Memories… Hopes… Dreams...

They’re gnawing at me.

Super mario odyssey arrived.

I remember the days…

We played Super mario sunshine,

We loved playing it together.

The night I got odyssey,

I cried.

I dreamt.

I dreamt of being allowed to see you.

We would fake being just friends,

But that would never work again.

I know it won’t work out that way.

Even now, I’m at the verge of tears.

I miss you,

I love you,

I miss making memories with you,

I miss having you,

I can’t accept everything is gone.

I try to surpass,

But it seems i’ll just collapse...

It’s still unclear,

The end feels near.

With bad comes good.

Meeting her...

It caused a chain reaction.

I was lonely when she left,

made lots of friends,

Play games,

Yet I still feel pain.

I worry for her when I shouldn’t...

I can’t bear the thought of dating another.

Alls I have left is hope and memories...

I feel better,

I feel ok.

It’s not the same,

Life is to blame.

I made some friends,

Found some joy,

Encouraged others,

But it’s not the same.

I’ve grown so much,

I'm avoiding pain.

But at least after all this,

I can make others feel ok...

My heart is crying in tremendous pain.

I feel as if someone won’t let go of my heart.

I feel full but lacking.

Full of pain,

Lacking happiness.

I let her go,

Had brief relief,

But gained pain.

Is that really all I get?

Is this my reward for suffering?

I became stronger,

But it’s not what I wanted.

Being strong is just another word for getting through the weak times.

I never wished for this life,

And it’s frustrating not knowing what I did wrong.

Maybe I did little wrong,

I don’t know.

But what I do know is,

If I can’t gain,

I’ll truly die inside..

I lost my best friend,

I lost my lover,

this feels like the end.

The end of my sanity is near,

It will become insanity.

I feel as if I’m dying inside,

I must stop lying.

The reality is, she’s gone.

At least for now.

I may be able to redeem myself someday,

But it won’t be anytime soon.

Until then, I will continue to lose myself.

I will continue to be consumed by darkness.

I sacrificed myself,

Made the right choice,

Yet I cry.

The tears flow.

I pity myself.

I made her happy,

But what am I?

I'm Just a sad human being.

She found her purpose,

She grew to love herself,

She gained confidence.

She gained everything while I gained so little.

It hurts to see her happy without me,

But I do wish for her happiness.

This is the devastating price I pay.

I must leave her be,

So she can continue to grow and leave me.

There's no turning back.

I will do my best,

And continue to sacrifice myself...

I can't believe,

I set her free.

She's better without me.

I'm happy for her,

But sad for me.

I've grown so much,

I'm no longer weak,

I'm stronger than I wish to be.

She no longer loves me,

at least for the time,

But that's okay.

She still cares for me deeply,

Just as a friend.

Maybe best friends someday,

Or even more.

I don’t know,

But I do know I won’t stop moving forward.

I shall continue improving,

She could then learn to love me again.

And if not,

This experience changed me for the greater good.

Courtney wasn’t the problem,

I’m truly blind.

She’s here to help you & I,

I must ignore my evil mind.

It was your decision to avoid me.

When you say my name,

Speak to me,

Think of me,

And think of all the memories,

you die.

It kills you inside.

But why?

The only clear explanation is you miss me.

How could you claim to not love me if I hurt you without doing anything wrong?

It was all your parents,

They manipulated your feelings.

I at least hope that’s the case.

Although I analyzed and you deny,

Everyone claims I have a small chance for a future with you.

But in my heart I believe my chances are strong.

That is why,

My hope has not died…

But who knows?

Either you, I, or both of us are blinded by lies.

I must be patient,

And discover which of us lied….

My life is one big puzzle,

A puzzle which cannot be completed.

Small pieces come together,

They change and become redone.

My puzzle is constantly changing.

I connect the wrong pieces.

My puzzle is mysterious,

I wish I could understand.

I guarantee it’ll take years.

Years to fulfill the most important part,

And hopefully rest my heart...

After all these months,

I finally decided.

I’ll do what’s best for her,

And neglect myself.

I made a promise,

To fill her with joy.

So I will do my best,

To end her regrets.

She’ll most likely separate,

But it’s for the best.

I’ll do it for her,

As I love her so.

My mind says to be selfish,

But I refuse to do so.

If I can fulfill my promise,

Meeting her was a success.