chaos
trapped in my own mind since 11
it was always just me and him
the night terrors since i was 7
my dark passenger has to win
he calls him self chaos
he’s my partner in crime
he’s taken over my body
it’s only a matter of time
are you ready to meet him?
for he’ll soon abide in you
a letter to the innocent
just run you fool
he lives in all our hearts
calls himself greed
every-time you look at a neighbour with envy
you allow him to feed.
he lives in our minds
calls himself hate
every time you get angry
goes another victim he ate
he controls all my actions
doesn’t allow me to smile
instead i must be quiet
or he’ll take over for a while
help me escape him
he’s taking over me now
i’m lost in my mind
his voice is getting loud.
now i’ve become consumed by his antics
and lost in my demise
so someone send help
for chaos has arrived.
nearing the end
the depression took over his brain first
his body followed after shaking violently
everytime he closed her eyes
the devils face stared back
he’s become the embodiment of evil
intrusive thoughts controlled him
making him distance himself from everyone
looking for a way out
the only way he knows out
is alcohol and drugs
so he searches for relief
but instead throws away his life
now the only way out for him
is a noose of rope around his neck
one end tied to a bridge
the other end pulls tight as he leaps
is he in a better place now
at least he’s no a burden
other can be happy now
they’re better without him
runaway
i need a break from this life
of constant pain
so i take to the streets
3am strolling down main
i see a homeless couple
rummaging through the trash
coveting every piece of garbage
and adding it to their stash
there’s blood on the wall
someone died here
will i be next
i look at them in fear
he has two pills on his leg
they each take one
i’m overwhelmed with pity
in the darkness i wait for the sun
as the sun rises up
people are on their way to work
a sea of unfamiliar faces
yet the homeless still lurk
people pass them by
paying no attention
i realize they’re all ignorant
by the true definition
try and spend a night
on the downtown streets
i bet you’ll be amazed
by all the people you meet.
i know i changed
seeing their pain
so next time i’m out
i’ll be on main.
a 3 minute rant
his mind fell into the hollow cave he called love once again, hoping for a different outcome this time.
but he knew after a while his mind would attempt to will his heart to stop beating and he’d fall back into this thing defined as depression.
what the point in trying to be happy, always smile to make a good impression, things will get better over time is starting to fade in the background like how you ignore a ticking clock at night your mind grows used to it and you stop paying attention to it. you begin to realize maybe things won’t get better, maybe your stuck in this rut. but when you feel stuck your mind goes to the one way you know out. Grab a rope form an s from right to left leave a loop around your neck tied to the roof kick out the chair, a hangman’s noose.
find the bottle don’t exceed 2 take a dozen and than 4 more, always living life looking for an escape suicidal since grade 6. fuck. FUCK. i hate these mental scars you left behind, my dad told me girls find scars attractive, i think he met on the outside, i don’t know how anyone could fall for my scars how i shake uncontrollably when i hear her name, or how i feel knifes in my head and not the normal pain, it’s fine though all these levels of psychosis makes it impossible to feel okay... except when someone’s ask me how i am for some reason i still say okay. i’m in love right now but i know i’ll never be the same, so i’m just waiting for the chair to slip and the rope to draw taught, and free me of my pain.
little did you know
she tried checking my google search history, expecting to find porn or that i was looking at other girls.
she got mad when i hid it from her and wouldn’t let her see, assumed she wasn’t good enough for me, i didn’t want her to see that the last thing i searched because it was how many pills of my mothers prescription could kill me.
it would kill her to know how badly i wanted to die, so i hid the smallest things from her and she told me i never tried. i’m sorry but this depression has taken all of my energy darling, and i’m not equipped to help another person right now, distance yourself from me before i finally drown, because i’ve been treading water all my life and i’m forgetting how to swim, so stand on the shore and don’t you dare jump in
Entrapment
I’m throwing up flowers,
I’m bleeding out leaves,
The Vines, they crawl, suffocating me
The smoke coming from my ears,
Fogs my spiderweb threaded head,
And the Flames,
Lapping at my roots,
Destroy nothing but my last hopeful shred
Wish-wash and pan at the river,
Hopeless highs doomed to die,
I counted my seasons,
Failed attempts to wither The Vines,
I should have payed closer attention,
To my fertilizer supply.
you
trapped inside your eyes my mind wanders to the contents of the universe how in one instant you can see something more beautiful than the sun kissing the horizon exploding the sky with colours of wonder, more beautiful than water falling off an ancient mountain creating mist that sends rainbows throughout the sky.
and than i snap back when you ask me why i’m staring at you, i apologize and smile for i couldn’t explain the wonders i see inside your eyes or you would think i’m mad, i couldn’t explain how when i look into your eyes and hold up your face, i swear i can see the infinite starts that stretch across time and space.
i guess i’ll have to wait to tell you, when you’ve realized my brain, for now i must wait and watch, till your ready to hear these things.
Something Black & Blue
I wore bruises to my wedding.
No dress.
I wore my blood as chains around my wrists.
I wore a pregnant belly and dark circles beneath my eyes.
I wore my hopelessness like a scarlet letter.
I wore my white flag of surrender.
I wore ink on paper as a prison cell.
Or at least that’s how it felt.
All I know is that there was never any dress.
#EndTheSilence
lost dreams
lost dream.
you and me.
me and you.
us.
what used to be
was sugar and spice
and nothing nice.
we used to wander the halls,
lost alone but found together.
turns out,
i was wandering,
but you were searching.
i was endlessly empty,
but you were finding fulfillment.
then you found it.
and now i roam the streets
clutching a lost dream
of us.