Someone suspiciously strange, somewhat secretive (surely surreptitious) solicited stupendous sentences somehow sensible - sustaining scrutiny - stretching such staggeringly spun spans so society should sense shocking, stupefying, surprising, stunning, startling speechlessness such so someone shall say such spun sentences surely stole speech stealthily, seemingly suspending synapses sidelined subsequently since seeing strained spreads so smoothly, swimmingly, steadily struck (surely spurning simplicity); someone surely superb, somewhat spectacular (seemingly smart) scrawled swiftly such special strings somehow sensible - specifically shrewd - stretching sagaciously solely so society shall stay shocked, surprised, stunned, startled, spell-cast, (simply speechless) seeing stuff said so sublimely (surely seductively) somehow stated in a drabble.

     Farley Corrigan wasn't the type of guy who deviated from his plans. He was meticulous, efficient, and above all, he was prepared for anything that the near future might bring. Even the distant possibilities were not a mystery to his perfectly laid out map of life.

     After completing his senior year at John Adams High, he would leave the docile town of Sunchoke and go on to the University of California in Berkeley, major in astrophysics with a minor in mathematics, land a job with the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, and eventually settle down with his long time girlfriend Madison Langley to raise two beautiful and well-behaved children.

     If nothing else, Farley was going places, and he knew exactly where.

     But in the local coffee shop at the edge of Landport Lane on the outskirts of Eugene, Oregon, "This isn't working, Farles" were the words that escaped Madison's lips.

     Most people would question what went wrong in a seemingly perfect relationship, but all Farley heard was a crack in the sylphosphere, the first defect that would inevitably chip away not only his impeccable plan but also the very fabric of quantum goo that made up his life.

     It was for this reason that he had to ask, "What?" and stare incredulously at the equally tense girl sitting in front of him.

     "This needs to happen. We aren’t going to be together forever, so what's the point of dragging it out?" she explained between exaggerated nonchalance and awkward silence.

     The scent of pumpkin spice hung in the air like a taunt that mocked Farley's crumbling plan. It was an aroma of fall, which in his mind symbolized falling in love, something he thought he'd never have to worry about with the girl he'd dated for nearly five years. In reality, it was the herald of demise, a different kind of fall from which he was already telling himself he could not again rise.

     Farley had adjusted his personal map before entering high school, and while he knew some aspects of it were bound to change, he never expected the major points he’d graphed to implode so extravagantly. He’d planned on taking Madison to prom in a few months, thus fulfilling his family’s tradition of pre-marriage photography, and afterwards she would attend the same university he did.

     It was perfectly sensible and by all means a roadmap to a successful and fulfilling life, but what it offered young Farley was not as palatable to his new ex-girlfriend. And so she slipped out of her chair and disappeared through the doors, leaving Farley to puzzle over the numb haze encroaching his mind.

     Whether seconds, minutes, or hours, he could not be sure, but Farley remained seated. He exchanged unfocused stare with reading the menu of holiday themed drinks that were much too early to be considered real holiday specials before returning to a daze in which he reminisced his study session with Madison not two days earlier and the way her hair smelled like honey that afternoon.

     She’d said something about her plan for the future, but he had been too busy calculating the velocities of roller coasters at different points on their tracks. He assumed she had been talking about her applications to college and how they matched up with his, but it was dawning on him now that the reason she had seemed so distant and aloof following the study session was more likely a failed attempt at the conversation she’d just had with him.

     It was over, he told himself. Everything he’d set up and hoped for was gone in an instant for no apparent reason at all.

     Dazed out of his mind, he dashed across the shop and darted through the double doors without so much as a glance to spare for anyone else. And in his haste, he stumbled headlong into a tiny, old woman on her way in. He tried to catch her, but she collapsed onto the floor with a yelp as the contents of her purse spilled out.

     “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry!” Farley repeated while frantically gathering up the makeup and cell phone that seemed better suited to a girl his own age than the white-haired woman he hoped he hadn’t injured.

     Only after handing the refilled bag back to the lady did he realize she was not an old lady at all. Under the elaborate and convincing costume was a petite blonde girl with a cute turn-up nose and the wide eyes of someone still trying to figure out what had just happened.

     Farley, however, did not linger until her senses had fully returned, but he did help her up before rushing away towards the parking lot of John Adams High School a couple blocks down the road. It wasn’t yet half past three, so his two best friends would still be sitting on the hood of Eric’s car, and it was just the distraction he needed to process what the point of dragging it out actually was.

ZOMBIESSSSSS!!!!!

Zombies zombies zombies zombies zombies!

Actual real zombies!

Guys its the best day of my life! Zombies are so real! I knew it! I knew it!!!!

Ive been dreaming about this forever! Ever since I saw Dawn of the Dead I cant believe this is really happening! Everyone thought I was crazy with my zombie preparedness kit, but whose the one laughing now? HAHAHAHA!

I saw the stuff they showed on the news. They called them mindless cannibals. LOL. We all know what they are. Everyone they bite turns into one of them, and they still wont admit its zombies? LMAO

WHEN THEY COME FOR YOUR BRAINS DONT COME CRYING TO ME! Ill be here in my bunker with my baseball bats and axes and guns and riot armor and traps and food and electricity and all the zombie smashing video games I ever need to train to become an EVEN BETTER ZOMBIE SLAYER AND ILL BE FINE BUT NONE OF YOU IDIOTS WILL BE HAHAHA.

Oh but if your a hot girl I might let you in. Depends what you do for me. ;) Bring your girlfriends too hehehehehehehehehe

AND NOW THERES A HERD!

The news just showed them heading this way! HAHAHA ALL YOU ASSHOLES AROUND ME ARE GING TO DIE! HAHAHA SERVES YOU RIGHT JOHNNY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE PIECE OF SHIT! AND YOU TOO JENNY YOURE SUCH A WHORE NO ONE WOULD EVEN WANT TO DATE YOU!!!

Im safe right here and all of you are gonna have to run. You all shunta made fun of me. You deserve this!

I CAN HEAR THEM OUTSIDE! They sound more like Dead Alive than Left4Dead. I can hear them right outside! Should I go kill some? Should I should I???

I'm going to kill some! What do I use??? A bat? Yeah! I'm gonna use a bat! That will be SO BADASS! Just like I am. I'm a fuckin badass!

I JUST OPENED THE DOOR. I can hear them gettin closer. Im gonna smash their FUCKIN HEADS INNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEYRE HERE!! HOLY SHIT THERE HERE!

I JUST KILLED ON GUYS! I JUST KILLED ONE!

AND THERES ANOTHER ONE!

KILLED IT TOOOOO HAHAHAH HOLY SHIT IM SO BADASSSSS!

THERES FOUR MORE! HOLY SHIT THERES TOO MANY! I CAAAAAaaaaaaadadigwvlbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbvffffffffffffffffddfffggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggnnnnnnnnm