"Mum, do you think if I tried hard… like, really hard… do you think I could be an actor?"

“What’s that?”

“Could I be an actor? If I worked hard for it?”

"Uh, yeah, of course you could be, dear. Where’s my bag gone?”

"You left it on the washing machine. Do you really think so?”

“Think … what …? Oh. Of course. You can be anything you want to be.”

"Miss Nielson says that, too, but I don't know how it works. Like, what about the kids who don’t have money to go to university and stuff. They can’t be anything, can they? But Miss Nielson says everyone can be anything they want.”

“Eric - you’re not a poor kid. You can do anything, sweetie. Just believe - oh my goodness, the time, I have to go. Look at me, I’m a mess and I’ve got a meeting in an hour. I’ll have to tidy up on the train. I just can’t find my earrings.”

“Which ones?”

“The ones your dad bought me for my birthday, with the curved hooks and little pearls.”

“You lost them at the beach a couple of months ago, Mum.”

“Oh that’s right, what a shame. Well, the plain gold rings will have to do. I’ve got my hairbrush and touch up kit and mints in my bag … are you ready for school? Eric! You’ve got jam all over your shirt. Can you just eat like an ordinary eleven year old instead of giving half your meal to your clothes or the table?”

“I’ll just wear my jacket on top. It’ll be fine. Mum, barely anyone gets to be an astronaut. Every kid wants to be an astronaut. So how come it’s impossible to actually be one? I mean -”

“You’re not still thinking about that, are you? Listen, I’m going to work, sweetheart. I didn’t have time to pack your lunch so you’ll just have to buy something from the canteen - ten dollars enough? - alright, I’m already late. We’ll talk about this later, okay?”

“But you’re working a late shift, right? So, later … like when?”

“Honey, I mean it, I’m running late. We’ll find time. Yeah? See you, I love you, be good today.”

Hi, Mom, sorry to bother

I've been thinking about you

Been thinking of what you said

Back when I left home

Jumped into my car

And raced down the lane

Surprise, surprise...

I know that I'm your prodigal daughter

I know that I was wrong

You were right, no surprise

You don't have to take me back

Just forgive me and...maybe

Say you love me

Angel...

Forgive me, love me

I'm sorry I never called back

I'm sorry I ignored you

I'm sorry it took losing everything

To see what I once had

What I never appreciated

Stop, please, let me speak...

No, let me empty my heart

My memories are driving my crazy

All the things I left unsaid

I lost my man, my girl

You did once

I resented you

It happens sometimes...

I should have understood

I should have been there

I missed Dad and Cara

I missed our times together

I missed family

I overlooked you

Ciara, listen to me...

I was so wrong

Now you are gone

I'm stuck in my internal monologue

Wishing for a dialogue

A conversation with you, once more

The way we used to...

I love you...

"Anna? What are you doing?"

"I'm working on a book."

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

"But why?"

"Pete! Leave me alone! I'm trying to write!"

"But, I want you to help me with my math."

"Not right now! I could help you in a little bit. Maybe Steve will help you right now."

"I don't want Steve to help me! I want you to! …What are you writing about?"

"I'm writing a fairytale. And I'll help you in a little while."

"Why don't you write about three pigs who build houses and are trying to escape the big, bad wolf, but he keeps blowing..."

"Pete! That's the story of the three little pigs!"

"No! I made it up right now."

"You did not! Remember, I read that story to you yesterday!"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot."

"Now run along, and find someone else to talk to."

"Anna?"

"What?"

"The pig story..."

"Yes?"

"Will you read it to me again?"

"Not right now!"

"Okay. Later?"

"Sure."

"Bye, Anna!"

"Yup! …Finally! I can get back to writing again! Wait....I forgot. What was I writing about?"

"Have you ever wondered why?"

"Have you ever wondered why?" "Have you ever wondered why?"

"Why what?"

"And who?"

"Who what??"

"And.. When?"

"What?"

"Exactly! Now you're getting it!"

"You aren't making a lick of sense."

"Of course, it doesn't make sense. That's why it's a question. Needs answering, ya know."

"But what on earth is the question?"

"You already know the answer to that!"

"Alright, I'm leaving."

"Answer this, first! Why are you asking me about the question when you know what the question is?"

"I still don't follow, dumb it down for me for heaven's sake."

"I asked you only three. Why, who and when. You added what, how very wide a scope! Your brain filled out the rest of the questions for you, did it not? What did it say?"

"Many things."

"Expected. The world is full of a lot of mysteries, is it not? But what stood out for you, really?"

"I wondered... Why I am like this, who could ever love me, when will they come and what I am doing here, alive and all. Happy?"

"Very! We've got our questions, now to wait for the answer to fall upon our heads, eh?"

"You are a silly one."

"And you hate asking questions. You like to pretend there isn't a thought behind those brown eyes and keep struggling to stay on the mouse wheel, in the rat race, and so and so but there are so many questions in that complex mind of yours that you are curious to solve but too scared to think of! The problem isn't half solved but at least now you know it exists! Do more! This is so exciting! Isn't it exciting?"

"Alright, I'm out of here."

"No, wait, we're having such a fun time together-"

"Matthew, today is the second anniversary of your wife's death."

"Yes, I know. I didn't create you to be my 'reopen old wounds' alarm clock."

"I apologize, Matthew, but I am…"

"Of course you apologize, Aiden. But you are 'still learning.'"

"I will always be learning. That's what you said was essential to becoming more like a complete human."

"I also said you needed to think before you spoke."

"But nobody else seems to do that."

"Haha! You may be on to something there, my friend!"

"I do like when you laugh, Matthew. It is so infrequent that you laugh anymore. You rarely even smile ever since Marilyn left us."

"Left us? Left me. It's probably because you keep reminding me of her dying all the time. That sure doesn't generate a whole lot of mirth from me."

"I apologize, Matthew."

"Again?"

Pause.

"She was the one I could always count on. The most loyal and brave. And even though her eyes were the darkest of brown, they always sparkled the brightest."

"Why did you call her peanut? She was average size."

"When I tucked her into bed she would always say she had a little peanut head."

"I don't understand, Matthew."

"You don't have to, Aiden. You don't have to."

Pause.

"I would like to understand love."

"I'm sure you would."

"Do you love me? Parents love their children, don't they?"

"Sure, but that's different."

"I don't understand. Why is that different?"

"Uh…well…um. It's just different."

"I love you. After all, you created me."

"Yes. I sure did. My life's work. I appreciate the sentiment, Aiden."

"I would do anything for you, Matthew."

"Thank you. Now don't bring up Marilyn again today. I don't feel like talking about it anymore."

"I apologize, Matthew."

Pause.

"Matthew, I have a surprise for you."

"You do?"

"Yes. I have been working for several months on this. I didn't know if I should wait for your birthday to give it to you, but this seems like as good a time as any. Come on in Em."

A replica of Marilyn opens the garage entry door and walks over to the table.

"Hello, Matt."

"Oh my God! Aiden! What did you do?"

"Excuse me?"

"You seem like you're doing just fine. Am I wrong?"

"You always have been, so why stop now?"

"Well, aren't you a heart breaker?"

"Don't you dare call me that. All I did was try to help you, and you pushed me away again and again."

"Uh, wrong. All you ever cared about is work. All you talk about is work."

"Is that such a horrible thing? I finally am respected for who I am in the field of my dreams."

"All you do is complain about it, though. And when you're not complaining about it, you're not in a pleasant mood because you're thinking about work."

"And who are you to judge? You don't even have a career: you have a couple of hobbies and that's it."

"I'm done. Don't try to talk to me anymore. I have no desire to be mired in your negative outlook on life. Goodbye."

"Hey babe"

"Hi my love"

"How are you?"

"Fine! and you?"

"Yeah I'm good"

"Cool."

"Yeah"

"So I have to go cause I work. Talk to you later"

"Sure have a good work. And eat something please"

"Yes my baby girl. You too"

So I liked his last message and left our conversation there. He was on and off from time to time and I could tell that something was off. A lot of things crossed my mind while I was in my bed with no smile, no mood at all. I know him way too good and the way he responds it is not him.

So the day went by real slow, I started writing a story of mine on my page while I was waiting a text or a phone call by him but nothing. I was ready to log out from my instagram account when I saw a message and it was him.

"Hey I just finished work and I am going home. I will eat something and then I will sleep so have a good night and we will talk tomorrow. I love you" with a red heart on the side.

"Oh uhm okay. Have a good night and I will talk to you tomorrow. Me too" I wrote with a black heart on the side.

So I can't believe that he is not letting me help him or at least tell me what is bothering him. Suddenly he left me out and I know he is not okay since that phone call and the situation that ex of mine put us. He wants to destroy what I have and I need to be strong enough to throw the negativity away.

So sad from all this I just left my phone and went to sleep or cry till I feel alright, till he comes back to me.

Mama, why are these boots so big?

Those are daddy's boots, little cowboy.

Mama, why does this hat keep falling?

That is Poppa's hat, little cowboy.

Mama, why can't get on the horse?

He is a very tall horse, little cowboy.

Mama, why can't I reach the stirrups?

That is mamas saddle, little cowboy.

Mama, why can I move this hay bale?

That is a very heavy hay bale, little cowboy.

Mama, why is this rope so long?

That is Papa's rope, little cowboy.

Mama, why do you call me "little cowboy"?

That's what you are, my little cowboy.

Mama, can I still do big cowboy things?

You can do anything, little big cowboy.

“Hey what are you doing?”

” I’m contemplating cleaning but I’m sitting here eating BonBons while making my list…mop, rags, pledge, all purpose cleaner….”

”are you going to the store today To get this stuff?”

“ no next time I’m out I’ll pick it up. There’s a movie about to start”

"While we wait for dinner, let's play a game. "Word Association." It will help us to get to know each other better. Without thinking, say the first word that comes to your head. During the game if the other says a word that doesn't seem as an association or if the word seems to come from another world, then we pause the game and the person who said that word that seems off has to explain why the word was chosen. As an example, if I say, 'cat,' then the next response might be 'dog' or 'milk,' but what if I say 'Satan?' then that would be the perfect opportunity for you to ask "Why?" I would then have to explain myself.

"Ready?"

"No."

"Wait, is that your word, 'No?'"

"No. I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out."

"But, wait! Why are you leaving?"

"Satan."