oh.

i was consumed by the idea of you.

your laugh, the high after it.

your eyes, be flecks of joy in them even when you were sad.

your smile, because it was real. genuine.

you, because you were the sun and i was the moon. you were the everything i didn’t know i needed.

but that was the idea of you.

not real you.

remember me?

i dont mind if you dont

i just want to say thank you.

We stood in line at the ice cream shoppe, marveling at the candies and flavors.

"Look at this," I say smiling, holding up a chocolate wrapped in tin foil. It's shaped like a car.

"I'm not buying you that," you say, but you're laughing.

I didn't expect you to.

it was little things

like your detective-style black coat

and your witty comments

and your contagious smile

it never amounted to anything...

until it did, i guess

You open the door for me, and I step in.

I notice your spiderman poster first, your roommate second.

He hops off his bed, hair mussed and voice slow. "Hey," he drawls on his way out.

He was leaving... leaving the two of us alone.

I must've looked like a caged animal for a second there.

i stumbled over my words

and i messed with your heart

and my own too

so im sorry about that cause

i didnt know

what do you do if you dont know?

because i run

i always run so with you i wanted to stay

i took a risk and im afraid i left you confused

I'm confused.

so im sorry

but thank you

because you were always so kind to me

even if i never see you again

even if i cant muster the words

wont you know that

i never regretted a minute of our time together

i was so in love with you, so annihilated by you.

your puffy lips and dark eyes and frequent laugh. every single thing about you. it was tragic, the amount of power you had over me.

and i wonder if you knew, you could have asked me to kiss you, to kill you, to do just about anything for you, and i would’ve.

now i really hope you find someone who annihilates you, and who you annihilate back. because you deserve to meet someone who would die for you and love you the way i supposedly couldn’t. they should love you not because you’re just attractive, but because they’ll die without you. because they need to be annihilated by you. and you need them just as much. i hope you fall head over heals for someone who falls head over heals for you too, and don’t look back.

i'm a writer.

i'm addicted to plot twists and clashing metaphors and the arc of a character. i'd follow the path to the ends of hell or the start of heaven. prose and poems are my oxygen and i exhale cliches and inter monologues. and it's easy. it's so easy to drown in ficitonal worlds, in the endless possibilities. to create and create and get lost and neevr look back. it's like breathing, falling in love, crying. staying away results in needing more.

but simply, i'm a writer.

If you spent your life believing in something so strongly,

you will be afraid of change,

of the uncertain possibilities ahead of you.

Fear,

Uncertainty,

and doubt

will hang over you,

like a dark cloud.

And fear,

it is dangerous,

lethal,

maybe even more so than

arsenic,

and it can

poison,

kill,

spike,

even the heart,

the soul,

and mind.

Fear changes how we think,

to act irrationally,

illogically,

unreasonably,

to lash out at others.

All because of fear.

so perhaps,

we should try to understand everyone,

their fears,

before dismissing them as

no-good haters.

Everything is done for a reason,

you just need to see why.

But perhaps, and many a time,

it is because of FEAR,

one of man’s worst enemy.

I’m gonna do something stupid,

that will kill me,

and you are going to follow suit,

or I will kill you.

Sound familiar?

This is how society is goddy messed up, cousin.

But we accept it,

so hooray to us cowards!

why are we so low class?

and how are we able to live with ourselves?

and when did we become like this?

and what do we do every single day of our lives?

who are we in the first place?

where are we gonna end up like this?

This is the horror story,

called

“LIFE”,

the kind,

where the hero

dies

in

the

end

I mean,

duh,

at the end of life,

is,

death.