tell me what happened

he wouldn’t let go

what was he doing?

he clasped his hand over my mouth

chained my hands to the bedpost

& closed the lights

did you tell him no?

i tried

and he said?

to call him 'daddy'

did you?

i did

why?

it seemed almost natural,

easier even,

to call him the person that did the same thing to me

every night after Mom had gone to bed

why did you never tell anyone?

because i deserved it

just a body

made to be used

and thrown

darling, no.

i have been taught that

love means hate

and maybe

that's the only kind of love

i'll ever get

Hey!

...hey

It's been a long time.

Yes it has

... How have you been?

It doesn't matter how I've been

Yes. It does, it really does.

...

You're not going to ask me back?

No.

Do you even care?

no.

... do you miss me?

n o

Well. I guess we can make this meeting more professional then to make you .. comfortable. Your trial is coming up soon. You need to start getting things ready or else you're going to jail.

...

So you don't even care about that anymore, huh?

...

What about life? Do you care about that?

...

So why did you call me here in the first place?

...

Alright. alright. okay. i'll leave then. but know this: I'm not doing alright. I care probably too much about you. I miss you deeply. I care that you don't go to jail and I care that you exist in this world... so, I'm sorry that you don't. And I hope that you find whatever you're looking for, dad.

Hey can we start working on the project?

Sure

Okay lets do this fast I want to go out later

Gotcha

Why are you taking so long? Why cant you just write so we can be done? Stop wasting time.

What if I want to work on this more.

Why would you want that? I wanna finish so I dont have to work with you anymore.

What if I want too work with you?

No you dont, you hate me

...Right.

12/17/18

"I'm here! I'm ready to listen! Jessica please! I want another chance!"

"No, you can stay out there and freeze to death for all I care, you didn't understand then and you won't understand now!"

"Please Jessica! I swear I'll hear you out! Before... I was just... I was just frustrated with everything that was going on."

"Well, I don't care. Beat it you self-centered skunk."

"I'm sorry... ok? I'll do whatever you want, I just want to be with you."

"You're lying to me, just like you always do."

"No, I swear! This time things will be different!"

"You're just saying that!"

"No, really. Also, I'm open to whatever it is you were talking about before we fought."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes, babe. I do."

"Ugh, you're unbelievable! Do you actually care about me or not!?"

"I do, before I just let my anger get the best of me You're the one that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Swear?"

"Swear... there you go."

"I'm only gonna let you in if you promise to hear me out."

"Yes, I promise."

"Then, come on in."

"Thank you... Now, what was it that you were trying to explain to me?"

"I'm... I'm a witch."

"Really? Did I waste my time coming here and apologizing just so you could mock me with games?"

"You promised to hear me out!"

"I promised to listen to the truth, but if you don't think that I deserve that much then I guess I'm out of here!"

"Jason, please listen to me!"

"Go find someone else who can tolerate your weird life, I'm done trying to accomdate to it, and I'm done making excuses for you!"

"Jason..."

"No, just leave me alone will you, you've given me enough trouble for one night."

"Slytha."

"What... what's hap..."

"I knew you wouldn't listen, and you've made me very angry. You shoudn't have come back."

Him: You know I love you

Her: That's why you can't leave

Him: That's why I have to

Her: I don't understand

Him: You have a successful life ahead of you. You're so smart. So strong. So capable. I can't hold you down. I can't hold you back. You have to leave me behind so you can be happy.

Her: You're the reason I am all those things. You're the reason I'm happy. You're the reason I strive to be great.

Him: I can't stay here and you can't follow me and I can't follow you

Her: You'll forget about me

Him: Death can't make me forget about you

~Ten years later~

Her: Hey! It's me.

Him: Who are you?

A: i think I’m depressed.

B: oh. Sorry to hear that. Depressed about what?

A: what’s not to be depressed about.

B: well..give me a clue.

A: my nose is big.

B: so what? My nose is big too.

A: just an example.

B: an example of what?

A: my being depressed..(sighs)

B: oh yeah...well what else?

A: i think don’t have a large penis.

B: look...I’m not going to check.. but Lydia talked to me yesterday, she is always nasty. Your name never came up. I promise..

A:doesn’t prove anything.

B:sure it does. If there was something bad to say, she would say it. And...

A: how would she know?

B:you guys were together for a while.

A:never did anything. Were.

B:what?

A:were.

B:were what?

A:were together. Past tense. We WERE together.

B:ah...sorry.

A:so anyway...

B:you’re depressed.

A:yes.

B:want to tell me more?

A:I may be gay.

B:why do you think that...i mean, it’s perfectly ok if you are.

A:not in my position.

B: why do you think your gay, anyway?

A:i had this dream.

B:so... Dream about a guy? It’s normal. Everyone gets ambivalent sometimes.

A:I’m gay, i have a big nose and a small Johnson. I’m so depressed.

B:you really are getting strange. You can pick out anything to be depressed about. From all the things, this is what you chose? Not even bad things.

A:so things like what?

B:no. Not going to help you wallow. Let’s get a drink. Or is that too depressing for you too?

A: it is, actually. I don’t think i should.

B:medical reason?

A:no. I just feel everyone laughing at me down at the pub. Even Ernie.

B:Ernie laughs at everybody.

A: not at you he don’t.

B:he feels ashamed . you know...

A:what?

B:oh...you know...you know..

A:no i don’t.. what happened? Show me on the doll wherebthe mean guybtouched you..

B: fine...remember my dog?, Schwarzenegger?

A: yeah...poor guy...

B:Ernie did that.

A:shut up!

B:yeah...with his fucking Mazda.

A: i thought he had a VW?

B:yes...ever since...

A:geez...sorry. I didn't know. Fine..let's go get a drink. I just brought up that thing.

B: no. No...it's ok. You're depressed, happens to everybody.

A:you know what? I was really wrong about all these things. So what if i have.. If I'm... You know...

B:exactly. It's not the thing that makes you depressed it's the depression that gives you the things To Be depressed about.

A:and what if I'm really gay?

B:it's ok. You'll be ok. Just don't be such a let down and someone may actually like you.

A:what do you mean 'let down'?

B:did i say let down? I meant something else...eh..

A:no. You said let down. I disappointed you somehow.

B:i didn't mean anything even remotely like that.

A: yeah you did. I'm a let down for you.

B: ough. Listen you're just running around in circles, trying to justify why you're feeling depressed.

A:no I'm not. I'm running in circles trying to find out what did i do, that dissapoints you so much..

B:you didn't and don't catch me at my words like that.. Becau..

A:because they show me who you really are?

B:what!?

A: you know what i mean! Everytime you hit a moment where your rational clashes with how you really feel you get these slips.

B: no I don't.

A: oh. You just protested that I'm catching you at your words. Catching you with you're pants down. Stop hiding, and tell me.

B:really?! Is that what you want? Is that what you really want?!..Mr 'boohoo...I'm depressed... Boohoo ...i think I'm gay..' Actually, i did have a Freudian slip. You're not a let down. You're just a drag, Buddy. Get your shit together. If you can't do it personally, then you can come to me. But it's 2 o'c-fucking-lock in the morning. I just have another three more hours to go before i need to get up. You whine, and you don't even have the decency to go have a drink?!

Shave!, get a job!, get out there.. Boy or girl is both fine...just do stuff. Don't ...drape your self over the sofa and eat yourself up, like you do.

A:geez, i didn't know I'm pissing you off so much. I was feeling terrible, and i was thinking i could talk to someone... You know...instead of eating some pills. But excuuuuuuse me for living...(starts to walk away)

B:hang on, hang on...look. Come in. Let's get that drink...talk about stuff.

A:don't do me any favors.

B: no. I'll even order pizza if you want. We'll sit and talk...

A:i think you're so full of it..

B:no. Just suddenly hungry. Come in. It's cold.

A: hungry for pizza? Now? Two AM?

B:greasier the better. Meat lover's...

A:oh..fine...Actually ...it does sound good suddenly in a sleazy kind of way..but I'm paying for the pizza.

B:of course you are. Just don't ...yeah..here you go again..are you ok? you always hit your nose on the doorframe..

"You know, right? What you have to do?"

"Of course, I know."

"But then again, you've known what needed to be done. For a long time, and still, you haven't done a single thing."

"I know...But-"

"No. No 'buts.' It's time to end this. Now, are you going to keep letting that bastard do whatever he wants? He's made you suffer, turned your life into a living hell. Will you let him continue?"

"No, no more! I'm done!"

"Great. We're in total agreement, then."

"But how will I do it?"

"Well, he's hit you, hurt you on a daily basis. So you should know all about how to hurt another person, right? Pick up the knife."

"Alright."

"We'll do this. Together."

"And this time, he'll be the one who suffers."

J: It’s agony.

B: I know.

J: What do you mean you know?

B: I know.

J: How could you know? You weren’t there.

B: Even though I wasn’t there, I’ve had to let go as well.

J: I shouldn’t have let go. He was my friend. He was my brother.

B: You had to.

J: No I didn’t.

B: Yes you did.

J: No...

B: It’s ok. It’s not your fault. You did everything you could to save him.

J: He was a fool! He always put himself at risk.

B: Yes, but he was never selfish.

J: No he wasn’t.

B: If he didn’t sacrifice himself, you both would have died.

J: Then we should have died together.

B: That would have been a true catastrophe. He was a hero.

J: But where did it get him? Where did it get us? Now we will never know what was inside.

B: You are also a hero.

J: What are you talking about? We failed! I failed! It was all for naught!

B: You still think the whole mission was a failure? This is about the survival of mankind. He knew what he was getting into when he began this journey many years ago. I’m certain he would have done the same thing if given the chance. He has awarded you another purpose. He ceased his story so you could write another chapter in your chronicle. In our chronicle. In the chronicle of man.

J: We were out there for seventeen years. And all we have to show for it is a corpse floating in space.

B: John, are we not standing on the surface of a planet in the Andromeda galaxy? We have just begun our search...

“How much time will I have?”

“Seven minutes, from the time you enter the building to the time the alarm goes off.”

“Seven minutes? I can’t work with that.”

“The job doesn’t accomodate the slow. I can always send for another guy.”

“No. You don’t neeed to do that. I can make seven minutes.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll just... move extra fast, right?”

“Still be careful.”

“Of course. Always.”

“You seem nervous.”

“Excited, more like it.”

“No. I’d call it nervous.”

“Can we get on with this? The sooner I get in, the sooner I get out.”

“Your intellectual ability continues to astound me.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“I’ll be whatever I have to be. And I expect you to be the same.”

“What’s that?”

“An in-and-outer. It’s what we call people like you. At least the good ones.”

“And the bad ones?”

“They usually get in, but getting out is another story.”

“So what happens to them?”

“We leave. Screw them.”

“So I guess this is the pep talk that’s supposed to encourage me.”

“Quite frankly, I don’t care about you. I care about the job. If you can get the job done, then sure, I’ll care about you.”

“Conditional love... I get it.”

“Then get on with it.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

"Why you cryin', boy?"

"Mama, it's my birthday. You said you wasn't gonna drink today. For me. You said we was gonna go to the park. You, me and Dani. You promised, mama."

"Don't you be tellin' me what I said, boy."

"Ooooow!"

"Now see what you done, boy! Made me hit your sister with that glass. I'm gonna beat you boy! Making your sista' cry like that."

"But mama...Mama! Don't!"

"I hate you, boy! You hear me! I hate you! You ain't nothin' and ain't never gonna be nothin'! It's your fault we stuck in this dirty piece of shit hole. Weren't for you, I'd be a famous movie star by now. I'd be somebody...Why the hell we gonna celebrate your sorry ass coming into this world. You ain't been nothin' but trouble since you was born."

"Mama! Please! Stop! Mama!"

****

"Well, go on then. Get up. Change your clothes and put something clean on your sister. We best be going to the park while it’s still light out."

"Boy? You hear me, boy?"

"He's not moving, mama."

"Boy, stop your playing. You better get on up off that floor now if you wanna be going to that park for your birthday."

"Boy?"

"Mama?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Teddy is bloodin'."

"Oh baby. What I gone and done? What I gone and done?"