Circa 2008

You (I Realize)

A break in the clouds, for the suns piercing glory

a flutter of eyes to take in the morning

but the vision is unclear, and the objects are muddled

and you lie face down in the tears that you puddled...

the world might be a pretty place

with someone in it to adore your face

but a broken heart and a past that still haunts

are just a mere stab and laugh that life taunts

to clear the idea that i'm trying to express

imagine yourself on the verge of happiness

only to find, that where you're at and what you want

were two different things, all along.

You, I realize

through closed eyes, are

my morning star, the sun that

keeps me warm and combat

my darkness my past and

a holding hand.

Though the liquid i induce blurs my vision

and the smoke clearly expands my mind

your smile makes a precise incision

and the way i feel for you i can't hide.

No matter how far down i go in this life

my thoughts of you get me by.

Even though your smile is shared in something else

that in comparison makes me look just pale

You, I realize,

are the yearning and the mourning

the shouts and the cries,

the burning and the forming

of my empty nights.

yes, you, I realize,

are far to gone for me to apologize

there is no time

the sun has set, the clouds have met

and i'm lit on the face by a pale

lonely moon.

It should be sin to wake up,

without you.

But call me Hell Bound because

every day i do

I almost fall to pieces when i stare to no avail

your neither here nor there

and my words do more than..fail.

You, I realize,

I never really knew,

only what i could see and take in

never the depth beyond the skin

i'm..a fool

for thinking that things were easy

my life has been misleading

in the hopes of ever loving another

so i've loved myself to death

and have become too great a blunder

you, i realize, said i would be this.

so passionately take out the knife from my back,

turn me around straight through my chest right on track,

look me in the eyes, repeat the lie," i love you,"

only to leave me lie, to do a few

addictive contradictions like you do.

I had managed to fall into yet another battle, both weary and starved with the legion standing against me, alone. Their numbers terrifying as they stood 20 to 1. This was different, for I needed them for my life. I spoke ,"No matter what comes of this, I will love ye, and thank ye dearly for your service." I then began my conquest. My enemy stood no match. I devoured them entirely and my stomach screamed in pain : McNuggets consumed in their entirety aren't for the weak.

I try to open my eyes

But it was drooping

It was not listening to my heart

Which was telling it to open

My mind wants to sleep

My heart wants to keep awake

I feel like drowning

Someone grabbing my feet

To pull me down

Someone grabbing my hands

To keep me afloat

I'm halfway between

Not awake

Not asleep

I want the person down

To keep pulling me down

And drag me into the abyss

I also want the person up

To keep pulling me up

And drag me into the light

I lie there undecided

Wishing one of them to

Make up their mind

And let me go

So that they can let me

The owner of my body

To make a decision

If I should

Stay afloat

Or drown

Some tranquil outside force

Has rubbed its aura onto

The famous bust of Alexander

When man embark'd upon

Long never ending journeys

In search of devilish escapades

This time the posse arrived

With a true legit treasure

Accompanying lava rats

Attempt to feast but their

Timing is ill-paced

Don't bother with the wee mortals

The statue strides toward the fountain

Steps thru the pool of harmony

Travels in and out of worlds

Combining as one small particle

Destined to provide maximum power

To all those who pass the Golden Doors

Transcending into an existence of light

Hark! What have the Angels found?

Muttering priests too scared to weigh in

Books fill the air

Giving hope and need to the wanderers

The sick become well with vigor

Just from a minor stroke of a hand

Fortunes sustain'd as his glory

Persuades actions of hierarchy

The councils weighs in

And declare this a false prophet

Our great messenger condemn'd By the very men he talk'd with

For whom were they taught?

The patron couldn't afford the bill

Just had enough for the meal

Yet couldn't cover the tax

The owner came out from back, swearing

Demanding the extra "or else"

The stranger offered the food back

Although it had already been eaten

Evidently that wasn't good enough

Because the next morning we all saw

Him swing from a tree, his tax paid

Drawing circles and spirals on air

Sighing instead of breathing

Side cheeks wet

Yet you never give notice

Mentally torturing yourself

As you think harder

Of why's and how's

But you hold on to that thin thread

As you lurk around

There's no sense in staring into space

And counting the stars

When you know

that your heart have stopped

And you already forgot to breathe

the clouds above California

have burned to waste

from their film

inward

thinking about

Hemingway while

I walk my dogs

thinking about

Ask The Dust

and Fante's

inimitable beauty

of language

and the way they both

went out

the beard ate a bullet,

and diabetes took

away the living heart

of Bandini,

took from him

his warm blood

that became mine

and many other

writers' reason

to keep pushing

the sky burning

blue

the fur of my

dogs getting warm

I stop and feel the

street and it's still

cool enough for

their little paws

and my warming

skin

watching the Sun

up high

and remembering

nothing at once

then everything at once

and across the street I watch

two yoga moms stretching

and bending

shoving it high up

from their palms

their shoulders

beneath a bright sky

devoid of clouds

ripped bare

of Bandini

and the

old man.