I touched the divine and let it rot me inside out,

looked at the man and knew I could be more

with my hands mudstained and bloodstained;

Creon, you know your delusions will destroy you.

Blind crone of a mother gave me the blood in her veins and said,

“You will die for nothing, but the hopeless will make you their saint.”

Take the wedding veil and the noose;

they serve the same purpose,

Haemon your sword will save no one but yourself.

Hate the father more than yourself, hate the self you were moulded to be,

it’s still love even if it’s only found in the grave.

Hate the father that sees you as a tool,

Hate the father that gave me that stone heart;

I know my brother didn’t love me but I was divine.

I could rise above conflict with my knees in the dirt.

Sister of mine forever stuck in dawn,

another girl that could only offer words not hands not bone.

You will die for nothing.

In nothing I am eternal.

Death is divinity is more than these sun-bleached bones--

I bury my wretched brother, another victim of our crime scene life

let the guards shackle me before Creon, king of men but not women.

Antigone is remembered with the gods’ hands on her shoulders,

Justice rising in her throat and Mercy in her broken fingernails.

Antigone dies and lives eternally;

stubborn martyr of a girl who should have known better.

We need sunshine from a bottle,

strength from a dream,

Life from a radish,

and hope from a scream.

We see our world crumbling into metal sprinkles.

This world is flatlining from catastrophe,

It never formed a shape from our thoughts.

Is this the way it has to be?

the world ended,

     a long time ago,

             and we weren't ready for it;

                              truth is, i didn't ever think it'd come to this.

                                           so before the plague comes and kisses you harshly

                                                          let me confess my feelings for you sincerely:

                                           it started as an 'i think it love you'.

                              we met as kids; where nothing lasts longer

             than our temporary tattoos.

     and yet, i fell-pulling down

you with me, toward a curse.

call us star crossed lovers,

     and then we'll pain the universe

             with our bare hands and naive minds;

                              thinking that forever lasts a long long time.

                                           though i love my father (naturally), i'd still leave him

                                                          because every fiber of my being burns for you.

                                           your hair smells better than roses,

                              your freckles i wish to connect like stars,

             your eyes that shine like hundreds of suns,

     and million other things i truly love about you.

all these feelings are true.

i'll promise hundreds of

     lifetimes, with this one and the next

             if you utter my first name on your last breath,

                              since that's only we should us to call one another,

                                           'cause we shouldn't share names with families

                                                          who can't stand the thought of us girls together.

_____________________________________________________________________

So let's see if you noticed the Romeo & Juliet line references:

When I said, "if you utter my first name on your last breath, / since that's only we should us to call one another, / since that's only we should us to call one another" I was referencing Shakespeare's lines, "Deny thy father and refuse thy name, / Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love."

When I said, "your eyes that shine like suns" I was referencing Shakespeare's lines, "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? / It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."

When I said, "call us star crossed lovers" I was referencing Shakespeare's term of "star-crossed lovers".

When I said, "but before the plague comes and kisses you harshly" I was implying that Juliet was going to die, which references Shakespeare's line, "A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life."

Then of course there's the whole similar plot thing where they can't be together and in love and so young and yeah.

weeks before the tsunami coiled around japan’s lungs,

the skies in dubai changed. february always seduced

fat clouds in the middle-eastern spring; the kind that

reminded you of cotton candy and glazed croissants.

but that year, the clouds were galloping. virgin gusts

of godly breath, they resembled snow angels torn to

shreds. it was enough beauty to bring a grown man

to his pagan knees. but i? i knew. i knew something

was horribly wrong, that something was going to

change forever.

silence

then—

anarchy. the kind that kept children shivering for

weeks under thickets of decomposing sakura. the

kind that birthed and buried mangled human limbs

in baptist compost pits. the kind that noah renounced

hundred years of his life to build an ark for.

the kind that spawned slick turmoil in its wake,

and changed the skies of a land millions of

miles away.

#poet #poetry #poems #sadness #depression #napowrimo #tsunami #japan #earthquake

I’m not who they think I am

I’m not who I think I am

I can’t be who they think I am

I can't be who I am

because 99% of the time

I

have

no

clue.

Her knees kiss the earth

as her calloused yet gentle hands

rips open her white shirt

exposing her vulnerable foundation.

Heavy breaths coat the night

soft whimpers escape her mouth.

It seems like too much

but it was hers to bear

and hers to release.

Rhythmic thumps and long sighs

under the chest

(this is what it feels like to hold cosmic light

in the veins and a heart exposed to gamma rays)

Warm tears paint the grass under her knees

as her heart chakra

opens…

Revealing the mark that has been birthed

throughout many lifetimes

just to die to

seed the galaxy

(she carries it well)

A pulsating white light

forces out of her chest

towards the graveyard of orbs in the night sky.

A scream echoes

and a beautiful pain

vibrates the earth.

Her love illuminating the galaxy

One

More

Time

(the final breath of a dying star).

Who knew COVID-19 would be a reason for me to take the long-dreaded trip down memory lane?

Yet here I am, looking at old photos,

even ones from last year,

and tears are pouring down my face.

Not because I had a bad childhood

Not because any part of my life was particularly traumatic

but because it was so good.

I always miss the before

as soon as it’s after

I always want to go back

as soon as I leave

because I don’t know how to let go

because I don’t want to let go.

I grasp at the strings of the past

holding me together

tying my life in a neat bow

that is slowly unraveling

piece by piece.

I miss what used to be

what could have been

what never will

I miss the opportunities I never had

because maybe I could have had them

if I tried harder

I am scared of the future

because I can see everything stacked in front of me

high school

college

job

L-I-F-E

and I don’t know how to face that.

The past is easier

decisions made for me

but soon they won’t be

soon my orchestrated life will fall to chaos

because the decisions I foisted on other people

will be left to me

and that’s the scariest prospect of all.

Memory lane is so saddening

because the memories remind me of good times

that will never exist again

only in my mind

that the only thing existing now is moving forward

going forward

hurtling into the unknown too fast for me to catch up

until my tired legs will have no ground left to run on

until I will be a control freak that finally lost control

and instead of picking up the broken pieces of everyone else

I will be those broken pieces

scattered

lifeless

reminders that

here lies a girl who couldn’t fix herself

here lies a girl that couldn’t cope

here lies a girl who had everything but threw it away

because the concept of everything was too much

until everything became nothing

and

she

was

gone.

The involuntary flutter of my heart when you glance my way

The hot flush rising in my cheeks and down my neck

Butterflies storm a hurricane in my stomach

Just as the ocean seems to gather in dots lining my palms and forehead

I'm anxious, but I crush it down

My eyes meet yours, my fingers extend for you

"Watch the sunset with me?"

You meet me halfway, easing into the empty spot besides me

Leaning your head on my shoulder

Hoping you can't hear the pounding of my heartbeat

All the while I'm wondering how yours sounds like

Despite the silence between us, the air is warm and fuzzy

When the sun hides beyond the horizon, and you stand to leave

I catch your hand in my mine, "Stay?"

Only to fall again when you say, "...okay."

I am here,

I am there,

I am the faceless angels,

Running rounds in the sky.

I can see,

I am free,

I am the boundless trains,

In the night, endlessly trailing.

I am the cold,

I am the heat,

I am the blood-boiling summers,

And the skin-chilling winters.

I am the shadows,

I am the rain,

I sleep tomorrow,

I am life today.

I am the impossible,

I am infinity,

I am the matter,

I am the force.

I am here,

I am there,

I am everywhere,

I am everything.

I am the night,

I am the light,

I am the moon,

I am the harsh monsoon.

I am every hope,

Every breath.

Every turn you take,

I am there.

I am the farthest of imagination,

The very edge of universal creation,

I am the watch,

That lights up the star of time.

I am the lifeless,

I am the living,

I am the smallest,

I am the foundation.

I reside in the dark,

I flourish in the bright.

I am the impossible.

I am a grain of sand.

I am a hopeful butterfly’s hand.

I am the groundwork of every land.

I am what you cannot fathom,

A little, domineering Atom.