There is nothing sweeter than...the taste of her lips

There is nothing sweeter than...her scrumptious apple pie

There is nothing sweeter than~ a case of cadbury chocolate

There is nothing sweeter than~ hearing her laugh

There is nothing sweeter than..seeing her smile

There is nothing sweeter than..knowing that she is mine

There is nothing sweeter than- being by her side

There is nothing sweeter than- waking up right next to her

There is nothing sweeter than listening to her soothing voice

There is nothing sweeter than her.....

#NoneAtAll!

Strangers on the train

exchanging lusty glances

stir inner desire,

summer imagination

lost in roar of train.

Feeling clearer

than sun’s betrayal,

I still feel

his whispers inside.

I am a woman

with no face,

fleeting shadow

where I once bloomed

in the garden

where he now lies.

Waking up desolate

where I once roamed,

stumbling across fields

of spellbinding bleakness,

seeing darkened eyes

of indefinite color.

I finally realize

that he flies free

sheltered and cushioned

from life’s travails.

At last, I can blossom

ready to soar

I know he is

there

waiting for me,

pooled in jewels

of liquid chemistry,

wandering in tranquility

through uncharted paths

floating blissfully

in unknown world,

circling around

the sleepless moon -

superficial husk

many miles

down the road,

remembering

life before death

as I sip his aura

of promise

of life after death.

Lately I have thought a lot about what the word "love" even means. I thought I knew what it meant. Meaning the sterotypical want and need for a person to be in your life. Recently I learned the hard way that this was just not the case. So as I continue to think of what this broad but specific term could possibly mean, I figure something out. No one will ever truly understand love. People judge who or what you love. People say that there are wrong or right things to love. People judge how you love anything. Love will always be confusing to me. I do understand one thing about love; there is no right or wrong.

I just miss you, is all. I miss us. I've made many mistakes in these past several months, said many things I wish I could rescind, been misinterpreted and misinterpreted you for drastically terrible results. I've imagined things I could only dream of saying to you, of things you could say to me, of how we could appreciate and love each other in an unreachable and idealistic yet utterly picturesque manner. I've held so much in, and let so much out. And despite all that, I'm still plagued by turmoil, by doubt, depression, anxiety, fear. Guilt. I've hit all time lows and felt ways I'd hate to experience again.

You've been there for me, despite all the negativity, the pessemism, the emotion. And it only throws me further into a downward spiral of self-hatred and worthlessness. You are the reason I keep the blade from my neck that you put into my hands. You are the drug and I the addict. You are a poisoned cure. And I am tentative to seek alternative treatment.

It upsets me to no end that in trying to get closer, I've only seperated us further apart. In bridging a gap, a caused a fissure, and I can only hope that it might narrow with time. Talking with you now is always a fearful encounter, and one I now avoid if possible. Until I am forced to converse or the hell in my head screams so loudly that I can't help but release it, I favor silence, that I migh not confirm my fears of your disdain, or have you think even less of me than I fear you already do. I'm stuck, slave to my inner assumptions, casting out any shreds of reality I might have left, succumbing to paranoia and despair.

But even now, I try to make amends, I desperately wish to, and yet I'm not even sure if such apologies are expected, or needed. This inner conflict is likely a war compared to the real situation, and yet I can't tear myself from it. I simply hope we can reconcile, reunite, and rejoice. No matter the pain, loving the you I've seen is something I doubt I could ever end, and your genuine and unique friendship is one I would be remiss to lose.

I just don't want this to continue in endless circles. I want peace, inner and interpersonal. I want joy, camraderie, content, happiness. I only hope beyond all odds you might allow me the chance. One favor more, that's all.