insecurity

festering beneath

blemished skin

comparable to

salt water

overflowing

my nostrils

and eyelids

attempting

to swim

in this bottomless

chasm

labeled

"disappointment"

a word

I've never grown

accustomed to

even though

she tore

my eardrums

apart

with her

repetitive usage

a word

I've never grown

accustomed to

even though

he spat it down

my throat

as his fingertips

scorched my cheeks

a word

I've never grown

accustomed to

even though

I've carved it

into my bones

carrying it

everywhere

I go

a simple

reminder

I've ceased my

futile attempts

at breathing

the ocean

begins gushing into

my scars

failure weighing

my body down

to the sea floor

ready to drown

I'm just gonna let myself miss you

I think it's probably okay

More acceptable then crawling back

I know I can never see you again

And my hearts aches

I miss things about you

The way you smell

The feeling of your arms around me

The safety you gave me

That is, until it all crumbled

We crashed and burned

A nuclear explosion

And tears couldn't extinguish the flames

Only distance could

Great, deep, immeasurable distance

So I am going to let myself miss you

Force each step I take

Forge my heartbeat so you think I can really live without you

I miss you

I'm moving on

But I still miss you...

-ashleyanne

A Faraday cage of daydreams is fraying

Faster and faster, rriipp! A tear!

Inspiration drags me out by chokehold

Pencil meets paper and it's a nuclear explosion

Colours are screaming, bursting in chaos

Word hurricanes rage through, but somehow nothing's destroyed

Limbs become ribbons, snaking in a trillion combinations

Sounds snips silence into snow angels

Gears shift and turn, no containing me now

Walls are struck down to build bridges

It's not on the calendar- spurs of moments

Can you embrace the spirit that none understand?

Don't think outside the box- annihilate it

No predicting where we can soar without limits

Banging on windows, mixing up yesterdays with tomorrows-

Take my hand and jump!

Everything is eating me alive

Yet I never die

There's nothing left over

I can't fill myself

I'm empty

And hollow

Can't you help me out?

I feel as though nothing is good enough

I stand to tall

I fall to short

I can't earn your love

And I can't buy your time

Nothing adds up

So I start subtracting

But I've gotten into the negatives

And I can't develop without the darkness

Stuck on repeat

Forever, the three steps

I can't break free

Everything is killing me

Everything is beating me

I feel my blood pumping through my veins

I feel every ache, every pain

Nothing makes it all okay

Am I worth fighting for?

Would you walk a mile for me?

I'm just a girl

Slowly dying

But I could bring you back to life

I keep waiting on an apology

That will never come my way

'Im sorry' it's really not so hard to say

Everything is eating me alive

And I'm not sure what parts of me are left

I spend my nights weeping

I spend my days pretending

And I'm spent

I'm broke

There's nothing left to fill me

I'm just a girl

Slowly dying

But I could bring you back to life...

-ashleyanne

death comes in all shapes and sizes

and I'm sorry mom

I'm really really sorry

the clouds are mourning us

and the rain doesn't feel the same anymore.

the house is destructive;

anxiety slicing into the room

like a razor blade kissing skin.

life really isn't fair,

and my prayers always start with,

"Why?"

and the tears have become a necessity,

without them,

something is wrong,

and I'm sorry mom

I'm really really sorry.

here's the thing:

we were always only ever half of an entity

and your arms never truly held me

more position than action

like holding hands with unlaced fingers

like kisses when your lips don't linger

the truth is we never were ever quite what we thought

and you were only ever just caught

We sat on the edge of the universe

In star lit Anaheim

Hating the county

Having a horrible time

Exhausted and lonely, I grabbed your hip

And in a passing moment of weakness

We kissed

I laid in bed that night shaking

Dreading the thought of waking

Guilt ridden heart a thudding bass drum

Afraid of the shit show to come

A soft skin sin under socal summer stars

Somethings decompressing

When we were undressing

But no ever gave out cigars

When you just give in to it

Youre never going to win for shit

Black Butterflies melt down to fears

Tears of joy remain to be tears

I sat outside on her porch

She told me she hated me

I hated myself, but i loved her

Poor decision and bad intuition it was wrong

And in a passing moment of weakness I wrote this song

I cried for weeks on end

My own wounds I had to mend

There was no excuse for my mistake

I hate that I made her heart break

He was beautiful.

Every color and everything.

Exactly as I left him.

But all this repair for nothing.

I can't be around you

Because I fall in love each time.

And I can't end up with

my soul mate.

You won't look at me long enough

To see that I'll look

you in the eyes now.

But I'm here and look at me!

I'm sick on you.

Lately, I've almost

reached for a phone

to call you.

I know your number,

I remember it.

And I remember that

You don't deserve my love

But here, have it,

It'll always be there.

And every time I see you,

I bite myself,

I can't end up with my soul mate.