Under your spell,

I dug a hole of my infatuation,

And into it I fell.

I once thought it a figment of my imagination,

But my mind is too filled with thoughts of your eyes.

I tried to run, out of pure desperation.

But distance has only strengthened my heart's demise,

And time has only weakened my patience.

I'm quickly getting tired of my own lies.

I've loved you since you were a mere acquaintance,

And I've hoped for you to feel the same.

I've filled myself with unreasonable expectations.

I wonder do you see my shame?

When you come with all your trusting and touching,

I can never tell you how I feel for fear of blame.

I want to feel nothing,

That is,

Unless you feel something?

You weren't here today. I didn't really realize what your constant presence meant to me until I realized you weren't here today. He was there instead. You know. That boy.

That boy. The one you always smoke with? I remember his name now. I also remember what my friend told me about him. About how they barely knew eachother but he randomly picked her up, his arms beneath her ass, taking his advantage to grab it on the way. She was so shocked at the time she couldn't even react. Now she just ignores him, says he's probably just a bit weird and it wasn't meant to be sexual. She calls it his weird idea of friendly.

I call it bullshit. It's perfectly obvious what it was and what it was meant to be. I didn't realize he was the guy. Not till she pointed him out. And I saw he was your smoker guy. I saw him in town with you the other day. I may like your face, but I sure don't like his. Four years older than yours and stretched by an eerie and unemotional smile. He has this, calm stare that is neither intense nor light and screams "I look at what I want to look at."

I want you to be careful with him. He scares me in more ways than one. If you think you're just friends then think again because he thinks something else. I know it from the way he looks at you. He likes your face too. More than just your face.

Hello again person with a nice face. I was sitting with my friends the other day. We were talking. Then you came up to us. I saw your imperfectly perfect face like I always do, except this time it was coming towards me. You stood there, clutching the edge of the table. You glanced at me and looked away. You started speaking, I barely listened to what you were asking. I was focusing so much on the sound of your voice, it was quiet, slightly harsh. You spoke hesitantly. I paid close attention to you, making eye contact several times. You kept looking at me and looking away. Do you remember?

You started describing a girl in my class, asking if we'd seen her. One of my friends told you she'd already left. A look of disappointment went over your face and you sighed heavily. You had something you needed to give her. I quickly offered my help, seeing if there was something I could do. You looked at me again. Surprised, shy, relieved. And you passed your task on to me.

You walked away. Out of the 30 words you spoke, only one of them was directed at me. A quick "Thanks." and that was all. I still don't know your name. I still see your face everywhere, and you still don't seem to see me. Somehow hearing your voice has made you more intriguing to me. Even though, there's nothing really special about it. Come to think of it there's nothing really special about your face either. It's a pretty face. It's a face I like. But I don't know if it's a special face.

Why do I keep seeing you everywhere? All you are is another person. Another person with another face. I like your face.

I don't know your name. And I don't know who you are. I know nothing about you. I don't know what accent you have or what your voice even sounds like. But I know your face. I've seen all its expressions. I know it's habits, I know your smile, I know your frown. And I like it.

I see you in the halls of my school. I see you so often. I feel like its weird I'm always noticing you, a perfect stranger, with an imperfectly perfect face. In the halls at school I always bump into you. I always see you. My friends talk to me and I see you in the distance and their voices fade away. Do you notice me noticing you? Do you notice me as much as I do you?

I saw you smoking yesterday. I've seen you smoke a couple of times. Just before you head to lunch. You're always smoking with that guy, I heard his name somewhere. But I don't remember it. I wonder if he's your brother or your boyfriend. You shouldn't smoke. It's not good for you. Not good for your face.

’How are you?’ and ’How do you do?’

                                        Don’t answer honestly!

That’s not how it’s done!

                                                     No one cares about your business!

          Not about your wellbeing!

                                    Not about your emotions!

Child, child, child;

                                                     You’re doing it all wrong

                       Sing the same song!

                                         I’m fine and you?

A scripted conversation,

                                      Not an expression of elation!

              Socializing has rules you see!

                                                            Learn your lines!

                                                                             Don’t set off its landmines!

my heart, my heart

oh how it calls for you

you without your mask

you without your walls

my soul, my soul

oh how it yearns for you

the kindness behind your smile

the wisdom behind your eyes

I like to say that just don't have time to sleep.

That I have things to do.

But my secret I'll no longer keep.

I am an insomniac, through and through.

Have I changed so much already,

In the months since I left?

Am I so different from before,

Before we parted?

Are you ending this already,

Is there nothing of me left?

Did you ever love me before,

Before we parted?

You’re so different but the same,

I hate you now as I didn’t know I had then

Your words are different,

But they mean the same

I don’t make time for you now

Just as I didn’t then

Perhaps this distance brought clarity

And perhaps time finally showed true

Perhaps it’s finally time, to let go of you.

My love,

I hate to see you cry.

The salty tears running down your pretty face;

They do not belong there

The waves of sadness crashing into your breaking heart;

You do not deserve them.

Oh if only you would tell me why,

What is it that makes your shining eyes bleed your pain

Your confidence belongs in me.

Seeing you sit racked in sobs,

Seeing some evil demon harm you this way,

It hurts me more than you could ever know,

Than I could ever tell

What is it that pulls the tide of your emotion?

Don’t I deserve to know?

I asked you once but I won’t again

I want to fix it.

I want to heal you.

Please don’t hide,

I’m just afraid,

I know my time I must bide,

I know that you too are just afraid.

You never wanted me.

You just needed me.

I hear you ask if there’s a difference.

The difference lies in your indifference towards my assistance,

rather than appreciation towards its existence.

It lies in your need for minimal physical distance,

while you have no issue with keeping your heart out of my reach.

It lies in your need to hear my comforting speech,

rather than let me speak the truth my heart bleeds to release.

It lies in your need for me to put your worries at peace

It lies in your perception of me as an essential,

rather than as a choice preferential