Once again,

I am sitting here writing with a broken heart.

I wish I could say I have healed from a year ago,

But I can’t.

I thought he would be different than everyone else.

I fell in love with him.

I guess you could call him a crazy man.

Yeah.. I guess I did fall for a crazy man.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t, cause without feelings.. I can’t get hurt.

I just want this pain to stop.

I want it to all go

Like everyone else in my life.

Maybe I am meant to be alone...forever.

“Welcome to the afterlife.” The grinning woman says to me as I opened my eyes. “How may I help you today?”

“What, you are you?” I say looking around. I’m sitting in a squeaky wooden chair in a room with tan colored walls. “Where am I?”

The woman sighs. “Let me guess another surprise death.” She types on a laptop with llama stickers on the back of her screen. “Yep, defiantly surprised. Cardiac arrest, you never saw it coming.”

“But I’m only 23.” I lean forward. “I was in the grocery store.”

She sighs. “You had an unknown heart defect since you were born. These things happen. Sorry dear.”

“But I’m getting married next month.”

She shrugs. “And your funeral is tomorrow. What’s your point?” She sighs. “Listen, I’m sorry. But I have a lot of new entrants I have to process. You need to decide.”

“Decide?” I say. “Decide what?”

“Where you want to go?” She types. “According to this you have three options. You can go to heaven…popular choice but boring. You can be reincarnated as a bird. I recommend a cassowary. Sorry, not enough Karma points to go back as a human. Or…”. She stops and her eyes go wide. “You have the option to become a reaper.”

“A reaper. Like be a skeleton with a scythe.”

She laughs. “My fat ass is defiantly not a skeleton.”

“You’re a reaper?”

She nods her head. “Let me tell you it’s not all fun and games. We process the new souls and send them where they need to go. Despite what Fox News tells you most people are the good sort and go straight to heaven. Sending people to hell is actually easier because only the baddie bads go there. Rapist, murders, wall street brokers… you know the scum of society.”

“Why am I allowed to be a reaper? What’s the criteria?”

“Let me see.” She smiles and types. “According to this when you were ten..you pushed a little boy out of the way of a passing car. You broke both of your legs..”

I frown. “I remember that. I was in the hospital for a long time but he was fine.”

“Right.” She says. “Only those who risk their own lives for others know the value of life. The choice is yours but you have to make it quickly. If you decide on being a reaper and change your mind you can alway do either of the other options.”

I stop to think. “So consequences for quitting.”

“None what so ever. It will give you something to do. How about a trial run?”

I stop to think. “Ok. I’ll try a trial run.”

She claps her hands happily. “Excellent. Good luck.” She snaps her fingers.

I am suddenly on the other side of the desk. A pink laptop is in front of me. I look at the back of the screen and theres a picture of a cassowary.

“Who are you? Where am I?” A voice says.

I look at the young man sitting on the chair in front of me. I smile and using my best customer service voice. “Welcome to the afterlife. How may I help you today?”

there’s no explaining this multitude of sadness. no known language can confidently invest in composing a definition for it and even my bones ache without answers. my heart bleeds out looking frantically for the location of the wound—finding nothing but the realization that it’s existence is an illusion: how can a heart hurt if it doesn’t even beat?

there’s no explaining this multitude of death.

Gemnah Maley Bray

I know  we would  have  been  perfect  together  and u knew  it  too.

I knew  you  had  faults  and you  knew  every  single  one  of  mine

but I waited  too  long

I waited  until  u talked  yourself  out of  loving  me

so much  that  you  stated  to believe that my faults were what defined  me.

And now u look  to another  and to her your love  is abundant ,

And you have no idea  how  much  it hurts me .

so I had to  move on, at least  I tried  but no one came close  to  being  you .

No one made my knees week with  that crooked  smile only u have,

And no one  made me laugh as loud.

It hurts  to  know  how  close  we were,

To having  everything  we dreamed of or a least  I did

So, I want you to  know  I gave my all but but I don't  think  u  gave  up anything 

And it's not fair that I'm the one who wakes up randomly  crying  because  I miss what we should  have been

I was dumb  but I can't apologise  for loving  you the way I did because  it made me grow and understand  things that I couldn't  have before.

If love is a

Prison

Then I plead

Guilty

And ask only that I

Serve a life sentence

-Genji

i lost life,

not mine, but yours and so mine too.

i didnt know then i was losing my morning,

and my every afternoon.

i didn't know i'd be left with never ending night,

without hill or valley.

i had no idea that heaven was just eternity with you...

and hell was forever without.

i didn't know the call of the sea could ebb,

or at least it would cease to call to me...

had no idea the hills that once sung would first muffle,

then mute,

then shutter in silence against silent gail of my broken heart.

if i had any idea this feeling could be real -

simply from a few missed dinners,

or a lot of them.

bad moods, and angry hang ups.

i'd say "i love you," every moment i had you.

whisper it in your ear so it could just be ours, and never say it flatly as a conversation ender.

not say those sacred words as an empty catch-all phrase,

why did i do that?

never say them without full-gratitude that i got to say them to you

and youd be looking back in my eyes

and returning my love -

and i'd get to be the one you said "i love you to"

i was your, "i love you."

when i lost you i lost all my i love yous.

and now i have none left.

#saveyourlove #romance #neverlethergo

I'm sitting here right now on the verge of tears.

I'm sitting here wondering when it'll stop.

I'm sitting here stuck in my memories just because of something someone did.

They touched me.. again 

It keeps sending me back in my memories. 

They won't stop flooding in. 

I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of not being able to protect myself. 

I'm tired of feeling alone.

I'm tired of not having anyone I can trust to talk too.

I'm tired of the memories.

You embrace the lust

You embrace the pain

You embrace it until tears fall like rain

You sit and wait for a calm in your a brain 

Wait so patient and still the silence drives you insane

You embrace the pain

You embrace the lust

You run toward the very thing that turns your heart to dust

Why do you set yourself up for a fall?

Go so deep your skin starts to crawl

Start to run but never get anywhere

The thought of going nowhere is too much to bear

So embrace it with every drop of tear

Embrace it...

You still have many more years.

And here we meet again

My friend Death and I

Always on opposite sides

Until one day you will come for me...

But, for now you have settled

On taking yet again

Another piece of my heart...

I rarely say, "I love you." 

But if I did...

If I were the type 

Inclined to such emotional eruptions 

And vocal expressions...

What would I say to you?

I would probably say 

It's been a long time since

I've been in love, thought I 

Or since I even loved

So long in fact

I'm not sure I know what love is anymore

Or if I ever really knew

But, if I even thought I loved someone 

I think it would be you.