I have on my hand a scar indefinite. It became resident upon completion of a surgery to reduce the pain that was constant in my knuckle. I was returned the pain that I had wished on many so many years prior. I don't doubt the power it can unleash, as I've seen it war on world for so long. Yet, it was because of it's power, that it suffered the pain it had. It was full circle.

I have a dimple on my right cheek. It adorned me when I decided I would love and clutch my dog tightly. The amount of love I put out was more than he wanted and it was returned with the pain he felt it would take to cause me to refrain. I knew because of this, it is never ideal to overextend oneself, if you don't know how the other entity feels and that's a little easier with dogs than humans, yet my love-mark might be discouraging to that.

I have in the middle of my forehead, a small wave that you might need to be intimately close to me to even notice. It was bestowed upon me , majorly because I chose to believe that living among population was fine. Yet it would be known, that ignorance to microorganisms and the unseen can still affect you. A ringworm was not my friend in my youth, yet I wasn't the only one granted this blessing. Even if I believe in man, it's what I don't know about them that will ultimately come haunting.

The invisible wounds I bear are probably far greater. They are the ones beneath the cutaneous layer. They are the one's that are associated with the mind and the emotions. I learned that my unceasing need to laugh or to have laughter causes the greater idea that I don't invest serious thought, I do, but I'll laugh first then let you know exactly how something should be dealt with. I won't dive too far into this, because in all honesty, it's morose and unnecessary.

I guess what I'm saying is : No matter what I've done to this point, I have always been met with greater than or equal to returning opposing force. I have great drive and live in great depression. I have large dreams and live in constant fear. I feel very free but I know that the freedoms I once thought I had are not real. You can combat some of the physical ailments with drastic procedures but my experience is that it might be an internal sacrifice for it. Although you will wish to build yourself a mountain, the world will work on making it balanced upon a jenga piece soon to be pulled.

I enjoy thinking on this even if I feel my writing for it came out much weaker. I will have lived so much that my death will be but a minimal facet to all that I was. This took a steeper turn than expected. Hrm.

Dearest You,

Although I'm willing to wager what pretty pennies I have that you won't read this or stumble across it, I'll write it for my sake. You were so well-versed at destroying me anytime we had a disagreement, be it worth two glances or none at all, because of this I have to say my piece and perhaps it'll leave me, I hope. On the occasions I do remember our time together, which in all honesty, it's not like I can forget nearly 5 years in a matter of a few months, I look at them so dumbfounded. You eagerly claim to me at times now, that things aren't easy for you and weren't because of everything we went through and what have you. I wish you'd save your breath for words that carried volume to ears that would hear them, I have grown deaf on you, seeing that you speak one way and act another.

You string together these reasons I should believe you over everything else, this isn't an argument, you can't beat me here. You were caught with your intent exposed, hands red. You like to claim that there was an evil in your life long before I existed and you used to say I saved you from it, hope your next victim appreciates it. They get to avoid the way you would take your aggression out on me when no one knew. I'll never forget what it was like to let someone do what you did to me much like you say what was done to you. I remember what it was to romance the devil when the form it took on was lust, before you, and it was definitely an evil carnal thing, I shattered hearts and destroyed visions. The next form it took was wrath and envy, so of course this time I would have those things smashed in my life.

I want you to know that I'm not coming back, ever. I'm not the same person I was during our tenure, I haven't grown much, but enough to know the answer isn't with another heart but fixing mine. I definitely had my struggles that you helped me with, so thanks for that. I give my best effort every day and I now realize something an ex's dad once said "One day you'll realize how small you are". Ha. Bittersweet words for me to choke on for now and regurgitate later. You won't own me, hold me down, and odds are, see me again except in your searches of social media. I will openly avoid you. If you approach me, I will say nothing. Your cold hearted betrayal has earned this but deserves so much more, and I'll leave that in the hands of the blasphemer you took over me behind my back and out of my scope of vision.

I know we left on terms that I wouldn't trust you again but trust me, these words are a definite symbol of where we are. I didn't want to cut your family out, but they remind me of you, and I can't stand the thought of you, in any context. The thinnest line is truly the ones the fates fashion from hate and love. I will never climb to the mountains seeking anyone's hand in marriage. I will never dive to the bottom of the sea to discover a world unknown with the thought of love nearby. No, I will do these things for the sheer discovery of me now. I need to know I'm not completely broken and wasted. I know you'll tell me you're not okay and all the other words you can save for the garbage, so just go on and live this life for whatever it has in store for you and try to make memories to cover up the ones I made with you. Thank you for giving me time that I must now withdraw more time in order to cover up or use to forget.

Wasted sincerities and overdue goodbyes,

B.

There are a few ways I can go with this: I'm always hurting to leave and help others, however I'm not really sure how to pursue that role, especially with national crisis even those in the motherland. I'm shaken still by the fact that some of my friends in different times could completely place blade in my back. I've found myself hurt because of finding out things about my family, those are my things, not to share. So I will say all of these have shaken me to the core...

I was left in a state of great shock many times, believing that everything was perfect/bliss, proving the adage, you know the one. It reminds me that no matter how much I know, and I'll play along and act like I may not know very much, I definitely find heaving gaps and bottomless pits in areas I couldn't see the brightest light destroy shadow in. I often times asked myself ,"Why me?" Simple question, simple answer ,"Life." I often times would think on strategies of my betterment. Many I still use. I rarely dive in too deep with people, as far as friendship and sharing is concerned, because we're a selfish race that many times doesn't get too worried about learning anything another being is going through or who they might be. Which sometimes bothers me, but much less now. I've learned that if I trust you and your mouth spits venom in regards to me with back turned, you can expect our bridge to be gasoline doused and burned with the cigarette I smoke to honor our new-found distance. I won't pursue effort, you will beg for forgiveness. In that manner I am mean, I don't claim to be a sweetheart most of the time.

When it comes to things I've learned about my family, I have to approach them with reality. I don't put sugar on it, I don't dance around to make them smile, because I need them to really grasp what they have. They don't know what their loss would do to me, but even the earthquake of Nepal wouldn't shake me nearly as heard as that. They always believe I'm tough on them and I am, I'm tough with love because others are cold with ignorance. Their presence means so much more to me than whatever this world they live in could construct. They aren't perfect, saints, top of their class in studies, or the best decision makers, but they are my blood and everything I know. So when I'm shaken here, I let them know exactly what can happen and exactly how I feel, and that although it's their life, there will be levels of respect lost if they don't make changes, and respect is a token hard to earn from me.

In order to rebuild myself these several times, I have used the anger I have to help create the physical shield, at one time sculpting my form to prevent injury, to assure others, there was no way to injure the mental or psychological state I was in also. To rebuild otherwise, I used to drink to forget many things, which never worked. At times I experimented with various other drugs to pick up my mood and help me appreciate the world around me, which worked briefly. Now, I continue to force myself to quit writing things down and forget them and instead put fingertips to keyboard and extrapolate my mind's work. It isn't something you'll find archived in the greatest of writings, it isn't something that is clear and void of grammatical flaw and English misuse. It's what rebuilds my mind to become stronger each day. I read some works on here and find inspiration and appreciation that instead of agreeing to an emotionless dance on days and nights, that I can let these words breathe life to all of my inner-workings. Some more creative and flashy than others. I should probably return to my physical crafting so that I have things back in order and a more positive head-space, I'll just take it steady as she goes.

The general's hand hovered above the button. Sweat dripped down his reddened face.

"You must do it, General." In contrast to the general's appearance, the agent appeared perfectly calm in his black suit and sunglasses. "If we do not do it, they will."

"Blast it, I know they will. But I just can't bring myself to do this..... To end millions of lives at once."

"If you do not do it, then I will." The general's hand came down..... and hit the button.

Nothing happened. No report of nuclear launch. No screaming of missiles flying into the air. Only silence.

And then the wall screen flickered to life as music blared out of hidden speakers. Confetti showered from the ceiling. And a ten hour loop of Nyan Cat began playing on the screen. And then the world exploded. A huge voice boomed from the heavens,

"Laaaame. This is the stupedist game ever. I'm gonna go to Game Stop and pick up a better one."

Fighting a fight that cannot be fought,

Crossing the biggest sea,

Climbing the tallest mountain,

Catching the biggest beast.

Your definition of bravery,

Might be the same as these,

Fighting the evil dragon,

Facing the swarm of bees.

You could be brave for power

Or maybe just for fun

But the real reason usually,

Is for the one you love.

You are not afraid of the DARK

You are afraid of WHAT'S IN IT

You are not afraid of HEIGHTS

You are afraid of FALLING

You are not afraid of FAILING

You are afraid of EMBARRASSMENT

endless epitomes

of hungry souls

the night’s bright lights

sleeping forbidden

burrowing in the heart

a soft open path

where one can pass

all the way through

unlock the centre chambre

the shelter

the nest

dans le dortoir de Genet

where the monasterial charms

become the jewels of union

apiculate serenity

equable in depth

reaching shallowly

through the rice fields of time

to find a hand

with, or without

when it comes to the last grain of sand, in my hourglass

I make a wish , on the way my body makes end and soul pass

That as the sun peaks, to awaken the inhabitants alive

it would grant me the wings to ascend to the sky

That the humidity is mild so I can feel earth's damp air

That the wind is just a breeze, to spread my wings with flair

That the clouds create a hole in a circle that I may proceed through

To make me understand my presence is highly welcomed, in the blue

I wish that It to be as peaceful as the slip into a state of sleep

I suppose that's why they're cousins, escape is so sweet

I wish that the lessons I learned here that were man enforced

are wiped from my canvas, so that simpler things are adorn

I wish for any indiscretion my body may have had in it's shell

is cast as I make it to my destination, to the pits of eternal hell

I wish that the love that I truly enjoyed, would be around my being

That only the happiest and grandest things will be the one's that I'm seeing.

I wish for my send off, to be one in my rest, regardless the age I attain

It's foolish to give numbers so much respect