Too sink into the eyes of the dust and the chronicles of the night sky.  To find you in my arms lost within the embrace of day. 

Stones cast upon peddles of roses and rogue weeds.  Thorns in my side.  Flesh piercing thorns. A warning of future plight. 

I fall down into the sour apple taste of your lips.  Lost within the bottle of reason and hope.  A burnt effigy of who I was before. 

Chaos and despair reigns in the world of the lost.

Kneel down before you.  My golden calf and beg the forgiving gods to return my rotting flesh to a state of consistency.

I am a downtrodden soul on

If I always run

Will anything change?

Baby turtles swim once hatched, 

Caterpillars build cocoons and for what, 

For a reason, to grow. 

And therefore I, a human

What say do I?

On a table

Under a shadow

In my mind

There live the howlers.

Behind my eyes

Within my brain

Upon my tongue

They control my very soul.

Inside my hands

Beneath my words

Underneath my actions

They slither, driving me to sin.

Out of mind

Toward the abyss

Above the inferno

Howl with me now, devour the dark.

As I sit here a slave to the grind tonight

I can't help but wonder what our love holds in time

I look back at our history and desperately seek

A way to end your misery

All the tears that have been shed

The pieces of a shattered and broken soul

Are the images I have dancing around in my head

Much like the savior of a man

Our love will rise again

No one being nor any amount of adversity

Will keep us away

I need for you to realize

That I am here to stay

I. That night, I placed a pillow over my head; I dreamt that I was dead. I had cut my wrists over the bathroom sink. I was laying down on the floor. On the bulge of my stomach, written in blood were the words: "I feel better now." Over by the side, in blood too, the wall proclaimed: "This is my version of okay."

II. I dreamt of going to school on Monday and spending my lunchbreak crying in the bathroom. Hiding in the library when I'm full of tears, showing up to class empty. Seventeen is hard. Life is hard. Tell me what you wish for me. (I don't like going to bed sad.)

III. It's so strange that I still feel so alone, maybe worse than before. I am tired of falling apart; I will try holding myself together. Like a scarecrow, mummy, dandelion puff. I will not fall just so I don't have to pick myself up again.

IV. Give me a reason to surrender, or a viable way out of this mess. I don't want to break my heart, or anyone's. I just want to stop hurting. (I knew it wasn't going to be a good year.)

V. I told you "no promises" because I don't need to promise. I have no control when it comes to you. I'm stuck with this overpowering love. I'd drive myself crazy missing you. I'd forget to be happy in the search for you. I promise I won't stop loving you; I can't promise I'll survive it.

I live in a poet's world

A dimestore Penny Dreadful

Colorful characters. Masterful

And dark.

Alleyways that form the inlet to my brain

A Frankenstein monster. A quiet

Roar into the night. Fluttering bats

And butterflies abound.

Times tabled rabbits and Irish Cream

Tea.

It's shadows and suspicion and suspence.

and then something about me ripping your heart out...

This misty hour

My thoughts grow sour

The shadows devour

From my dreams I cower

When I'm all alone

And the sun has gone

The night drops like a stone

And chills to the bone

In the darkness of my mind

Not a bright thought I can find

I pull and watch my life unwind

I am to myself the most unkind

Even if I sleep I know

That I will wake tomorrow

And I will do it all again, so

I should probably just let it go

I had to have you the moment I saw you

standing in the hallway looking like trouble

without a care in the world

You didn't notice me, but I didn't care

watching you from a distance was enough for me

Despite what everyone at school thought

I knew something they all didn't

I was gonna talk to you and you were gonna listen

Anything else would have been just cruel and unfair

So I did and you did and from that day on

there was something going on

No one else knew

but just us two

I couldn't care because you may not have seen me daily

But when you did

I was the lucky one

That was almost a lifetime ago

as i look back

I don't care what all the others saw

What did it mean to me?

That's easy....

On those nights that you noticed me

I had you and you had me

for no one but us to see

exactly as it should be

The blood stained your hands.

Your orders, your commands.

When the end came,

He was holding by strands.

You ruled over him like a master.

You created this disaster.

He had no happiness.

No childhood.

No laughter.

No one to blame but you.

You will always do,

The things you do.

Preconditioned,

Thatʼs what they call it.

You needed him to fail.

You knew it and you taught it.

Now you play victim.

You are the crime.

I'd warn you for the future,

But there will be no "next time."