Living

in the shadow

of your

silence;

where

the only

sounds

are

whispers,

overheard.

Thinking

that your

hidden

in your

absence,

but the

quiet

is the

light

of

lack

of words.

Memories

of

the former

words

you’ve

spoken

echo

in my mind

and

I rehearse;

F o O t S t E p S

that cross

my heart,

now,

broken;

if only

you’d let

go

so we could

’verse.

How’s life?

Still writing?

Still a bookworm?

Still a nerd?

How’s the depression?

Or did you not get this?

Dear Future Self,

Congratulations, Lily! You done made it through,

Which shows you can do the coming days too.

Remember-- what you knew now is still true.

You were an optimist now, and are you one still?

I hope you kept praying and hoping until

You were happy that things were always uphill.

I hope now looks like a hilarious meme

Which never gets old and will always seem

Like you couldn’t have lived a better dream.

Look back and make friends with who you were now,

Be at peace where you are, and always allow

For who you may be someday and somehow.

<3 You

Know that I want the same things as you

I have your back

If I let you down

It wouldn’t be intentional

But know that I love you

And have your best interests at heart

So ....

Do the things you want to do

Go to the places you wish to see most

Sell the house if you have to

Live someplace new

Maybe another country

Take every opportunity which presents itself

Love completely

Deeply

Truly

Immensely

Immeasurably.

But love me back by having

NO REGRETS

Accept your flaws

Try to better yourself

But if you give

Do so freely

Without restraint

Or condition or expectation

Free your soul and watch yourself

FLY

Oh my little, stingy heart,

BEAT.

Never lose hope and always love without measure.

Beat properly.

The truth is no less true for the one who won’t look it in the eye.

Beat thoughtfully.

Remember the love you had at first.

Beat sincerely.

Your dignity cannot be shorn from you, no matter what you have done to it.

Beat joyfully.

Oh, the blessings you have been given! What beauty surrounds you.

Beat sorrowfully.

For you fail often--I am utterly sure of this--to dignify and love others.

Beat tenderly.

Never belittle anyone’s suffering, not even in the form a scraped knee or a pop quiz.

Beat compassionately.

Only make them feel that they are loved, and suffer with.

Beat courageously.

No one out to be fearless, but only to stand up against fear for the sake of what is good, right, beautiful, beloved, and true.

Beat prudently.

For “prudence is the virtue which disposes reason to discern, in every circumstance, our true good and the right means of achieving it.”

Beat quietly.

You know yourself only in the silence, where the deceitful din cannot reach you.

Beat chastely.

“A home is not warmed by the fire of pleasure which burns quickly like a pile of withered grass. Passing encounters are only a caricature of love...”

“Purity prepares the soul for love, and love confirms the soul in purity.”

Beat passionately.

“The things we love tell us what we are...”

Beat convicted.

Stand steadfast, reason well, speak and act with integrity.

Beat obediently.

Take only the authority which is yours and give to others that which is theirs.

Beat forgivingly.

Bear wrongs patiently, and do not withhold forgiveness.

Beat gratefully.

Remember to give thanks for every pain endured, every grief touched, every tear cried, and every drop of blood shed.

Beat firmly.

Make no excuses and do not turn a blind eye to the right and true for the sake of tact.

Beat humbly.

It is not for you to fix every problem or to hold the pain and sorrows of the whole world on your shoulders alone.

Beat zealously.

Do the very best that you can with the time that you have for the sake of love.

BEAT.

Beat well, my little heart.

-HopeMarie

Yeah you, you're past-self.

I hope you got married. I hope you have kids. I hope you have no regrets. I hope your family is happy. I hope you adopted an orange cat named Richard. I hope your kids are everything you dreamed they'd be.

But really, I just hope you're happy,

Your past-self

Dear Future Me,

Fuck you. I'm not all that bad. If you stop doing embarassing things than you'll have nothing to be embarassed by, jeez. This is advice that can carry throughout our entire life. I swear to hell, if you say one moe stupid thing, I will punch you. Or straight up yeet you through a wall. Also, get yourself some anxiety/depression meds if you don't already. Despite what you think, you're pretty messed up. Just because you aren't feeling like and empty puppet being dragged through life anymore doesn't mean that you're no longer depressed.

When a person tells you that you're behaving aggressively, stop swearing them out. I know you have a terrible temper but come on, man. You're at least a day older than you were the day you wrote this.

Another thing, what the fuck is wrong with us. Instead of getting a song stuck in our head like a normal human being, we have the frickin getting burned to death sound effect from yandere simulator. I'd say the worst thing is that it doesn't even bother present me (past me?) anymore. It's just: "Oh look, What's New Pussy Cat, is playing again" rather than "Huh, What's New Pussy Cat is a lot longer than I first thought". And the second response would be the "normal" response. But is it anymore, because a lot of people in my generation is only half-joking when they say I wanna die. Cuz you know death would suck but it's a lot easier than this bullshit.

Screw being alive. I didn't want to live past 5th grade, but here I am. Writing this instead of doing review for a math test tommorow. Which I will definitely fail, not because I don't try but because mental illness loves to slap me in the face when I need to focus on not mental illness.

To all the Karens out there, fuck you. I'm just tryna have a good time, but the concept of you as a whole is enough to make me sad. And a thing about being sad, is that when we get sad we get sad for months at a time, cuz as I said earlier me. You're still fucking depressed, get some god damn meds.

Peace out,

Your younger self

Have you done what I have dreamed?

Or have things not worked out the way I believed?

Have you been to all the places and seen the world's beauty?

Or have you given up on your childhood dream and moved on to practicality?

Do you still believe in the One that created you?

Or have you moved on from that too?

For it is not something you should leave behind.

I know things were hard but you're stronger than the enemy that faces you.

So spit the blood from your mouth, stand up and brush yourself off.

Lift your head and fight back.

You can't do it alone so ask Him for help.

And go do what I dreamed you would.

Dear me,

Listen to my instructions carefully. Now, before I write anything for real, I want you to imagine what your 2019 self has to say. Think thoroughly. Every question to be answered, every suspicion, remark, joke, anything that comes to your mind. When you are done, read the following:

My purpose here is to serve as a reminder. Your dreams have undoubtedly changed. Naturally, so have you. Can you remember what you assumed you were destined to be at this age? I bet you are on a completely different track right now. Can you recount all the things you shed a tear for at this age? I bet you are banging your head against the wall right now, laughing at the silliness of your youth. Can you recall the people who had your back when you were a teenager? I bet the scenery is not even close to what it was.

But my purpose is not my aim.

My aim here is to serve, not as a reminder, but as a lesson. I know that you are fierce when change comes into question, you embrace it magnanimously, with no trace of fear. I believe that you stick to your attitude that nothing kills faster than regret. And although you are much more experienced, I am certain that regret leads to nowhere but sorrow. I am well-aware that your eyes are sharp and not clouded, and your judgement clear and not overcast by falsehood. I acknowledge that you believe that everyone sees you in a different light, and therefore there cannot be a unique version of you.

But wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whoever you're with, listen. Earlier I asked you to recall your past. Now your task is to think of your present and tell me who you are and how do you differ from your past self? What have you learned? What separates the person you used to be from your current being?

From the moment of your birth till now one great fear was always behind your heels. Choice. Now, your answer should teach you how whatever you choose, something great always turns out in the very end.

With love,

You

I wish I knew where you ended up. As I’m writing to you, I’m still in that point of not knowing anything. I’m lost honestly. I mean..you’re me so you know how it felt. I don’t know where I’m going currently but maybe you do. Where did you end up? Did you settle down and get an office job or did you finally pack everything up and hit the road? I can’t really say which one I hope you ended up doing because my dream now might not be my dream later on in life and that’s ok. I hope I’m not the same person as I am when I’m writing this to you. I hope I grew as a person sense then. Self discovery is a funny thing so for all I know I’m still lost. Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy. Did you ever get married? If you did, great! If not it’s not a big deal. Maybe by then you’ve learned to accept your own company. Life has a funny way of working itself out so I hope whenever you end up you remember that. It’s hard at my current age to but I know with time comes wisdom. I know in the future I have loss ahead of me, even now my family is getting older. I hope you deal with it I’m a healthy way and continue living your life. I’m always scared my life will end with theirs so future me, please don’t let that be the case. Loss unavoidable, but along with that I hope you’ve gained quite a bit. Whether it’s been in friends, experience, or wisdom I hope with every loss comes a gain. I hope you’ve traded comfort and luxury for time. Worldly belongs can be recovered, time can’t. I know that as of right now I’m fairly good at that but I don’t know who I will become so I hope she’s good at it too. Wherever you are find adventure in your current surroundings. Now you’re getting older I hope you never waste a day on earth. There’s so much to see and so little time. As I’ve said before, you can’t get time back. Maybe you’ve gone though phases of life current me can’t even comprehend, and as you went through them I hope at the core you never lost your innocence. I am quite innocent in a way at the phase of life I’m at right now and I hope you can still see the world the same way you saw it then. Wherever you are the main thing I hope is that your happy and free. What that means to me now might change, but whatever part of life your currently in I hope you find contentment. That’s all that truly matters.