For some reason, I always seem to like the guys who are not what is best for me. Like, for example, currently I’ve had a crush on this guy who does not take his academics seriously and occasionally smokes pot. Now, I take my classes seriously and I am 100% against drug usage. But, this guy is one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. And I kept telling myself to stop liking him because of those two facts but I couldn’t help how I felt about him. He made me laugh and he made me smile and he made me feel special. But. I’ve come to realize that he treats everyone the same way he treats me. Which, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it makes you wonder how much you actually mean to him in terms of his relationship with other people VS you and if he even cares about you as much as you care about him. As far as I know, he might even treat strangers this nicely. And so you have to wonder how special you really are to him. And, even though I know how I feel about him, I also know he isn’t the kind of guy I want in my life. As a boyfriend. I kind of want to be friends with him still but trying not to like him is going to take a lot of effort regardless of the fact that he does things I am quite against. I just wish I understood my heart and I wish I never liked him because he is not right for me.

Pain and pleasure drift in waves of heat

breathes of cold air chill on rooftops

the dazzle of thin spider veins in sky

ghosts of your soul entangling me

beating on the tarred paper of life

shivers of skin sense you are still here

quivering of our hearts goes on, bursting

through floodgates of falling words

illusions lost in sodden clouds

watery reflections of invisible universe

shuddering sighs from my breast.

Never from my mind will you part.

Every brief moment we shared was truly a blessing. I still feel your presence so near, little dear.

Tiny hands to hold and play with for as long as time would allow. There I stayed in such a peaceful & great state. My entire being so full of overflowing joy to always see you face-to-face.

The sands of time in the hourglass can’t be reversed. Or I would have tried to go back in time. To be with you for even a much greater while longer.

I thought I’d see you again. But the medical team did their best to save you. Sadly, you came back with a silent heart.

Dearest young sibling, though your time spent here on earth was cut too short- I will always hold you dearly in my own heart. Now and forever more. Even till my last day here on this planet earth.

You may be gone, but I can feel your spiritual being always by my side. I don’t think the time that has passed can ever heal my grief. Now I am only comforted by the thought that I will see you in the afterlife.

You are no longer physically here. That doesn’t mean you’ve been forgotten.

Love you for all time my little young darling sis.

They rise, armor adorned

riding winged horses

and on their way to battle

Hildr with her shield

and Gunnr tasting the battle

before it’s begun

To choose, those who live

and those who will die

and deliver them to Valhalla

They ride on winged horses

to the battlefields to judge

the honored and the valiant

For they are the Valkyrie

and in the fog of war

they will find you as they rise

eat the distance

as the emptiness turns into twins

and then into triplets, make friends with

the ghosts in your head. have imaginary

conversations about what you would say,

to the multiple versions of your object of affection.

sometimes be diplomatic, sometimes bold in

your honesty--a hand without an ulterior motive,

reaching into the interior and pulling out

the sticky gumption of unspelled words.

chew on the boundaries, digest them,

scamper from the ghosts like that iconic

yellow ball--in an increasingly uncompetitive

level of resistance to cannibalism.

feckless words, defenseless bodies,

a braintrust broken into basic instincts.

as james earl jones once quipped,

"rules? there are no rules here".

petty things, little puritanisms, obfuscate

the truth suspended between us--seeing

through ocean and drinking in air, we reject

the idea of drowning, no matter how real.

most people want to eat each other,

whether because they hate one another

or love, because their inviolable space has

been violated, because their space, immediately,

has become unbearably lonely--if only for

a moment--because of a need to devour,

because of a need to be dominant;

otherwise, a need to be dominated.

slickly veiled with correctness, like a crisco

greased lamp post--so that one may not climb

atop in an orgy of a riot--we maintain

a civil image about ourselves.

let's dispense with the decorum

and speak frankly of the words we sublimate

into gentler cousins, distantly related species

we can make a "please touch" museum of

because--specifically--they will not bite.

bite me with your verbiage,

hate me with your tongue,

fight me while fighting yourself:

show your shadow boxer to me

for he may leap into your skin,

or perhaps dissipate and leave you

defenseless--like you want to be

talking with the ghosts in my head,

there is that honesty i let be wanton

on paper--cannibals all, obsessive eaters

i stand before those alien to themselves,

like tommy lee before a space cockroach,

and i shout out, quite simply: "eat me".

Exotic petals

beguile innocent fingers

invisible thorn.

Hi. I'm writing to you with gratitude. I want to thank you for making me so beautiful! You have given me self control and wisdom! You let me shine in the face of my enemies! I eventually won every battle I faced while finding love. You made others wonder about my life and what direction it would take. I have been given physical perfection and health because of you!

Because you are so talented, it seems like everyone wants to hear more about me.

Thank you for my best friend and my awesome dog. Thank you for all the lucky breaks.

I love being held in the hands of people sitting at the poolside taking me in, hardly able to put me down only to return to their own realities.

Oh, this good romantic life of fame cannot stop. Please, keep writing and again,

Thank you!

I want a love so deep that I drown in your kiss.

I want a love so deep, but that doesn't exist.

I'm searching for something that I'll never find.

The world moves ahead while my heart stays behind.

I've been fooled in the past into thinking they're right.

I've exhausted my efforts to keep up the fight.

I'm now content in this room where I don't hear a sound.

This love that I want, I've been forced to put down.