I know you.

I am you.

I know your pain.

I know how you hold your tears back because you don't want her to know how much her abuse actually hurts.

I know how you've put up so many walls, how that empty, numb feeling has taken a firm hold on your very soul.

I know that you are scared. You want to leave. Escape. Die.

I know you've tried more times than you'll be proud of in the future. You dread coming home. You dread seeing her.

Never knowing her mood, always guessing and wondering, will today be a good day? Eventually, her blows will stop. Eventually, the bruises will fade, and the physical hurt will heal.

One day you will feel safe. And beautiful. And wanted. And loved. You will be told you are worth the air you breathe and the life you live. You will find a god that comforts you, and you will start to heal.

I know you are scared. You live in this perpetual state of fear and hatred and stress and confusion as to why and what you did to deserve the hate you've been given from birth.

It isn't your fault. Know that. You should've been protected. From him. From her. From all of them. All the hurt. But you weren't, we, weren't.

I'm sorry, little one.

You aren't going to hear that for a long, long time, but I'm sorry we had to survive for this long, barely hanging on to sanity and life. I'm sorry we don't get to truly live until so much further down the road. I promise it will end, not anytime soon, but it will come to an end. You will see the light, and you will take that golden chance at freedom and love and support.

The fear hasn't gone away yet, but we will work on it. Together, and we will heal from all the pain we've had drilled into our heads and all the hate we know.

Trust me.

-R

Hey little Me,

I want to start this letter by saying, thank you!

Thank you for all you have taught me.

I could never have gotten where I am today, if you hadn't been so strong, brave, and kind.

We did it little Me!

We are finally happy! We finally have the happy family that we always wanted. It may not be exactly what we pictured, but trust me, it's even better than we hoped for! We have two beautiful children, and we are so proud of who they are becoming!

As far as advice, or something I would change?

I really don't want to change anything, because everything that happened to us has happened for a reason, and we only came out stronger for it.

But I will say this, don't ever think for one second, that you need someone in your life. Don't look for happiness from someone else. No one can make you happy, only you can do that little Me.

Believe in yourself, and don't ever let anyone make you feel like you can't get what ever you want on your own.

And don't ever be afraid to stand up for yourself, or what you know deep down, is right for you.

Keep being yourself little Me, and be true to yourself. Listen to that feeling, that small inner voice, it hasn't led us astray yet.

Love,

Me.

Dear Eric,

I just wanted to tell you to keep your head up. Life is going to keep swinging, man, and you better believe it. You’re hung up on a girl? Trust me, you’ll be hung up on several more. You’re having trouble deciding what in the hell you want to do with your life? Well, I’ll tell ya man, all these years later and I still haven’t got a clue.

But I’m not writing this to scare you, or to make you feel hopeless about the future. I’m writing to tell you it’s going to be okay, and to let you know that it isn’t a crime to breathe.

There is no magic age, man. There’s no magic birthday where every piece of the universal puzzle is going to fit perfectly in place. Where you’ll float above the completed picture, saying “that’s it! It all makes sense now.” Life just doesn’t work that way, at least not in my experience. You’ll be working on that puzzle for the rest of your days. But that’s part of life’s charm. There’s no fun once it’s finished anyway, right?

I’m also writing to let you know that many of the battles and obstacles you’re facing now are worthy adversaries. Some will drift away in time, and become nothing more than vague memories, but others are going to fight to make sure that their voices are heard. You can either let the voices cripple you, or you can learn to live alongside them. Sometimes the latter might not seem like an option, but we’re adaptable, and we’re strong. Don’t forget that.

Oh, and don’t let anyone tell you what you should be, and what you should do, because here’s a secret, my young friend, they don’t know either. Some can project confidence better than others, but in my experience, once you get them alone and comfortable enough to strip down the bullshit, they’ll tell you they’re lost and clueless, too. We’re all just trying to carve a path in the dirt during a torrential downpour. Yeah, as you already know, it isn’t easy.

I know I’m rambling, but I want to make sure I fit all the important tidbits in here. So man, you need to try, as hard as it may be, to live in the present. Because here’s another nugget of truth: people have a way of getting lost in nostalgia. Dipping your toes in those waters is fine, but full submersion will leave you living a life that isn’t real. Your existence will become an illusion of a past you thought you lived, accentuated by those deadly rose coloured frames that consume us all like the purest of drugs. Living in the future can have a similar effect.

Reality is where you need to build your home. You need to face it, accept it, and most importantly, enjoy it, man. I know it’s cliched, but I rolled my eyes at wisdom for years, thinking that time would never catch up with me. I was just too damn fast. But here I am, writing this with a beer in my hand, and a gut to match it.

And one last thing before I sign off, enjoy art. Keep reading, listening to music, writing, and playing guitar. It’s food for the brain, and it’ll serve you well when all other things seem pointless and mundane. No matter how heavy that weight you carry becomes, art will always lift the spirit.

Trust me. You’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.

Sincerely,

Your biggest fan

If I knew I could, I’d write myself a letter

Back when I was 10 years old or so

Maybe older, just right before 12

I’d tell her not to get her hopes up

Because if you think it’s bad now

It doesn't get any better

I’d tell her to be grateful, to be a better daughter

Not to have regrets

Always try to be a better person

And with what other people think?

Don't even bother

I’d tell her to grow up slower, to read Harry Potter sooner

I’d tell her not to be easily influenced

Love like there’s no tomorrow

And don’t be so quick to forget her

I’d tell her to forgive

To enjoy being young

Don't waste all your money

And love the person in the mirror

For who she is

You will believe everything is amazing, but to be honest theirs gonna be rough time many rough times but whatever you do you have to get through it. Theirs gonna be people you wanna date but before you do know them longer get to know them become friends first. They will lie to you, they'll tell you they love you in reality, their toxic. Stay away from this guy who's gonna be your stepdad. Tell mom the truth before she marries him. Your gonna begin to like the same gender, don't listen to the comments people say because theirs nothing wrong with loving someone. You will wanna disappear, but remember your loved. Tell Chuck you love him and give him the biggest hug. No matter what remind him you care and love him. You will be bullied for years but instead of letting them hurt at you laugh and walk away. People will act like your a disease but remember to continue to treat them with kindness. Your dad will be in and out of your life don't let it get you down he's selfish he isn't gonna change, just let him go. Your brothers are gonna be annoying and crazy just be annoying back. Warn the boys theirs gonna be a kid named Clay make sure they never hang out, he will get you into a-lot of trouble. Love every person with your whole heart. Your gonna be taken advantage of hurt so many times. You only see the good in people not the bad instead of looking at the bad times the good always jut pops up. Don't give people the time of day if they don't care if they hurt you. You are an amazing person, your beautiful, and perfect don't ever forget that. Always dress Gothic though. Instead of thinking about girls or boys focus on your grades your future is more important. If someone messes up once ditch them. Your smart even if you say some dumb things, we all have our flaws and instead of focusing on them, your flaws are who you are. People will stare and say thing but just smile at them and wave. Don't draw in the tiny red bible that you didn't know was one. Never listen to country music it's boring. Remember you don't have to not eat to be beautiful you already are. Don't say no i'm not when people compliment on you, it will help your self-esteem. Don't let some 40 year old destroy you, your not worthless, your not a monster or sociopath. Your past does not define who you are. Like I said things are gonna be rough their will be days you can't shower or get out of bed do it anyways hang out with people instead of being in your room. You got this, their might be bumps but theirs always some light in the darkness. Love yourself

Love,

future you

Dear little me,

Oh, what you aspire to be. But there are hardships down the road. Feeling feelings and they showed. Little me, Please don't die on me. They'll push and punch you down. Gift you with a heavy concrete crown. You'll cry yourself to sleep; haunted by secrets that you keep. Little me, I really want to die. Suppose you say that, mom will cry. I don't know if I'll reach adulthood, but it's up to you. I don't know what to do. Motivate me to live, show me the kindness that you give. Little me.

Dear Inner Child,

Life's been kind of wild

Even if you brave the world with a smile

You try and fail

But always remember,

To try again when the plan goes off the rail

There will be pains from January to December

There will be pain forever

But life will bring joy to keep you from trying to sever

Do don't give up hope that you will be free

It will all get better soon

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Lees345,

You may not know or rather, you may not have even realized this yet but...you have it in you.

Talent. Expression. A voice within you that you can use...even though you're very shy in the face of others currently, nevertheless, you have ability too. There are things that you can actually do. You can be a success too. You don't have to be jealous of others thinking that you're not like them - often now you think you're lacking. But know this younger self, who is not yet fully grown, you can do it too and guess what, you can and will succeed. Have some faith...nothing's impossible...me!

How many times have you almost killed yourself? That time ignoring the lights at the railroad crossing. That time you cut the power cord with scissors. That time you drove oh-so-drunk on your double date. That time you woke up doing 70 on the Causeway after a night in the French Quarter. That time you ran that stop sign and was broadsided and--amazingly--no seat belt. And a thousand other times you don't even know about, hidden by an few extra skewed seconds here or a few skewed after, altering the weave of that tangled web.

Do I need to go on? On and on and on? Do you think life is always smooth sailing? It takes a lot of work to create that.

You're an immortal being, but not here. Here you can die, foolish doppelgänger. It's the rest of you--me--who stops it each time, because you have important living to do, in spite of yourself. Who best to be your Guardian Angel, but yourself?

Don't you see? I'm always here to make certain you die of natural causes one day, after a life well lived. Then you can complete the only part of me that's missing--the mortal, the foolish, the vulnerable.

If i could write a letter to my youthful self these are the things i want to tell her...

One thing i want to warn you of is Expectations , they will only drag you down further . Never expect that everything will ever be normal ,never expect them to see sense ...the only thing i will assure you is that whatever will come your way you will be ready for them because you are strong and more brave than you realize. Hold on with your whole heart , there is gonna be bigger bumps along the road but trust me when i say you will survive.. because you will !

One thing i want to ask of you is to never give up whatever happens, to move forward even if you are tired to the bones , you should cry if you need to but promise me that you will not forget to smile...