I was once broken, but you picked up the shattered pieces of me and made me whole–made me feel brand new. It left you with bruises on your hand. You didn’t mind them anyway.

But weeks have passed, months even, and the bruises became scars–scars that were too visible to bear. There you realized I wasn’t worth the pain, then you let me go–leaving me broken again.

They were standing in front of each other as he was catching his breath, and she was catching her tears.

“Do you still love me?” he asked.

She didn’t expect this question. Although she is very sure of her answer.

“I never stopped loving you.

Ever since we broke up, it was still you. In the morning when I wake up. In the afternoon when I drink our coffee. In the evening before I go to sleep. Every time I pass by our favorite street. Even every song I hear reminds me of you.”

He didn’t utter a single word. He stared blankly to her eyes, waiting. It was pure silence. Until she can bare the silence no more.

“I’m sorry, but I still haven’t learned to stop loving you.” she finally said, then walked away.

I remember how it all began. I remember how we talked for the first time like we’ve known each other for long. I remember how we laughed together during silly times. I remember how we exchanged messages all throughout the day. I remember all the times I ranted at you over nonsense things. I remember how you got mad at me when I skipped eating and overslept. I remember how we went to different places together.

And even though all of these are nothing but memories now, I still love to remember how it all started. But I don’t want to remember how it all ended.

I love how you make me laugh and mimic it after. I love how you pronounce my name. I love how you hold my waste and grab my thighs in a non-sexual way, like someone’s gonna take me away from you. I love how you play with my hair. I love how you imitate my crazy dance moves. I love how you always tell me that I am beautiful and sincerely compliment me over the small things. I love how you fill the spaces between my fingers with yours. I love the sound of your voice.

I love you and your every little thing, and that’s all I ever know.

You were weak, but you made me stronger. You were hurt, but you taught me how to get up and move on. You were fearful, but you made me face your every fear and now I no longer fear them. You were lonely, but you made me happier and brand new. You were alone, but you made me surround myself with people. You were hated, but you made me stand out. You were different, but you made me loved. You did a great job of molding me into a better a person–into what I am today.

Thank you for everything and sorry for I am now leaving you behind. For I am now ready to face the present me and build the future me.

Loneliness is more than just being alone.

Loneliness is sitting in front of your computer, browsing through your old photos and wondering why so many things have changed. Then realizing that you miss him so much. So much that it’s killing you inside, but you can’t do anything but stare on it, because photos are just good old happy memories you can never bring back.

Loneliness is pretending to laugh with your friends, then stopping because you heard his name. And suddenly your soul was in a different place, wondering. The sound of his name brings you back to the coffee shop you used to go to, to that book store he used to buy you books from, and that park where you used to lay down together and share each other's dreams. Then reality will wake you up to remind you that it's over, and you just sip your coffee and fake your smile.

Loneliness is when you wake up at 3 in the morning from your dream that he once again visited. Then tears suddenly flow and your chest suddenly aches. You close your eyes and try to sleep but fear keeps you awake--fear that you might dream of him again. You close your eyes while your tears are falling, wondering when will the pain end, or if it will ever end. Then you wake up with your wet pillow--you cried yourself to sleep. You get up and get another pillow that will catch your tears tonight.

Loneliness is listening to that same old song over and over again, and suddenly breaking into tears. That same old song you used to sing together, where his voice cracks while hitting high notes and you laugh at him. That same old song you both listen to in the car. That same old song you both kept as a secret, because you don't want others to know that it is your song--used to be. Now, listening to it doesn't give you joy, but pain.

Loneliness is staring at a blank space. Thinking of what went wrong, of why do you deserve the pain, of how will you start again. It's consuming you so much that all you wanted was to run away, but you can't. You pity yourself too much that you wish you can just stop existing.

Loneliness is painful, but at the same time addicting.

Loneliness is a choice.

Have you ever wanted to die for a day and watch your body as your spirit floats away into nothingness?

–Just to know if you’re loved. And if you are, by whom? By how many? By how much?

–Just to see who really cares; those who are sincerely saddened by your loss; those who will cry in front of your coffin and utter sweet words you never heard from them.

–Just to realize in the end, that you’re not loved, and is never going back again to life; that you made the right choice.

I hugged him. And as I was about to go tighter, he let go of me.

“Everything between us has been so complicated now,” he said, with his eyes completely locked with mine. I stood frozen.

I loved him. No. I still love him.

“It was not meant to be complicated but you made it complicated. You care about people who doesn’t even try to ask how you are, and push away those who care for you,” I said. I want to get mad at him, but I can’t.

"I love you, and I care for you. But you take me for granted–always.” These were my final words as I rushed myself out the door with tears I hope he didn’t see.

To cheat on her instead of telling her the truth that you are no longer happy and that you want everything to end?

To break all the promises you made instead of keeping them?

To let go of that person who loved you the most, who accepted you despite all the pain and all your flaws, who gave up everything for you, instead of holding on to her?

To forget all the good memories you shared with her instead of remembering everything that kept the two of you together?

Was it easier for you to hurt her instead of loving her?

If I love you, I will be so clingy to you. I will crave for your attention always.

I will send you hundreds of messages a day. I will ask you how you are every 10 minutes. I will check on you every hour just to make sure you’re okay. I will tag you in almost every posts I see on Facebook. I will tweet you about any nonsensical things. I will send you random selfies of me or even videos of random things that made me laugh or smile, because I want you to feel the same. I will hold your hands in public. I will hug and kiss you goodbye every night after bringing me home. I will bite you whenever I feel to. I will sing to you. I will dance crazily in front of you. I will pretend not being able to open my water bottle so I can make you open it. I will crack corny jokes and force you to laugh at it.

I will annoy the shit out of you. But that is just because I am in love with you. You just gotta understand my love for you.