"You'll never guess what happened today."

Silence occurs where a response usually follows.

"Guess you're not feeling very talkative today."

You won't admit that you're feeling so hollow.

"Anyway, I got best grade in my class. And you thought I'd fail."

The wind whispers as if to fill in for the voice that is no longer there.

"I got a sticker for it and everything."

Tears slip down your cheeks as you grit your teeth and say it's not fair.

"If you don't come to school soon, you'll never catch up."

A harsh wind stings your eyes, though you can't tell if it's the wind or the tears.

"Oh don't be like that. We've been talking about some pretty cool stuff."

The last thing you'll do is give in to your fears.

"Do you want to just sit? We can just sit."

You're walking through life trapped in a daze.

"I really miss you, you know. You're a jerk for leaving me like this."

And you spend all your time all alone with a grave.

I don't miss the times when

I didn't believe in me

And didn't believe in you

And we were a fable.

I don't miss the times when

You were a best friend

And I was a good friend

Paralyzed and unable.

I don't miss the times when

You held my hand and laughed

Because it was funny.

Because it was a joke.

I don't miss the times when

I watched how I laughed with you

And you watched how I laughed

And laughed when I spoke.

I don't miss the times when

I wake up to you

With your hand on my arm

And I'd shift away out of fear.

I don't miss the times when

You'd talk to me truthfully

When you thought I was sleeping

And I'd pretend not to hear.

I don't miss those times

Because now is so much better

We're afraid still, that's for sure,

But not of each other.

I don't miss those times,

Because now is the future

That I dreamed of, when I'd finally

Greet you as a lover.

"I can stop at any time." These words felt truthful as I was muttering them. Deep down though, I knew that this was a lie. A lie I've been covering myself up with like a blanket. It keeps me warm and safe at night. It shields me from the full honest truth, that I'm not ready to discover yet.

My mom just glared at me in disgust. "Wow, are you in that much denial that you actually believe that? You do realize that your not fooling anyone around here--besides yourself."

I try to shake off the words she's telling me, but any trace of denial has diminished from my body and I know she's right. I am in too deep to quit. I am stuck with this life that I've chosen for myself. I am fucked.

Writing words for the ones I've lost,

Still believing that they're with me,

Not wanting to accept the fact,

That they left,

And took my heart with them.

Sitting in the silent room,

Wishing there was someone there with me,

Even if just to talk to;

But apparently,

I've worn out my welcome,

And now I'm realizing how quite it is all alone,

Wishing that they hadn't left me.

- Michael Hall

No, no, no.

Wrong.

I'm just a hypochondriac- trusting internet articles is a foolish move.

Laughable.

And who says my mind is all that smart?

(Forgetting the fact I'm right about people's desires has suddenly become increasingly difficult.)

It's PMS, all these hormones don't let me think and constantly clog up my thoughts even though my underwear was stained yesterday.

(Science goes out the window when I want it to and supports me when I need it to.)

It's just a innate need to be special, I've always had fantasies of grandeur.

(What kind of person asks to be a freak?)

I don't care about logic or truth or facts, I'm right!

Because I said so!

No, no, no, no, no, no, No NO NO-

Yes

The sky crumbles to shards.

You see my face, all happy and warm. You are in denial of the pain I once wore.

Rejection was my battlefield, I would yield jokes to cover up the pain.

Scars of inner shame have burned their way through my sinew leaving all exposed.

My rising above my circumstance was a crawl through burning ash. My mind whirling with hate. Nothing rash or competent could enter with the smoke looming around me.

Drowning in my own sea of self doubt.

I could scream and shout the demons swarming my mind would laugh and heckle in my own demise.

In my pain I thought I was wise.

Through blood and sweat and empty promises and threats; I made it through the mire.

An acrobat on a thin thousand high wire. Determination was my balance stick.

My despair nightly thick as blackness crawled inch by inch, swallowing every fairy size candle in my heart.

Ever reaching for a new start.

Every girl has a knight. To not be deceived, there is valid truth seeds of love in every fairy tale told.

The first came on a cross died so brave and bold. There is confusion and mockery on this event. To me non-relevant. He waded through my mire muck. Helped me see the princess in myself, when the world tried to put me on the shelf of disdain. His love for me will ever reign.

My second knight, yes I have two. His love came at a time when care and hope had walked out of the secret crevices of my heart. I was sure I would lie in the Sahara of my mistakes. Then my soul was shaken.

Awaken to the love of a mortal man? I cursed them all. Wanting all of them to be damned. I could not resist.

He missed not a detail in my truth. Was not cruel or uncouth. He took me as I am.

I will forever be a little lamb to both of them.

There is so much denial in our world, truth has such a tiny voice, through the good and the bad, if we listen close, we will all unfold in the glory of light like the rose.

(This is not about a DJ)

When my mouth opens an argument ensues

I tell you how things really are, but the belief is refused

You see the story in your head, you've told yourself many times

Is far more convincing to your jury, than the evidence that I find

You judge my words, and use weaker links to the past

You spit out your dizzying rebuttal, this is no match

I'm on trial, regardless of what's done

You're not God, but with my heart you could be one

You listen unwillingly, raising your voice here and there

As if the point you had was spent on deaf ears and mind scarce

You cause me confusion between emotion and logic

Which just goes to show, that before it began, I knew I had lost it.

There was never any being right with you, because I was just simple

I hated argument, because all it did was enrage and cause pain in my temples.

But you always pursued these little skirmishes a-constant.

Now that you're gone, wonder why I'm despondent?

You denied me the feeling of being good enough at all

you're not the only one, so it's not just your pitfall

You denied me justice, to which I'm afraid

I won't deny your sentencing, when it comes to that day.

I could have learned all the ways to love you, but you were too busy kissing the kind of girl who isn't beautiful, she only knows how suffocate a room so all they see is her.

And I would talk about it more, but I am trying to figure out how I can successfully vomit my heart from the pit of my stomach, and where I will destroy it because I won't need it anymore.