray

She held in her arms a creature as tiny as a fœtus

Looked in her eyes, and felt the weight of life for once

The girl was named to have a life with a path as clear as the summer sky

But little did they know what did the curse of names really imply

Some would call a name a prayer for a future as bright as the blazing sun

But the truth that laid beneath the words called forth a destiny in the stars spun

As the days went by and the years filled the pages of her life

The child no longer young walked a life of endless strife

She thought the world cruel and the future as murky as a swamp of monsters

Unbeknownst to her she would take on a journey of endless wonders

There she was hoping for clarity to bless her days

Spending her nights with her head held high to stargaze

Praying that soon an answer would come her way, the ultimate truth

Saving her from the confusion that plagued her lengthy troubled youth

The child, now an adult, spent and weary

Found no truth to ease her mind, troubled very

Cursing the day her name was bestowed upon her

Plaguing her to an endless life of wander, a lost voyager

Seeking the one thing to define her existence

Unable to give up or move on, curse her persistence !

The girl not yet able to resign the chase she spent a lifetime after

Sacrificing along the way her tears, her blood and her quiet laughter

Oh fate that lurks far, far beneath the shining stars

Shed some light onto this lost soul who lived through endless wars

Do our names define us, or are we shackled by the curses of fate ?

Do the stars write our fates amongst the tragedies of falling saints

Are we here to live or is our life a journey to rewrite the stars

Should the journey be chosen by us or are we merely some controlled avatars

I curse the day the questions started flooding my brain

For ever since I became acquainted with the real knowledge pain

There I stand in front of the mirror

contemplating the reflection I see

At times I thought she was a stranger

But then I realized she was still me

The image I see is of a weary soul

haggard and faint from the weight of the world

On her shoulders she lifted years and eons

Of pain and hurt yet she had to move on

There she was the girl inside the mirror

The shell of the one who once was

The hurt child behind the mask of a villain

Perfecting her evil social stance

I seem to go through this more often than I would like to admit

My body betraying my mind and heart, making me look like a hypocrite

I love the sea like no words could give justice to the elation that boils within me

The way my body breathes its water and turns it to oxygen like it’s meant to be

I remember the days when the waves would feel like ginormous clouds drifting me to the heavens

Cradling my soul into a state of absolute surrender. A total soul cleanse

Then one day, this love turned to something my heart knew not of

An absolute dread coursed through my veins replacing the once so called love

I do not understand how can love and passion morph into morbid terror

A fear so engrained in the depth of my soul, there must be an error

It all started on the day where I was supposed to celebrate my coming to be

The first time ever I thought I wanted to venture into the sea

Let me add that I do not know how to swim let alone survive in the depth of the sea

Like a buffoon I jumped at the first intrusive thought that should have been a red flag

Straddled a device in the midst of a windy cold nature attack

Yeah, stupid I was, I know that much and more believe me

As I was advancing to the deep, deep part of the turbulent sea

I looked below, and god I wish, I just wish that day didn’t come to be

The once clear blue turquoise suddenly took on a shade of black that hooked my soul

For a while I froze as if entranced by an entity that promised to eat me whole

You see, when faced with death you know for sure there is no escape

And mine looked me in the eyes revealing to me its true shape

I can’t remember how I got back to shore that day

I swore an oath of tears and blood to never again go that way

Like a newborn foal I dragged my shaky feet back to my room

Wept like an archeologist who just found Nefertiti’s lost tomb

I lied to myself though, like I always do

You see, to run from the things that I love, I don’t know how to

I might not venture into the deep like a pirate looking for his treasure

But the shallows call for me reminding me of the once felt pleasure

As the water slowly started to submerge this cowardly body of mine

My lungs forgot how to breathe reminding me how easy it is to fate to resign

But you see I am no stranger to crippling fear

I might be a coward sometimes but let me make this clear

I refuse to let go of the things that make me feel alive

I’ll cry and swear and nag but head first, in I’ll dive

And I did, and somehow my body remembered what living was like

When peace was injected to my skin; like a lightening strike

I might never look beyond the shallow blue

But I’d rather nurture the love that I have and not over it screw

Only fools try to understand destiny

Said the warrior as he knelt to the ground

Looking back he was fond of tales of gods and prophecies

And bitter about the fate that he never found

A warrior’s life might be short lived

If carelessness takes over the mind

As he embarks in his voyage , his heart seeking glory and fame

Unbeknownst to him the dangers that lurk ahead waiting for him to claim

A journey starts in the head, a thirst that longs to be satiated

To the heart weaving the threads of a passion so long awaited

In times of crisis the limbs become mere weapons that fend for his life

The extension of his core serve but one purpose always in overdrive

Driven by honor and passion, the warrior takes on the journey of a century

All in hopes of attaining that which will mark him down in the pages of history

Upholding his crest, marching forward unafraid

Slaying beasts of mankind and demons all with his holy blade

Tis I, who have come to your aid

Shouted the warrior overlooking a village by fear plagued

Fret not dear brethren, for I have come to rid you of your ravenous beast

I shall overthrow his kingdom and tonight in these halls we will feast

With a heart of a knight and a mind of a sage he crossed the fields

To the beast he went armed with hope, bravery, and with no physical shield

The knight thought a hero he was, caring not for the life he was about to forsake

As he stepped inside the cave, the walls of stone started to shake

Roars and screams that deafened the absolute silence that once was

Sent shivers and pain to the core of the man who claimed he had no flaws

There he was afraid and alone in the midst of a fight he chose to take on his own

The reckless knight standing small in front of the one and only devil’s throne

For days and nights, the villagers heard the screams and wailing of the reckless fool

Thinking the knight was long lost to the devil, eaten by the caves’s ghoul

Then one day, the man came out of the cave unscathed

If anything he looked by what he saw inside, amazed

The knight left the village without uttering a single word

Went back to his home and to live in isolation preferred

The knight was no more, he was but a shell of the hero he thought he once was

As the days went by he grew old, and the tale of the cave remains a story to be told.

My father once told me“ men don’t cry!”

He looked me dead in the eyes and said,” as a guy! ”

Life treats you different, as if feelings aren’t a part of who you are

The same scale that weighs your worthiness will never allow you to go that far

Far from social norms and the expectations that crush your soul

The same notion that defines hope, drills in you a gaping hole

Men don’t cry, but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt inside

The way, we have to be strong and consistent to not be cast aside

You see, life is harsher on us men who feel too much inside

As if god somehow felt the need to make it harder for us to hide

But dad never cried, never shed a tear even in his darkest times

He always laughed and smiled, even when he forgot his lines

Even when he was gasping and flying away, he looked somehow serene

The same man who taught me what does it to be strong mean

The day he was no longer, I understood what he really meant

Everyone looked at my brother and expected him to never bend

To not be weak and to carry on the legacy

To not shed a tear and resign himself to his wretched destiny

The same child, who came to this world wailing

The soul I swore to protect, but, God! Am I failing?

I took him by the hand and looked at the depth of his soul

Cry dammit! Don’t let them over your soul have control

Don’t let them sharpen your edges and mold you the way they want

Don’t sell away your heart and live the rest of your life weary and spent

I promise, I'll make you a world if they don’t let you in

A place for you to live and never have to shed your skin

I vow to you, I'll be your safe space to come back to

So let yourself go and ignore the evils they are trying to spew

A flicker of hope shone in the crystals that looked me dead in the eye

A watery flow pushed from beneath, paving the way to his silent cry

You see, dad, men do cry!

They weep and wail, and they don’t even have to try

For we both feel the same wretchedness eating us from inside

The day that you passed, was the day the first man in our family cried

لم أجِدْ في جُعبتي كلمات تصف حُرْقَتي

خُضْتُ غِمَارَ الحياة و ما أَشَدَّ لَوْعَتِي

عن شباب المستقبل أُحَدِّثُكُم

عن جيل الأحلام و الاندفاع أُرَدِّدُ على مسامعكم

قُلْنا التحدِّي فغدى حلمنا ألَذَّ الخصام

تَحَلَّينا بالشجاعة و الشُّجاع قلب نابض لا ينام

طال الزمان و أبعدتنا المسافات

و غدى حَنِينُنَا أَرَقًا يردد الأغنيات

حُلْمُنَا سار معنا و لم تهن الصعاب

خضنا غِمَار الحياة و فقدنا في سيرنا الأصحاب

تعاهدنا يوما أن نرفع راية الوطن

أن نكون لحلمنا خير مدافعين و لكن

هانت علينا أرض المجد و الأشراف

و صوت الحق الهادر خَرَّى صامتا للأسف

يا طيور السماء بلغي صوتي

رددي و أصرخي أنني لعهدي لَسْتُ بِخَائِنِ

ريعان شبابي بين الكوكب و الكوكب ماض

في سفينة الحلم محلقا في الفضاء الداكن

شجعان أوفياء تحلينا بأخلاق الأبطال

عشقنا الوفاء و مِنَّا ، الصعاب لن تَنَال

إجتزنا النفق و لم تهدنا الحياة أضواءً

و رفاق الدرب خانوا للصداقة المِيثاَقَ

هيا نسافر لأرض الخيال مجددا

نعيش المغامرات، نحلق أبدا

نزرع في تُربتها أحلام الطفولة و الشباب

نصارع فيها الأشرار، نخوض فيها الصعاب

I made a vow few years ago to fall in love with me

To tell that girl stuck in time to let herself be free

That it's okay to be herself and care not for others

That she does not need to hide and cry under her covers

That no matter how she looks like she is beautiful inside and out

That she needs not the company of those who lurk in the shadows of doubt

I’d stand in front of the mirror and hug the living daylight out of her

I’d shout her name and make sure she knows I am her

I’ll tell her each day that she matters

When she laughs and cries and during her endless chatters

I’ll show her the future that she was afraid of

Imprint in her being the real meaning of love

I’d read her verses of villains and heroes

Tales of knights, witches, demons and pharaohs

I’d build a castle of wool for her on top of a hill

Let her run and scream and never stay still

I’d give her books, plenty to submerge her head in

To learn that words are not mere weapons with which to kill

I’d let shout all the words she hid inside

Let her know that does not need to hide

My gift would be to become her comfort

To arm her with enough love to be her support

So that one day when she is all alone

She’ll know fully well she was enough love shown