11
Why am I awake at this hour? It is Eleven at night, you wake up in six hours… should you not be in bed?
Yes, I should be. But I am awake for a reason.
Maybe I am grieving, like I was about a month ago. Hoping, wishing, praying that, by staying awake, the reality I am living in would cease to exist and I would wake up with Bear rubbing his head against mine. Mewing when I did not pet him because I am too disoriented after being abruptly awakened.
Maybe I had a long day, and I did not get anything that I wanted to do accomplished. I am not doing anything now, I am probably stuck in a YouTube trap, but I am getting some me-time, and that is what matters. When I have a bad day, I do the same thing.
Maybe I am writing a song. My headphones are on. Almost every time I write a song, I am listening to a new song that I fell in love with on repeat. If I am writing, I probably messed up or did something I regret that day. But sometimes, like when LOST was released on Thursday, I have just been inspired. If I suspect any plagiarism, I erase the song. This has only happened once, because I write about my life and my regrets.
Maybe my best friend and I are having a discussion. We can talk for hours… so I probably will not be going to sleep until I look at my clock and realize that it is 12:30, and we have been texting since 8 P.M.
That is why I am awake at 11. I do not want to be awake at this hour (unless I am writing a song), but it is a coping mechanism. Odd that I have one. I am typically a pretty happy person, and being surrounded by people is enough to make me happy. Which is also odd. I'm antisocial and introverted. But things that do not make any sense about me is enough to write a book… there is not enough room in this.
How I describe distance
How can I best describe distance?
I can best describe distance like observing a photograph.
A photograph of any occasion from history.
It’s offbeat, that I crave to return to an era where I was never even heard of.
My inquisitiveness,
at how dinner parties were celebrated or
What a school day from 7:30 to 3:30 was like
When it was worth going to the movies
Or when prices at the store were low
Wait a minute,
I’m being nonsensical
How could I possibly miss decades that were never mine?
That’s what distance does to us
I suppose it makes all of us a little crazy
Just like longing for a lover
In a long distance relationship
Just like how the sea turtle asks for the ocean
Or the moon asks for the stars
The hummingbird asks for the nectar from coral honeysuckle flowers
So we too, as humanity,
Desire each other
This, then, is how I can best describe distance
#distance #relationships #history #poetry
Ode to the Monarch Butterfly
Monarch butterfly fly away,
take flight to the 3,000 mile journey unknown
Emerged from your shelter, displaying your transformation, how much you’ve grown
Monarch butterfly fly away
Orange and black wings laced with patterns like stained glass
Knowing that your migration journey will soon pass
Now monarch butterfly, you can rest
Knowing you gave it your very best
Monarch butterfly
Now alighting on open hands
Teaching delicacy and strength co-exist in perfect balance,
Indeed, nature’s most substantial command
salt water; a broken promise
Bitter coffee and sandollars
I think she just might love me
And we dance on warm water and
Drink sweet sodas in broad daylight
My father is dying, but life goes on
She explains that there is a light at the end of every tunnel
I think she is mine
My mother won’t speak to me, but I have always been a loner
Until her
Pigtails and valentines candy
The children dip toes into clear water
Life goes on
We live another day
In the land of lavendar petals and everlasting sun
It is the only time I forget how to run
She brushes my hair by candlelight and
The world disappears
She breathes like ocean tides
The rhythm lulls me to sleep in the heat where we lay, our hands clasped together
Forever
The salt water stains your skin
And I twist ragged twine into bracelets
You tell me the ocean tends to stick with you
Even when it’s gone
Especially when it leaves without goodbye
Tangled sheets and a tattered length of rope are all you leave me
In the double bed we shared
The salt washes away and the memories fade
And even then
I like to think you still cared
Schoolyard Drafts
In early September I said goodbye
To my friends and family and everyone I know
Our jackets, weathered and soaked, sheltered our weary, fidgeting bodies
And your leathered hands kept my pockets warm
October is cold, but your eyes are frigid
You closed the shutters to keep me out like a harsh breeze
I think you’re more than red cheeks and knobby knees
I think you’re everything
Everything to me
I like November most of all
I told you we’d all watch the leaves fall
But winter crept up one day
And all the colors melted like a rusty roof
Your smile stayed pink though, like summer strawberries
The snow settles in December, a thick white carpet
But then the dirt collects and everything is impure
You can see your face in the pond
The riverbank is perfect for snow angels
Two can fit longways near the high rock
January always brings bad news
Carries it in like wet firewood, disappointment evident
You’ll leave come February
And there’ll be nothing I can do
March goes quick, burns out early
I forget about April because you're not there
To fly kites and climb trees
You were always there for me
My pockets are empty, gone are the pretty pebbles you said smelt like stardust
No more room for promise rings and silver ribbons
A teary smile and you were gone
Did you even look back?
You were so much more than eyes like evergreen
And smile so bright and sweet
You were everything
...everything to me
Memory
The dust rolled past as I curved my back, trying to loosen my cramped muscles. Sweat spilled down my face, and into my eyes; blearing the long road ahead. An occasional tree would roll by and offer its ragged shade to rest under, but I could not stop for fear that I would get lost when my dad's red bike disappeared into the hazy outline of the desolate road, disappearing in the heat waves that lazely rose upward. I blinked.
Two hours of cycling for a normal person, even in the best of weather, will deplete one's strength. This was different though. This was Africa, where the sun beats down on even the strongest and drains the strength of those who attempt to challenge it. My Dad was also there cycling about ten metres in front of me. He would pass an occasional word of encouragement back whenever he got the chance.
Suddenly my bike hit a rock and I fell sprawling on the ground. I bellowed, as pain surged through me. I looked down. My leg had numerous gashes and blood mingled with sand, giving it a frightening appearance. I quickly looked up and gritted my teeth. Each thump off my heart released another wave of agony. My bike, carried by momentum rolled on for a split second, and then fell to the ground.
My dad circled around and came back to me. He looked concerned and yet his love for his firstborn shone through. He said something about how he wished it had happened to him, instead of me. He took a paper towel, and before I could stop him, poured his last remaining water onto it. A few drops fell onto the parched earth and quickly evaporated. I knew he must have been thirsty as I was; water was as precious as gold. Then he gave it to me and I began the tedious process of cleaning my injured leg.
As soon as I finished, my dad and I hopped on our bikes again. My leg still throbbed and every time I saw a rock I slowed down. I could hear our destination in the distance but it was almost half an hour until I finally saw a glimpse of the waterfall. We finally reached it. It was beautiful. Light sparkled on the water as it roared down the steep, water worn wall; crashing into the sharp rocks at the bottom. There was a small pool of water at the top of the waterfall, fueling the beast from the many mountain streams, trickling into the pool. My dad and I made our way to the top.
When we got to the top I was too tired to look up, and it was only after I caught my breath that I was able to raise my head. My breath stuck in my chest. Before me was a sight that took my breath away. It was like a painting; every detail distinct and clear, as if the scene had been frozen in crystal. Soft rays of sunlight seeped through the branches overhanging the water. The air was cool and brushed over me. Flat, moss topped rocks protruded from the still water. I reached down and slid my hand into the freezing water. It eased the pain from my raw hand. Delighted, I carefully started to wash my leg. Then my dad told me it was time to go and I reluctantly got to my feet. I cast a longing glance back as I picked up my bike and pedaled away.
fin.
Believe it or not.
You give my heart
an intergalatic ryhthm.
No subject is worth reading,
without you as the topic.
If I have not spent
the whole day thinking of you,
that day doesn't exist,
b'cos it hasn't happened.
What am I without your love,
if not an empty shell
brutally crushed by
the smiling sun.
A desertic wanderer
in the lushest of valley.
There are lots of holes
in which I could drink from.
It's you my soul liquors.
A shot of you
and I'm reformed
to ask for another,
while the latter still burns.
I need to get drunk,
make a fool of myself
just for your love.
My mood reactions
are unparalleled
in every instant.
'Cos I'm automated
to never stop loving you.
You're the only brand
my heart shelves.
If I don't restock
soon enough,
the bottle goes empty
like a volatile gas
escapes its prison.
I'm ready to believe
the bottle is not empty.
I shake it continously
placing my tongue
at the tip
until every drop
of you
make it to my whole.
Like an empty shell
I thirst again,
cursing the smiling sun
with my seven hands
and two fingers.
B'cos,
what am I without
your love.
If not a Hobo
on the midnight train,
that highlights at every stop,
but the train never me go off...
I keep going
like the time wouldn't come,
when the train would halt my sleep.
Loving you is a must....
not okay.
i'm sorry that sometimes i make you feel as if you're flying high but then the next thing i do is ripping your wings off and watching you fall
and i'm sorry that i can't pick up your pieces but i still try to pick up myself
i remember all the times when i asked you to tell me it's okay and you did, even though it wasn't
i remember when i broke your heart for the first time
and how you've let me break it again and again and again
and when one time i cried "enough" and told you to finally leave me
but you didn't
and i couldn't stand how you could stand me and i got so angry at you for not wanting to lose the weight of me
because honestly, i don't think you should love me, i always feel so lonely
and i think i'm ready to fight for us but everytime i pick up the sword it's pointed at you
so this is how it is
you were lying all this time because you see
that was not okay
hope this letter finds you in good health.