full/filled.
I have forever been equally blessed and cursed in life
a man that has just begun to live, by rights, as he should
after a boy continued doggedly way past his sell-by date.
Playing now to the strengths I have, but before never would
after chasing dreams of those to whom I could not relate.
I was a drug user, an alcoholic, a sex addict, all party,
overly confident, positive and anesthetised continually.
Now I don’t smoke or do drugs, drink, drunk moderately
sex is with one person, at a time, all the time, sometimes.
Yet I struggle with the black dog that hid cowering behind
the excesses, suppressed stresses, perceived successes,
and those I impressed in and out of short dresses
a tally of feast, hedonistic pleasures gorged with aplomb
yet respectful, and smiling, enemy-less, number one.
I am still a boy, but wear the mask of a steady man
for the grey world, yet let inner child out when I can.
The nonfiction now fiction, what was real hewn now in words
The blips on my radar all worthy, too late to gaze past birds.
Hard working, harder dreaming; this meandering life has been full,
yet if I died today, in this time of solidity, it would still be cool.
Sandcastles
We erode, we erode...
Like sandcastles in the surf...
Impermanence manifest.
Each moment is a precious one.
Don't lose it, it'll go someday.
Hold the snowflakes in your heart.
Each wave and breeze, new life.
We erode, we erode...
Like sandcastles in the surf...
Impermanence manifest.
The days will go on without pause,
The times will not wait for you.
Change and adapt to the new rhythm,
Before you are left behind.
We erode, we erode...
Like sandcastles in the surf...
Impermanence manifest.
Every word shapes the future,
Please be careful what you say.
Always remember the repercussions,
Be mindful of the consequences.
We erode, we erode...
Like sandcastles in the surf...
Impermanence manifest.
You can make your heart a fortress,
To protect your inner flames.
But someday, someone or something,
Will break down your walls in love.
I don’t know who you are but it’s not me anymore
There are decomposing pieces of the people that I used to be that lie buried as chopped up corpses around my feet
All around me is a graveyard of the people who I once loved
My world is crumbling and it feels like this is the only place on earth I'm safe
The only sound around me is the grey buzz in my ears
Like fruit flies waiting for this flesh to be another carcass in this burial ground
I don't know who's going to take my place but I already hate her
For the maggots in my eye sockets wouldn't be eating out my insides if I could have stayed just awhile longer
We don’t eat.
We don't eat until the Devil's at the table.
We don't eat until the Devil gives the order.
And only then you can feel the pleasure.
Your eyes moist with gratitude and your mouth dripping blood.
And the blood tastes like chocolate.
And the Devil tells you what a good pet you are; making you feel irrationally good...
The Devil has trained you well.
untitled
Time elapses and repeats itself within the melancholy frames of my recollection. When did living become survival, and survival become waiting?
She said the light was erased
Casting shadows on
The cityscape of resigned constitution
Fires erupted and
The Earth split
And a myriad of needs were birthed
From the hovering insecurity
Twilight reigns and the imprisoned minds dissent. I observe them tracing footsteps through the decades of human mulch, and consciousness rocks itself to sleep.
We tiptoe through Pleasure, siren to Desire. She surveils from her throne and casts chaos upon Sanity. Her forced detours shift the balance, and we are forever forgotten to ourselves.
Just say no
I think about you.
You think I don't.
I know that.
I think about you.
You're like losing the words
to my favorite song.
Windows down on the interstate
holding onto the rim of a pink
straw hat.
That night I called you a cowgirl
You took a hit.
Rolled your eyes.
I asked you to save me
you even had that stupid,
perfect and crooked grin
When you told me no way
Shelter
Let the spider live
it is tired and cold
it has escaped
from the mundane
from dripping rain
Though it does frighten me
Dark
Large
Elongated limbs
Defying gravity
Gripping my wall
Somehow
There is a strange comfort
in knowing that I give it shelter
If not forever
for now
Away from death
Away from all things ready
To devour
To kill
To annihilate
On the other side of this locked door
Things that I despise as well
Let it stay to weave a web
In silence
Today
We shall rest
Together